Thread 27 Covid Cohort Snow or Like Spring? Let's Do This Thing!

[OrangeCinnamonCocktail]

This is a thread for supporting all young people post GCSEs 2020, regardless of their educational setting. It is respectfully requested that all are supportive and helpful to each other. If you want to start a debate, e.g state vs private, please don't within this thread. Please also be sensitive when responding to threads about grades.

Some of us have been here since first thread back in yr10, some will be new. Everyone has been friendly and helpful in the past. Everyone is welcome. It is hoped this will continue.

Our DS/DD may go down various paths (such as employment, apprenticeships, higher ed) We have decided for anyone interested they will most likely find us within the Further Ed board.

previous thread found here

Oh that reminds me of the mum who cast a sideways glance at my two when we were choosing secondary schools and said, "well, when your children are as bright as mine.....".

I don’t mind a bit of smugness from parents if their kids have actually achieved these grades. I am more annoyed at posts I see from parents of much younger kids posting on local groups “need an 11+ tutor for my 3 year old” or “how do I prepare my child for Oxbridge….. he’s 7”. These are actual posts on a local social media group I have seen recently.

@BlueMarigold

I don’t mind a bit of smugness from parents if their kids have actually achieved these grades. I am more annoyed at posts I see from parents of much younger kids posting on local groups “need an 11+ tutor for my 3 year old” or “how do I prepare my child for Oxbridge….. he’s 7”. These are actual posts on a local social media group I have seen recently.

It's being aware of who you are being smug around IMO. DS1 was always doing well in tests etc when in primary school, yet his best friend (not the one with smug mum) wasn't and I knew his Mum worried about - I wouldn't have dreamt of rubbing her face in it

@BlueMarigold

I am sure TSR is helpful for a lot of people. I didn’t find it overly helpful when looking into Biology or any of the unis my DD was interested in. There’s some information but I feel like the course/unis aren’t competitive enough to get much interest on there. I am getting more support from the Biology parents in this group.

Snap - but then same course and similar unis :-)

@sofakingcool you’re right. I don’t think any of my friends have been that rude to me about my DD’s grades.

Some people have but they aren’t real friends…. I was told that my DD wouldn’t be able to go to uni because she didn’t go to a grammar school and that her grades weren’t good enough. Now that it looks like she will be going, the same people are saying that Birmingham isn’t a “proper” university and that Biology is for people who couldn’t get into medicine. It’s not like they are showing off about their own DC either. They are still much younger and haven’t even done GCSES yet.

Wow @BlueMarigold! I haven't come across that at all. I've got friends from my home town that are just impressed that DD is going to uni (that is why we moved away though) and then I have friends here that think Biology is a great subject and the unis DD has chosed are great too.
Quite a few neighbours and hockey peope have asked what subject DD is studying and when I say Biology have said - oh great a proper subject! they only did ***.

People are funny. I've read plenty of comments on internet saying Biomed is for people who can't do medicine but never heard anyone actually say it in RL.

@sofakingcool People are just stupid sometimes, but sometimes they’re just nasty and enjoy seeing another parent squirm uncomfortably or silent.

@ExtremelyDetermined Well when your children are as bright as mine..... It’s because their parents have lost most of their own sense?

@BlueMarigold I can sort of see why parents of young children might want to know how to prepare for Oxbridge as Oxbridge isn’t something you can decide to pop for at the last minute due to the type of profile candidates must have. Apart from stellar grades (which also can take a while to build up) , all those in depth supracurriculars which take time I think parents are trying to make sure they are encouraging the right interests, so that when the time comes their dc is in a position to actually apply.

And to the poster who was told Birmingham is not a ‘proper’ university, I think you should feel more sorry for them and how thick they are. I wouldn’t even give that comment any thinking space.

What people forget is that the UK has some of the best universities in the world. We don’t have unregulated Unis here unlike the U.S (pls correct me if I’m wrong) and some other countries where people can setup a university and dish out degrees that aren’t recognised even within their own country.

