End of Year 13: Results, Summer and plans for September and onwards

[Rollergirl11]

Noticed the current thread is almost full so thought I better start a new one for discussing results day and our DC’s plans for uni/gap years or anything else!

Might she be in a lecture or tutorial this morning @stoneysongs and so have her phone on silent? There's probably a perfectly rational explanation but I can understand why you are worried. It's difficult early on when you don't even know who their friends are or anything. I think I would probably keep trying, especially over lunch time when she's probably more likely to get her phone out, especially if she uses it to pay for her lunch. If she sees 50+ missed calls from you I am sure she'll be very embarrassed and call back. But if you haven't heard anything by say late afternoon maybe call the hall wardens or something, just to be on the safe side?

@stoneysongs does she have an iPhone / find my iPhone? The pinging from that will override the do not disturb.
We’ve had to use to wake my DC when requested a couple of times but have now told them they need to learn to wake themselves up! Late nights / early lectures not mixing well here 😂

Haven’t posted for a while but my son seems to have settled in well at Durham. He has a good group of friends that has expanded outwards from the other college mates who attended the early arrivals program to people within college and outside who he has met on society socials (usually bar crawls). He will be going to two - possibly three - balls this term as well. Unfortunately it does look like he is going to be sucked in to house hunting for next year as apparently everyone is looking and some have signed already. He could probably stay in college, which would my preference but it his decision. I have also floated the idea of renting in private halls as a group, but there only seem to be a couple available as the University has blocked the rest.

@stoneysongs Was also going to suggest pinging with find my friends - but I think you will need a device logged in to their Apple account. I have pinged my son a few times using his old iPad mini. He has been getting up better than expected but he did admit that his friends had checked on him one morning when he didn’t go to breakfast by knocking on his window (he is on the ground floor).

Glad it's not just us @Tealfish 😅

Thank you everyone - she has been in touch thank goodness, overslept again having stayed up until 3am to do the reading for a tutorial she has now missed. She slept through 83 calls from me in the end 🤦‍♀️

She's not great at self-regulating or getting things done promptly (ADHD) and really needs her sleep so she has to figure this out. Solutions discussed so far are multivitamins / talk to dr, get friend to give her a knock (although friend is away for a couple of days at the mo), better sleep habits eg strict rule of no work after 2230 and bed at 2300 weekdays or something, fancy alarm clock that makes you do a task to switch off the alarm, so you are properly awake (? I'm sure I've heard mention of these). She'll be home a week tomorrow for reading week so hopefully can recover and reset then.

She was so upset, thinks she's stupid now. I had to remind her that everyone is solving these endless little problems that you don't even know about until you live independently.

One thing I used to do @stoneysongs is have my alarm clock on the other side of the room, so I had to actually get out of bed to switch it off. Especially when the kids were little and I was having sleepless nights I'd often switch the alarm off and fall back to sleep if it was next to my bed, but once I had actually got out of bed I was up and would then get moving. Obviously you still need willpower not to get back under the covers, but I found taking that first step out of bed was the big thing. Also an alarm that got progressively louder and more annoying if I ignored it!

Thanks @MrsAvocet
She does have her phone and alarm clock on her desk so she has to get out of bed, but immediately flops back in I think. Her room is pretty small so she's never going to have to go far enough 😂

But I have found an app which makes you do tasks before you can switch the alarm off, like squats, or maths / typing / memory games. (It's called Alarmy for anyone whose DC might benefit 😴)

There are some which make you scan a barcode, the idea is that it's something in another room like a tin of beans, not sure how happy the flatmates would be with her wandering the corridor with an alarm clock blaring though!

@stoneysongs do you have iPhones ? Go to her contact details - edit - ringtone - switch on emergency bypass. I do this for my DC so when my phone is on silent eg when I’m sleeping but will still sound we call each other . Get her to do the same with your contact details.

I also have a separate WhatsApp message sound for DD as that how she contacts me - I have it on silent for all other WhatsApp notifications.

