I've actually cried all over a computer. That I think I broke.

[CarpeVinum]

Or maybe windows 8 hates me.

I need a fecking drink.

I'm 46 years old, allegedly not technologically incompetant (I used to repartition and reinstall and everything when I had windows XP, just haven't needed to do it for years) and I've cried all over this virtually new computer and I think I am about to cry again. Like actually plopping tears and everything.

If I can't fix it my son gets two crap Christmasses in a row. ( Mil was dying in hospital last year, so not so grave, but his most wanted xams pressies are totally redundant without his 'puter.

Due to a FURBAR during a.... "go back to factory settings you laggy git faced computer" session ....things went horribly wrong. Mainly cos the computer was speaking in Italian and I was tired. Probably.

So I had amazon UK rush a proper full copy of windows 8.1 in Bloody ENGLISH to Italy. DHL finally found me after a tense 48 hours of increasingly heated phone calls with me yelling "how can I always be "customer out" if you have kept me trapped in the house for TWO DAYS!"

I got into BIOS (whatever that is) I changed the boot thingie to CD-rom drive as first choice (gingerly, never been in BIOS before) All went swimmingly, but then it hung for hours and It couldn't finish the last bit of a clean install.

So a youtubber siad delete partitions.

So I did. Well some of them. 2. ACER and USER

And then I clicked next and the fecking computer complained something was missing so it couldn't run the cd-rom drive. Or something like that.

I have spent 113 euros. And all I have managed to do is kill the computer more.

And christmas is ruined cos the computer shop is not taking any repairs in till he comes back in the New Year.

Dos anybody have any ideas what has gone so horribly wrong and how to put it right ?

And if you don't. Can you please start sticking pins in an effigy of the Windows 8 wholly annoyingly displeasuring start screen of pissingoffness.

Or pass a hanky.

Is this peri menopause making me an emotional wreck due to poxy software ?

Wine. I wish I had wine.

I have to. In extremsis have persuaded DH that iPad mini is essential for DS's educational devlopment. So even if computer complete washout, he has unexpected but very usuable non broken gift.

Will work overtime next month. Sell soul or something.

But I have to get to town to buy the bloody thing.

Enough MIl, enough now. 18 years of torment was enough.

Carpe,would it not make better sense to buy a laptop rather than an ipad mini?Then if a situation like this happens again you wont be quite so stuffed.

Practically yes, but in terms of "delighted child" on xmas morning not so much.

And it is the latter that I am all upset about. Last christmas was so gloomy. DH was in floods, I was filled with guilt cos I gave MIL the meds she aspitated and got pnumonia from, which killed her a few days after xmas day. DS barely got a look in. It was accusatory phone call after accusatory phone call from the extended family implying we had been neglecting her and a slight insinuation that I'd tried to bump her off cos I didn't want her living with us and being cared for by us anymore.

Poor DS. Chritmas was well and truely cancelled last year.

Fuck it. I can work my socks off next month to pay for everything and I still have aged unworking laptop that I can get fixed after xmas if new puter ends up having to be sent back as a complete lemon.

It's a bit more expensive than buying a cheap laptop today, but then I should end up with happy kid xmas morning, spare laptop and sorted/replaced dasktop.

Wht a fecking palarva!

I am going to start planning next christmas on boxing day. There will,be military precision. So everything is ready by August.

ComputerDude has puter.

Seemed unfazed by my tale of "woe is me"

Laughed at cursing of bastard youtubers in a sort of "lamb to the slaughter" kind of way.

Will call when he knows something.

I never mentioned dicks once.

Carpe, I've just read the whole thread, can I say you sound like a fab mum. DS is lucky to have you.

Thistle

Considering I am currently feeling a bit "crap mum" at the moment, that was a lovely thing for you to say, and a lovely thing to hear.

It's ok, last night's alcohol will leave my system even quixker if I employ my eyeballs too.

Garage was shut.

Phoned other garage.

Other garage collected car,,pronounced fan belt fitted by usual garage a knock off and too tight (which would explain why we've had to change it seven times in four years) and hopes to return car by lunchtime.

I am now terrified that the four wheels removed and replaced by usual garage are all going to fall off cos they are a hack job too. So am point blank refusing to go to town. Will catch bus to Milan tomorror and get off at Big Massive Shopping Centre. You know where you stand with a bus.