Yes, there are different rankings but all are recognised and their conferred degrees can be used to work anywhere in the world and can be used to further education anywhere in the world! I went to an ex poly (that’s never mentioned on here) and later went to UCL for a Masters.

It’s a privilege to say I want an RG/New university/mid range/very selective/not too selective /targeted or semi targeted because we have variety and can choose what best suits each individual based on their personal profile and future ambition. ultimately there’s something that will suit everybody. The truth that a lot of these sneery parents don’t want to believe and pass down to their dc is that, if you go to any Uni in the UK and apply yourself and work hard, you will make it. Your journey might not be as fast and smooth as Johnny’s who went to Imperial and fast legged it onto ‘Deloitte’s’ training scheme by 21yrs of age, yours might take a little longer it you’ll get there. Doors aren’t all slammed in your face just because you didn’t go to a top 5 uni.

It’s this erroneous ideology that fuels the sneeriness on TSR! many of them can’t imagine that, despite going to Oxford or whatever,, they might find themselves side by side in the office with someone from Nottingham Trent doing the same job, it’s just the way things work.

That’s not to say don’t aim for the best, one should but the difference in outcomes 10yrs on isn’t as huge as people tend to think it is.

people are saying that Birmingham isn’t a “proper” university and that Biology is for people who couldn’t get into medicine

Really??!!! Birmingham is widely acknowledged to be excellent for loads of subjects, that says more about the ignorance of the person saying it. There are a lot of people who didn't make it into medicine doing Biomed in the hope of transferring at the end of the first year or doing grad medicine, which is very frustrating for the 59% or so who actually want to study Biomed and have a career in medical research. Look at Prof Sarah Gilbert (Biological Sciences UEA) who developed the Oxford vaccine www.google.com/amp/s/www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-55043551.amp

Well said, Shimy!
It’s funny, isn’t it? DCs’ school is a selective indie with some very bright kids, but there’s no feeling of some of the stuff that goes on on the TSR.

We’ve had comments from friends with DCs in the state school DD left (because their treatment of her SEN was appalling) along the lines of “well, of course, YOU pay to make sure your DC get good grades”, and “Is drama/film/theatre a proper subject?” etc.
With DS, it’s always, “Well, of course he’s good at music, with musicians for parents!”
Weirdly enough, it generally comes from people who are only too happy to tell you how fabulous their children are in everything (the parents of genuinely fabulous children tend not to need to tell other people how fabulous they are…)

DD is still waiting for her last 2 decisions too, one of which she’s fully expecting to be rejected from (KCL).
She’s been absolutely vile to all of us since mocks finished. I’m guessing the pressure is starting to show, but it doesn’t make it any easier to deal with - DH and I are exhausted by the perpetual feeling of being at war with her.

sorry @Alsoplayspiccolo I think thats the other area of parental smugness where you feel that everyone else has perfect teenagers who chat and study and don't shout at you constantly. They give a twinkly laugh when you explain that it is all you can do to get through some days without just walking out of the house.

It can be so painful and unrewarding.

We're in South London, and frankly any mention of a Non-RG uni gets such a rude response from some people. Not to mention just trashing some of the cities, like Plymouth and Swansea. I don't get why people think its okay to go on about how awful a place is. Its just rude.

Interesting Piccolo that dd has been "absolutely vile to all of us".
My ds1 has been vile recently, especially to Ds2. I literally can't leave them in the house together atm.

I am working 2 jobs atm. Every single night I come home late to a house where they are shouting at eachother.
Ds2 to Ds1 :
"I hate you. Hope you do get your place at Durham because I can't wait for you to leave. It can't come soon enough. "
"And I'm gonna take your room".

@Wheresthebeach

We're in South London, and frankly any mention of a Non-RG uni gets such a rude response from some people. Not to mention just trashing some of the cities, like Plymouth and Swansea. I don't get why people think its okay to go on about how awful a place is. Its just rude.