DD is home next weekend for reading week - can’t wait to see her! She’s looking forward to home cooked food and a cuddle with the cat. I’ve taken a day off work and we will go to London for the day.

She has made a nice group of friends and they are talking about houses for next year eeek! There are 7 of them and one is Mrs Organiser which is v fortuitous. DD handed in her first essay this week amidst a fair bit of panic and lack of self confidence. She’s relieved it’s in now though - with 1 hour to spare 🙄

Halloween shenanigans this weekend I believe. It’s actually flying by.

Jaxx, my DS is a fresher in Durham too. I just commented on another thread (Uni starter 2024) that he also says people are looking for houses and signing. It does seem very early doesn’t it, when they weren’t even there a month ago! DS says he knows that there are plenty of houses available all the way up until the summer, but the worry is not having a good group of people if you wait too long.
He has made some friends on his corridor and in his college who do his course and says he can imagine them being a group and getting on - I say ‘do you really know them well. You’ve known them less than 3 weeks’ and he’s pretty confident he does, but tells me he’s not rushing at the moment, but it is the hot topic of conversation with everyone.

I suspect that next time we chat (each 3 or 4 days at moment) things will have moved on and they will be forming groups. And that’s fine if he really has met a good group of people. But I imagine lots take longer and are still at the stage of sussing people out and joining with lots of different people for social stuff and won’t feel they’ve met their group yet. It’s all a bit tricky and nit helped by Landords releasing lots of properties. They seem to be £170-220 and you have to pay from 1 July, so 3 months before autumn term begins! Ouch!

@WombatChocolate it does seem to be the people rather than the houses that he is worried about and it is shocking it will cost a similar amount across the year as fully catered halls, but what can you do. I have said that we will not act as guarantors if he goes through one of the estate agents with bad reputations (particularly Harringtons) and we will probably take out guarantor insurance. The only consolation I am taking from having to pay over the summer is that we won’t have to pay to put his stuff in storage.

Jaxx, I have been looking into the guarantor thing. Nicholas Humphrey’s who are are EA in Durham have confirmed (in writing) that because all students either have to have their own guarantor or pay a year of rent upfront, each individual guarantor is limited to only guaranteeing their own child’s rent. They said the guarantor document states this. This reassured me. I don’t know if other agents do the same.

They also told me that the property deposit they all pay when signing (around £500) although paid by each student, relates to the house and not individuals. Any damages or cleaning issues are charged to whole deposit and not individuals dividuals as there is no way of knowing who has caused damage or not cleaned etc. That made sense to me too.

Hope this helps.

Glad you are recovering well @Penguinsa and that FIL's funeral went smoothly and both DDs are enjoying their courses @sammyjoanne. DD is still loving Edinburgh. Lots of socialising - everything from clubbing to crocheting pumpkins - and she is enjoying her course. The only essay she has to do this semester (scientist!) is pretty much done. She has also signed up to help with workshops for schools and had a training session for that. As it is Scotland looking for accommodation for next year doesn't happen until the spring, but I'm afraid it will be difficult and expensive when it does. Doesn't help that we have no clue about the Scottish system.

My DS is in his third of four years in Scotland. When he started, accommodation in his city was rarer than hens teeth due to the unis over recruiting during the Covid years. So they panicked in November and arranged private halls for Y2.

The whole HMO thing is different in Scotland and landlords have to pay ££££ if people from more than two households share so there are plentiful 2 bedroom flats but larger places can be hard to come by. DS has been very lucky for Y3 in rented - although it was a bit hair raising as it wasn’t sorted til July.

Keeping my fingers crossed DD manages to sort something ok when the time comes. I think the Covid numbers bulge should have worked its way through the system by next year, so hopefully that will help.

Thanks Pumpkin Glad your DD loves Edinburgh, such a lovely city.

Good to hear everyone's updates.