Which is probably better cos should know is puter has been saved or not by then, which will influence nature of emergency xmas present buying.

I will breath. I will not panic. I will stop wibbling abput being haunted/jinxed. We are healthy (as far as we know, grab left tit for luck), we are happy (usually) and the way we live year round is more important than one day and he is hardly the most depived child innthe universe. Plus he is a cery good sport.

Everything will be OK one way or another. I am being a daft (and hungover) weeble.

Carpe,I have a confession,I am no longer super techy,I managed to brick the Galaxy tab 3 that I bought dd,updated the first two fine,came to hers,whizzed through it and ended up with a black screen,rapidly googling I have managed to factory restore it,but a few heart stopping moments.

sassy

Ohh noooo! The Anti-Christmas fairy is contagious !

Are you able to put all her apps back on OK?

Its brand new,no apps yet,just checking that it was working,it stated it needed to update,rebooted it and black screen with green lines appeared,google once again came to my rescue and hopefully all is fine now.

However it is chucking down,our only acess road is flooded,I have no shopping as some stupid person (me) made dd a routine dentist appointment for today,so after that I will be rushing around like a mad thing.

oooh deffo anti-christmas fairy working overtime.

Follow my lead sassy . Next year we'll be ready August.

There is a poor mumsnetter on twitter who has been let down by Dell. She ordered he autistic son his one gift, a puter, all well early. Dell kept moving th delivery date, and have told her right before Xmas it will be delivered on...14 th Jan.

Bastards.

This thread is absolutely hilarious.

It should be archived and linked to for the many, many people next December 20th who end up in the same position

Maryz

If things go in threes, that'll be me reading my "ghost of christmas past" thread then.

Dear Fod I don't believe in unless up in the air, clutching arm rest and gibbering during turbulance... please can I have next Christmass off santa's shit list ?

Please!

oh! I feel bad for whinging. I've just seen new next door nirghbour. She looked crushed and a bit weepy and still in her pajamas at lunchtime. (typically very city slicker Milanese highly groomed Lady look)

She is going through the "have spent all our money renovating crumbling Cascina, gas tank seems to empty in ten seconds flat when I turn on newly installed central heating, it is too dark and too quiet at night..except when the owl kicks off.. so I can't sleep, and I am in the middle of a field instead of a city and I think I've changed my mind" transition.

I remember that. Apart from the ever been groomed bit.

I should go pour red wine down her throat and tell her it's oK, that was me ten years ago, and in a decade's time she will be me !

Actually maybe best leave off the last bit and just stick to "everything is going to be alright, you will get over your fireplace phobia and be warm sans bankrupsey in LPG bills....and love it here by spring I promise. Even if you accidentally set fire to your roof and cieling beams like I did the first winter"

Stick to the "pouring red wine down here throat" bit.

The advice goes a tad downhill after that

Remind her it's nice in the summer?

Spring !

I swear, late Feb...early March at worst (aside from the year it snowed like buggery on the 31st of March and the comune forgot we were down here and left us trapped for three days) it is glorius!

COMPUTERDUDE COMING!

COMING NOW!

brief message, no prognosis inclded

Evidently the Italian version of .Now!

Why didn't I spend all day cleaning instead of flopping about ?

Is it back yet?

Yes.

Good news - computer now working perfectly, and was never my fault, he thinks I got a lemon copy of windows. He isn't exactly sure what Bastard youtubers did to my computer, but my disc installed fine once he'd fiddled with it.

bad news - works perfectly at his house only. On all my monitors there is a triple image. So he has driven back to his house for a driver, or something.

My youngest cat loves him. He is covered in cat hair.

Now...we wait.

Really want to know if the PC is fixed...

See Carpe, St Anthony has found the lost thingies in the computer for you, via ComputerDude.

He works in mysterious ways, St Anthony does .

Bore

13yo boys harder to distract than 3 yo boys.

A bit of lego used to do the trick

He is climbing the walls due to Minecraft coldturkey.

My ears are numb from Minecraft Monologue as he tries to take the edge off with youtube (BARSTARDS!) videos about ...Minecraft.

This thread has kept me entertained overnight and then today. Massive sympathies - I was a desktop engineer in my distant past and remember well the sheer frustrations.

However my absolute highlight of the thread was misunderstanding why you'd taken the computer to church, I thought you were si convinced it was haunted you were having it exorcised

Who's Virgil?

Virgil Mary of course!