ADHD move away for Uni?

[Tiredpanda]

Son has AHD and on medication. It helps with concentration and has reduced the symptoms of ADHD a lot. But he still has bad days when his mental health isn't great and we see more of the ADHD symptoms like emotion dysregulation, impulsivity.

He wanted to stay home for uni but has now changed him mind and wants to try living away. He is capable of cooking (although makes a mess and usually can't be bothered), ironing and staying on top of schedules when i am not around but i am around most days and he often cannot be bothered and i try not to do things for him which ends in him getting annoyed. He can plan and organise although he struggles and usually need support from me to remind him.

Is it a good idea he moves away from home? Has anyone been in a similar situation and your child thrived moving away?

OP are you wanting to show him the answers like a poll to tell him it won’t work out? because you must know if it’s doable for him or not

Would catered accommodation help? He may be able to get some contribution towards the cost through DLA?

I was undiagnosed ADHD when I went to uni away from home. Astounded now that I managed to get by. It was a baptism by fire and I definitely stuffed up, but it played a big role in getting my act together. Nearly failed my first year but it was a wake up call and after that I became an excellent student.

His mood/mental health is temperamental. Some days are great and some are very bad. He argued 2 days ago that he was better at home and then today said he should try and it will help him be independent as he has to do it some day. He went away with school for 2 weeks earlier in the year he was missed home a lot and was not happy some days.

I want him to make the right decision and I will not tell him he should or shouldnt go but im not sure living away will help his mental health and wanted to see how others coped. Hope this explains.

I think he’d be better staying local but moving into halls. That way you’re on hand to support if needed

Moving away could be a positive step if the right support is in place, especially as he already has some independent living skills. The key may be choosing a university with strong wellbeing and ADHD support, while agreeing on practical routines and regular check-ins so he can build independence without feeling overwhelmed.

I agree with @BetweenTheThoughts

University is a great time to go and make mistakes and learn from them.
He might not do things the way you do, but he will find what works for him.

If you don't let him do this now, surrounded by lots of other 18 yr olds on a learning curve, do you think it will be any easier to leave home later, by which time he would be expected to be able to "adult" independently ?

As others have said, perhaps encourage him to be somewhere only an hour or so away, not 6 hours.

Try aiming for catered, campus style unis within 2 hours.

My daughter has autism and has had a disabled students allowance assessment. She’s been awarded some computer equipment but also some hours with a mentor. She had a separate assessment with her university college who have written her up a support plan.

theres lots of support available so I would be encouraging him and support him to give it a go. Might be best not to go the other side of the country if possibe

The elder of my ADHD kids went away to uni, catered halls, lots of support from other students and a local vicar. He failed his final exams and never did actually graduate. Was a good 6 hours away though, so probably would have helped had he been closer.

Younger one currently at Uni. Living at home and commuting. Really would not have coped being away, although brother is saying probably the easiest way into supported adulthood.

This is exactly what our DC with ADHD went for along with DSA giving a weekly mentoring session. However they do not have the NH problems that you mention OP.

How many unis have catered halls now? Not that many. He needs to be cooking and looking after himself. Can he? If he cannot be away for 2 weeks, I’d stay local ish. Around 1 hour.

Nottingham only has catered on the campus and I think catered is an option at Birmingham. Lancaster, Loughborough and Sheffield have catered accommodation too. I’m sure there’ll be others.

@ExplodingSmittens They are all RG or RG plus. Bristol has catered. However is DC looking at these unis? It’s a minority when looking at all unis.

Is Sheffield a card to spend in a cafe? It’s not catered halls in the traditional sense as there’s no dining room. Bristol definitely has traditional dining.

We had the same dilemma for my DD last year. We let her go as she needed to ‘grow up’ a bit and we thought this would be a good idea. We kept her within <2hour distance so she/we could travel at short notice. Also there’s a direct train that she can take any time. The first term was wobbly and had some tricky moments, made worse by falling ill. But by 2nd term she was doing much better. She’s still overwhelmed with all the ‘jobs’ that need doing other than studies, but I’ve asked her to order groceries if need be and get takeaway if there’s a lot of work that needs to get done. Small adjustments have helped and she’s really grown up a lot in 1 year.
next year is a house share with friends - whole new experience.

please let your son move out if he thinks he’s ready. Keep him uclose - same or nearby city. It will do him good, but as with adhd they are never really the chronical age so they need more support and guidance than other kids their age.

My girl had suspected adhd moved to uni after 3 weeks was diagnosed and is now thriving. In her 3rd year is doing really well on her course, is now president of her cosplay society has spent the last 2 days at home working on a campaign for said society for freshers week. Is in a house share, has been away to Sweden, London, hops on trains to visit friends all over the country. I think she’s nailed it. This is from a mum who thought she’d be home within a week.

I agree. Catered would be better and there's usually a fairly good choice of food.

Ok so a quick google tells me that Chester and Plymouth both offered catered too. There will probably be others.

It’s a shame De Montfort don’t offer catered as they have an excellent reputation in supporting students with ND.

Lots are cards for cafes though. That’s not traditional catered where students eat in hall.

Ok so perhaps it might be easier if the OP says which Unis her DC is looking at?