We had initially not been hearing much from DD other than she was happy but very busy and endless social events, parties and rowing with no mention of any studying. But the other day she phoned to say she had cut a bit off her finger whilst trying to cut an apple without using a plate as she didn't want to wash a plate up. A&E bandaged it and said it will grow back but it's restricted her rowing and now we have about 10 messages a day and she has even mentioned exams once which apparently she has in January. She will come home for a weekend in a couple of weeks time which will be lovely. My recovery is going perfectly and new job starts start of December. DD has asked me to get her an internship there next summer but I haven't even started yet.

Glad your recovery is going well @Penguinsa and your DD is having a fab time, despite the finger. @PumpkinKnitter Thats fab your daughters enjoying Edinburgh.
DD1 escapades in Canfranc. She got to Barcelona, then from there caught a train to Zaragoza. Met up with 3 people from spanish uni to continue their journey to Canfranc (which is the foothills of the pyranees). Did health and safety training on the experiment and travelled down to Valencia Tuesday night which she had a hotel booked and flight the following day, and its the Spanish students university. The plans were to go and meet up and work at the university. But because of the floods, the uni was shut, shops shut, metro to catch the train back to airport for flooded, so she was in the hotel most of the day, then a burger king. Uber is rubbish where she was, and cabify did not work for her as it would not accept her passport number. So she went to a taxi rank and waited for a taxi to turn up. She eventually made it back to Manchester. DD2 has been busy on campus with the animals. Shes been handling the rabbits and ferrets and giving the turtles a wash. Also set up some camera traps and caught a fox, a badger, and a mouse. Shes having a fab time. Will be looking at accommodation for both of them at the moment. DD1 wants a studio for next year and had a budget in mind. DD2 and boyfriend also want to stay in a studio, but not the rubbish one they are in now. Private halls company they are with has to be the worst ive seen. Previous ones with DD1, never been an issue, always fixes things quickly. This one with DD2, awful and wont be using them again.

Thanks Sammy Sounds great fun for DD2, sorry about the trip for DD1.

DD has now said that she is back next weekend rather than weekend after, which is lovely, but wanted to do a meal and presents together so now getting that sorted for a week earlier than expected. Went to great fireworks at the weekend at a castle, another hospital check Tues for me but its fine and sorting things for new job.

We've just spent a lovely weekend up visiting ds. He seems to have settled in well both to his course and to uni life in general.
His flatmates are all great and they're planning on living together again next year (albeit in two smaller groups). One of them has an older sibling also at the uni so they're getting help from him on their 2nd year accommodation choices which is great.

It was so wonderful to see him. He's coming home at the end of the month for a family event so am already counting down for that!

My Dc has just gone back after being home for reading week. Spent most of it in bed with a lurgy which was kindly passed on to me. Is loving uni, course, and is settling in but has lost 4kg which can ill afford to loose. I think it's a combination of late nights / lying in / rushing to lectures so missing breakfast etc and doing more exercise due to halls being at the bottom of what's known as cardiac hill and the uni being at the top. Can cook and does cook but we did a food delivery with a few more on the go snacks in it. I'm hoping during this next 6 weeks there will be more focus on looking after themselves, a skill I'm sure they are all getting to grips with.

I also saw DS this week - twice in fact, so almost like having him home! First visit was very brief as I was actually meeting my DD to go for her wedding dress fitting, the shop being coincidentally quite close to DS's University city, so he met me for a drink before I got the train home. This weekend was more of a proper visit though. He's found somewhere that he can keep his car without extortionate costs so we took it up for him. Must confess I'm a bit worried about that as we live in a rural area so whilst he has done quite a lot of driving and is pretty competent, driving in a big city is a new experience and I also don't want him getting used as a taxi driver for all and sundry! But we'll have to see how it goes.
In other news he did fairly well in a test this week, and also made his debut for the University first team for his sport - he's been playing for the seconds but filled in for an injured player for the firsts. He was awarded Man of the Match, which he says he's not entirely sure he deserved but it was nice that the team appreciated his efforts.
So all well overall. His room still looks habitable too!
My elder DS has a reading week this week so he's coming home for a few days which I'm looking forward to too. It's not often I see all 3 of my children within a week these days!

