DS panicked about going to university

[smalldogdancing]

DS is autistic but has managed well at school academically, was the top of his year, got his first choice of uni etc.

He’s just come to me in an absolute state. Says he can’t cope with going, doesn’t know what to do, that he’s thought about killing himself to avoid going and that he’ll never manage.

We have a meeting with Disability on Monday and a Dr appointment on Wednesday. I have said he can take a year out but he doesn’t think that will be good either.

he does tend to be black and white in his thinking. It’s all going to be awful. I actually think he could really like it. But I am also so worried now and I don’t really know what to do. I’ve told him he has my support either way. He says he feels there are no good options.

Anyone been here? Or have any thoughts? His dad will just tell him to get on with it so I’m keeping him out of it for now.

Good news @smalldogdancing

Are you on What I Wish I Knew About University - WIWIKAU on facebook OP? They might be able to give you some good advice on there too.

IMO the non structured format of Freshers, with lots of time with not really anything to do is really not ideal for kids with ASD. Hopefully if he can make it to his lectures and get some structure and routine going, then he might feel a bit better.

I would encourage him (perhaps with you) to consider making a weekly timetable/plan with all the things he needs to do on it, put his lectures on it, put when he's going to go shopping, any clubs he wants to go to even if he's not up to going yet, what time he's going to have lunch and dinner, what time he's going to spend in the library etc. If he can see his week laid out in front of him in black and white, well structured with everything he needs to do on it then he might feel a bit more in control.

Has he made his room into a nice place to be? I know my DS (ASD) would be rubbish at this and literally just have a laptop in there! But if he can make it feel like his space maybe with lego, models, books, magazines, posters, photos or whatever he likes it might make him feel like he belongs there more.

Is he doing comp sci? DS is doing a degree apprenticeship in software engineering and and really enjoying it. I think software engineering is a great job for kids with ASD, DS would be a complete car crash working in a shop, cafe or most other jobs tbh, but software engineering is something he can be successful at. If your DS does decide uni's not working then I know a very pro ASD degree apprenticeship in the SE he could consider applying for next year! (interview questions in advance, OT to organise any adjustments needed). PM me if it does come to that!

Hopefully it won't though and he'll start to find his way. It's such a huge change from home and school for any kid, but for a kid with ASD it's just massive.

Edited to say that i forgot to add that his dad sounds vile and like the last person he needs around him. Why on earth are you still with him OP??

Fair question. Finance stuff mainly. And logistics. And worrying it would be another disruption for DS. It’s on the wish list.

Not really on Facebook but will go see if I can find it.

Can’t he go to a university near where you live?

Not to do the course he wants no. But happy for him to change if he wants that and it may go that way in the end.