No offence to the lovely Londoners on this thread but I have found a certain tranche of MNers from south of the Watford Gap (well, actually south of Watford...) to be terribly sneering about certain RG unis too - for no really apparent reason , many have (at least on MN) dented the appeal of York, and hardly mention Birmingham or Sheffield, for example. It can't just be a North/South divide as Durham, Newcastle, St Andrews (not RG!) are heavily favoured and, to a lesser extent, Leeds. Campus unis are definitely a bit looked down on, although Bath and Exeter seem to confuse them!!

@Piggywaspushed Most of the people are lovely but there is an issue about sneering over education as some of the high performing secondary schools (private) are here so it feeds into the Uni issue as well. There have been a lot of negative comments about DD not putting Exeter on her list. To be honest, it's getting to me rather.

I'm not getting much of this in real life - I am still friends with some mums from primary school and some from ante-natal classes but they are all pretty grounded (I think a process of natural selection means I've lost touch with the annoying ones). DS attends a special school where any and every achievement is one to be proud of (I am friends with a lot of other mums there). DD (y11) - I am acquainted with quite a few of the other mums but don't really see them, it was only ever at school events etc which have largely stopped since covid.

I think (current southerner, brought up in midlands, went to uni in north) it’s about the perceptions that city names have amongst those who’ve never to those cities and somehow forget Brum is our second city! I’m lucky that ds mates are a very mixed bag so I’ve not heard any snobbery from the mums as ppl recognise different needs for different kids. I do have another group though where the snobbery is huge and the privilege level is very real. I just don’t tell them anything ;-)

@Oblomov22 That must be tough to come home. xx

Ovlomov, it’s so stressful and soul-destroying, isn’t it?
DD’s answer to everything at the moment is, “I can’t wait to go to uni so I can do what I want and not have to deal with you weirdos!”, followed by, “ I won’t be coming home at all”.
All this whilst asking us to pay for x, take her to y, and fix z, and expecting us to cheerlead for her at all times.

DS actually told her to stop being such a b**ch this morning - he’s had enough of it too.

Argh Oblomov - come home to.

@extremely I don't think I answered your question you posted last week.
DS1 had a dyslexia assessment I think 2 years ago & I was told at the time that should be sufficiently close to his exams & hopefully uni. His ADHD assessment was just before Xmas, so very up to date luckily. What do you have set up for exams? We've just asked for hourly breaks in the long exams. One of ds1's was 3 hours long recently & he still ran out of time. He writes so slowly & his hands become tired.

DS has received a much better second offer from Oxford Brooks. He's also developing a sense of entitlement & arrogance. I'm not sure whether it's the ADHD Pills or hormones. He was always a really lovely kind easy going boy until recently. I'm guessing he needs that arrogance for lifes rebuttals.

Good news about the Oxford Brooks offer, Fferny.
Do you think your DS has matured later, emotionally, because of having ADHD?
We feel that DD is going through the horrible teenage phase other kids go through at 13/14/15. They do say ADHD kids are behind their peers in that sense, and DD seems to be behaving like the archetypal Kevin, with the added bonus of thinking she is entitled to do whatever she wants because she’s 18.

No offence to the lovely Londoners on this thread but I have found a certain tranche of MNers from south of the Watford Gap (well, actually south of Watford...) to be terribly sneering about certain RG unis too - for no really apparent reason , many have (at least on MN) dented the appeal of York, and hardly mention Birmingham or Sheffield, for example. It can't just be a North/South divide as Durham, Newcastle, St Andrews (not RG!) are heavily favoured and, to a lesser extent, Leeds. Campus unis are definitely a bit looked down on, although Bath and Exeter seem to confuse them!!

It's interesting that all those universities and the towns sneered at are all very diverse and the ones they clap about aren't, hence why Bath and Exeter confuse them. Although, York is a slight anomaly there.