Sounds like everyone is having a fab time with sports sucesses, castles, visits home/ to uni and new places for year 2.

DD1 is off on the move again this Sunday. Off to Florence to the intitute of theoretical physics for 2 weeks on a residential. Taking a suitcase with her this time, so not much fun lugging that on a train from Piza to Florence. DD2 is also looking at studios now for next year.

@QueenMabby second year daughter lived above Shipwrecked tattoo shop on New street. Its just off the market square. 8 bed 4 storeys grade II listed. Lovely building it was, but it was single glazed. But they didnt have to pay any extra for heating so that was a plus. They they live on a pedestrianied area like that in the city, the council do collect the bin bags, but they have to be put out on the afternoon they come and pick them up. They dont like them out the night before and there all day. So should they live anywhere in the city thats pedestrianised, thats something to bear in mind. Third year was Penny street private halls in a en suite above subway. Smelt like heaven going up the stairs as you could smell the bread cooking. Had their own bins. The kitchen was huge and shared between 12. She really enjoyed that place. Recommend Armadillo storage 3ft x 3ft lock up for when term ends. its between lancaster and morcambe near the asda. reasonably priced and we booked it in the April/May time for the end of the first years contract finishing, to when they moved in to the new place. Dallas Road is pretty decent and round the area of water witch. Bowerham is not so bad either. Bulk is also not bad so ive heard.

@sammyjoanne - thank you for all that! Ds
says they're going to split into two groups but live next door/near to make it easier to find somewhere. He's going to look at a flat this week I think.

@QueenMabby that would be a good move to split. She was in a group of 12 and she went into a flat of 8, then 3 boys moved together and 1 moved in with her course mates. Lancasters a great city so where ever they choose it will be in a good area :)

Does anyone else feel a little bit melancholy seeing the threads about this year's Open Days/Applications/Offers etc? I can't believe it's already a whole year since we were at that stage! It seems slightly weird somehow that there's already a complete new cohort going through the same thing when ours have only been gone for 5 minutes! That said, when I saw DS last week I felt he was noticeably more "grown up" already. He insisted on walking me back to the station as he didn't think I should be walking through the city alone at night. It only seems like yesterday that I would have been the protective one and now he's such a confident young man.

We have DD home for the weekend which is lovely, first time we have seen her since she went on 7th October and lovely to properly catch up. We are doing a first Christmas weekend this weekend and had pizza last night for DD as her favourite, have 2 Christmas trees up, have Christmas pudding, mince pies and Christmas brownies from the bakers and Christmas food from Waitrose and veg box from local farmers. Got crackers and Christmas personalised stocking and cracker for the cat. Seems very happy at university still which is good. I joked to her we could all see the Paddington movie together and she said we could, I would love to see it so we will see.

Only just found this thread, very late in the day but you're all familiar names and DC from other threads last year.

We've just had DS back from London for a few days for reading week.

He's settled in amazingly well and has found a nice bunch of friends and seems to be burning the candle at both ends.

@stoneysongs what your DD is experiencing is something that I was worried about for my son, but touch wood, he seems to have been OK with getting up. Has she spoken to her Personal Tutor or her Student Support / DSA about ideas. If she needs help with that due to her ADHD I would have thought it would be something they can assist with, whether it be some some of mentor to check in if a situation like the one you had with her sleeping through phone calls & you being concerned for her safety arises again.

I'm frustrated with DS a bit because he hasn't taken ownership of his needs and even approached UCL for extra time in assessments yet and he has some exams in a few weeks. I've sent him all the links and asked him to go in person with his evidence on Monday. He's had ALL of the information since the start of term in September and has failed to do it so far. It is a bit frustrating that we can't be involved for DC who are not good at managing their own affairs. But he'll learn the hard way I guess if he struggles with the timed papers! I just find it annoying that he won't do the easy stuff.