Overheard a rant on the bus.What ‘bastard’ things will you not have in your garden.

[florentina1]

A man behind me yesterday was ranting to his friend about “bastard lupins”Apparently his wife loves them, he hate them, and they are coming up everywhere. He was really funny, almost worthy of his own stand up routine.

For me it is fuchsia. Gladioli, hanging baskets and anything with slogans.

I love that bastard video 😂

Green alkanet - we have been overrun with this in the past, had a garden pretty much full of it at one point. We dig it up now whenever we see it, which absolutely has to be before it flowers. We have a very insect friendly garden so I have no qualms about digging it up at all, especially as I’ve spent such a very long time over the years getting to the point now where it is more manageable than it has ever been. Still a right pain though.

People who swear.

Ha! My NDN's garden is exactly the same,they decided to 'thin it out' a couple of weeks ago and it looks awful.

Not a plant but fake grass here too. Next door neighbours have it, we were replacing the fencing at the weekend and had to keep ducking over to their side. Dirty, soggy square of heart sinking ugliness. AND weeds grow in it, what’s not to loathe.

I'm currently attempting to kill a cordyline for the umpteenth time. My husband stuck it down on what was then lawn about 20 years ago. A few years later I turned that bit of the garden into a bank of low lying bee friendly plants. The cordlyline doesn't match the heights or look of the rest of the bank but no matter what I do it comes back stronger and taller.
I can see it from my kitchen window so it annoys me every single day.

Yes mine come back year after year.

You mustn't like it on here much.

Oh dear god. Why on earth did you click on the link if you don't like swearing? It's literally in the heading for the thread.😂😂😂
Is it attention you want?

If you have a lot of sweary people in your garden, you might want to think about moving? Or at least shutting the gate?

I lost 3 Cordylines too - I had them years with no trouble, but this year ☹️☹️☹️

I'd also recommend planting something prickly.

@Sagittariusrising I’m with you on bastarding Japanese anemone. Sends out suckers in all directions and I spend hours digging the sods out.

Also lily of the valley which crept in from next door - keep yanking it out.

My neighbours planted some kind of vine against our shared fence, it must be related to triffids because I swear it’s on its way to world domination.

😂I think I associate them with older people because my elderly late MIL favoured those two plants. Likewise my husband thinks pelargoniums are favoured by older people, but I think they are chic 😂

See also Werthers Originals - the sweet of the elderly pervert 😅

I am often amazed when I go to garden centres, how much they charge for stuff I would pay someone to take away.

I am inspired to start a MNet Bastard Garden Club. It will be a way to socialise with other gardeners, save money and make money. Quite simply we sell our hateful bastards and buy Perfect treasures. Sometimes it might be a straight swop, Bastard for Treasure. The only condition is that we dig up the bastards that we desire and promise not to steal the treasures.

@JesusMaryAndJosephAndTheWeeDon see my earlier comments regarding a drill and some diesel...

@WarningToTheCurious so glad I'm not the only one with the anemone issue.

Why don't nurseries and plant companies warn us about this stuff on plant labels? As well as height, spread, aspect etc they should tell us that once these plants are in we'll be out there fighting for years to get rid of the bastards because they've outgrown or taken over the whole garden!

This thread has been so cathartic 😃

Bastard red hot pokers, sedum and Ivy. Ugly things

Whenever we go into a Garden Centre my DH makes it known how much he likes those hideous coloured heathers - you know those ones that are bright blue, pink, purple, obviously died. No fucking way!

They are gone now, via legal means.

Not worth risking falling foul of the TPO or the heritage site/conservation zone regs.

they will drop lots of seeds so yes they will come back

sagittariusrising absolutely years ago I bought several bright orange lilies for the back garden of my old house as I thought they looked pretty. No one told me that the feckers attracted lily beetle in their droves (honestly it’s like a secret bat signal for them).

Within days all lilies were chomped by the shiny devils.

I now warn people about the beetles and the cat allergy to lily pollen when I see anyone near them in garden centres.

I do wish garden centres and florists would put a warning label on lilies. They are so deadly to cats.

Why don't nurseries and plant companies warn us about this stuff on plant labels? As well as height, spread, aspect etc they should tell us that once these plants are in we'll be out there fighting for years to get rid of the bastards because they've outgrown or taken over the whole garden!

Because no-one would buy the bastards if they knew that getting rid of them again required heavy machinery, napalm and an exorcism <glares at bamboo>

@MidlandCatGirl this also happened to me with all of my lilies in pots. They were gorgeous and then overnight they were wrecked. Had to dig them all up!

@GrannyWeatherwaxsHatpin perhaps that's what I need for my anemone 😬

Loving this thread.

thanks for the agapanthus warning. Was about to put a bed of it in front of a fence. Might put it in a large planter instead.

We have some ground elder coming in from our neighbours and we were talking to the local gardening expert and his advice on dealing with ground elder was to move house. Unfortunately we just did that two years ago - from a garden overrun with the bastarding stuff!

I’ve bought some French marigolds this year for the first time ever as I’m not keen on the colour but want to plant them in amongst vegetable beds.

I’m a bit worried about the Lily of the valley warning as I’m about to plant some down at the bottom of our drive under a tree. Not a good idea?