DD upset when she Google searches her name - what can we do?

[IceskaterTwirl]

When my DD was much younger (like 2), she was diagnosed with autism. DH and I, with the very best of intentions, got involved with a local autism charity and did various fundraising events, some of which were reported in the local press/TV. We were seeking to destigmitize autism (how naive) and readily agreed to speak about DD being diagnosed with the disability. We were, sincerely, trying to help other parents come to terms with an autism diagnosis!

Fast forward 15 years and, if DD has autism, no one would know. She was quite possibly misdiagnosed as her diagnosis was when she was under 3 years old. She is now in Y13 and heading for at a top RG to do STEM.

When she Googles her name, autism comes up. She is very upset about this and I totally understand why. She rightly observes that future BFs, employers etc will have preconceptions about her and, as I say, she was probably misdiagnosed.

DH and I feel awful that we have put her in this position. Is there anything we can do to remove old news articles from the internet/social media?

'How would they know it's her, unless you also made her a poster girl too 😬?'

I suppose the main issue is the DD knows, and she doesn't like it.

@Keepingthingsinteresting this is covered under section 17 of U.K. GDPR legislation. If anything the specifics of the U.K. legislation are more robust. But don't let the facts get in the way of an opportunity to drag Brexit into something completely unrelated.

@SomeMonths you clearly have some mad agenda not OP... what on earth impact would it make for OP to say sometimes diagnoses aren't accurate - as this is often the case with young kids wit all sorts of conditions?

This

I totally get why you did what you did OP. You were proud of your daughter and you wanted to destigmatise the condition.

The fact that she doesn’t people to know about it now, is her choice.

My own DD was diagnosed at 11, by which time she was very self conscious and under no circumstances did she want anyone to know other than school. I used to wish she’d been diagnosed much earlier. If she was, we would have been open about her diagnosis with everyone. I now see from your example that a child might not see it this way in the future.

I have no advice, but you have my sympathy. Hope you get it sorted!

My DS is exactly the same, would react in exactly the same way as both DDS here and of course if he was searchable in that way I'd support him to change that. Because that's teaching him all sorts of advocacy skills and life skills and lessons about privacy.

What I wouldn't do is suggest he's not autistic just because he's good at STEM Even if those conversations are uncomfortable for DS, understanding his autism is such a fundamental part of understanding who he is. I'm not saying I sit him down every second Sunday at 3pm to talk about it, and I'm very child-led, but he's in denial - I don't have to be. It's really challenging though and something I struggle with a lot.

@SomeMonths the last thing I want is for anyone with autism themselves or with a child with autism to have life made harder.

But like a PP I have a relative who absolutely hates and rejects the fact he has autism. He has in the last eighteen months conceded to ‘I have some Asperger tendencies’ (I know Asperger’s doesn’t exist as such now) so I do get it. Telling someone you should be proud of autism or adoption or whatever doesn’t work. They have to come to it themselves, not have it forced upon them.

What a depressing thread. I’m sure my DS would love to be able to mask so well that his autism is hidden to future possible employers. No chance of that though and I worry every day about what the future holds for him.

@marchella it was DD’s speech therapist who pushed us to get a diagnosis. As did her prospective (state) nursery - they wouldn’t take her without a statement of SEN as she needed a support worker (that had to be funded)

We don’t believe DD is masking. Or if she is, she’s been doing so - utterly convincingly - since age 4. That’s highly unlikely according to her paediatrician - masking as a teen/adult is common, but not at 4 years old

Thanks @Onehappymam and all the best to your DD

I am sincerely sorry you find it depressing @CatkinToadflax - that was not my intention at all - and I wish you and your DS all the very best.

Don’t seed anything. The reputation management firm will seed things if needed. Really, don’t do anything yourself. Let the experts handle it.

I hate posts like this. Just because your situation is worse (and I am sorry it is) doesn't mean that op DD isn't allowed to have her own worry/struggle/concern.

My nephew was an exceptionally gifted athlete before they became a teen, touted for all the big things, but then for many reasons it didn't materialise as a teenager. He hates all the information that is on the Internet about him. I will look into the removal for him, I hadn't thought that, like most things in life, throwing money at it makes it easier.

I think you have the answer regarding right to be forgotten now, but what was the point of all the campaigning? You haven't even convinced yourself about 'removing the stigma'.

If she hasn’t already, get her to set up a website for firstnamelastname.com and write some blog posts about things that interest her. You don’t need to spend much for this, something like wordpress.com or square space does all the heavy lifting for you. But i would register an actual domain (which I know you can do through those platforms) not use the free sub domain.

Set her up with a public Twitter, Instagram, TikTok, YouTube, Pinterest etc accounts too. Anything platform you can think of. All firstname lastname - bit ONLY use them for things you’d be happy with an employer seeing.

Think of them as a shop window. Don’t post too much private stuff - the odd innocuous pic from a day out is fine. I’d just try and hone it towards her interests or preferred future career. Eg if she wants to be an ecologist, blog/share about anything along the lines of the environment, sustainability, animals etc. Drip drip drip it over the months and years and it’ll all add up.

link them all together so Google sees her as an entity - give it a few months and it’ll start showing these results ahead of the news ones.

she could always write blog post about “her name + autism” so if anybody Googles that looking for more info or stories, her own post comes up top with her story about being incorrectly diagnosed. Or whatever she wants to say on the matter.

then carry on using her normal accounts for friends/normal teenager stuff but keep them locked down off course.

If it’s still not pushing it down far enough, get some forum accounts on social sites that align with her interests too and register them all as firstname lastname. Comment on them.

this is pretty much a bunch of the work a reputation management agency would do. So if you have the time and inclination you can try it yourself first and save some money, plus have more control over what’s being said/shared.

also look into right to be forgotten - which I am certain other people have mentioned

Also not sure why you are being attacked because you’ve done nothing wrong. Your child has the right to maintain privacy about their life. Lots of troll hunting too which isn’t allowed.

Its not for OPs daughter to be the campaign to remove stigma, she has never given consent for that.

Yes I'd go so far as to say it should be against the media code of conduct to list such articles about under 16s

Why is it ableist for the OP to suggest that her daughter may have been misdiagnosed? I think it’s really interesting.

I don’t understand why there are so many comments from people who clearly feel threatened by the OP’s suggestion. It’s just one person’s experience. She isn’t posting about anyone other than her daughter.

Hi there on the subject of companies that assist - there’s a difference between getting content removed and creating new content that displaces the negative content in the search rankings (which is a common way this is done). You need to get a clear explanation from any company of what they propose to do and make absolutely sure your DD is completely happy and gives informed consent. Don’t make the same mistake twice.

I agree, and this is interesting as a wider topic, children who have had their whole lives shared on the Internet are now becoming adults, every sick day, tantrum, injury, embarrassing story has been shared. There is a friend on Facebook who insists on posting the time hops and tagging her DD in of all the embarrassing things from her childhood.