Class of 18. No need for new school shoes

[OhYouBadBadKitten]

Old thread:www.mumsnet.com/Talk/further_education/3478916-Class-of-18-now-in-2019-blimey

A thread for those of us whose kids left school/sixth form/college a year ago. Friendly chat :)

Marmite I am delighted you are home and comfortable.

DD is finding her flatmate is either out with her BF, asleep in bed or in with her BF and very 'couple-y'. It is making her feel quite lonely I think, and she is asking to FaceTime two or three times a week for (very) extended periods. She was on with DH and her sisters for almost two hours on Monday evening. Her course friends from last year are doing a different elective this year, and are in different lab groups, so she isn't seeing them much, and hasn't plucked up the courage to speak to her new lab group much. We have tried persuading her to join something (anything!) but she starts to plan doing it, then just can't seem to follow though. eg she took her instrument with her, but hasn't joined that society. She climbs, and has her kit with her, but wants to go and watch them before she joins in, and hasn't plucked up the courage to even go and watch. She has gone for a swim (though only once, not the three times a week she did at home) which is something.

She hates to eat alone, but feels she has too. We are trying to encourage her to invite people she knows over for a meal, even once a week. She is a good cook, and fairly adventurous, which is not helping with her flatmate, who seems to live off chicken nuggets and bread.

I'm hoping that when we see her at half term, and meet her flat mate properly, and hopefully a couple of other friends, that we will worry less.

Glad your hospital experience is good marmite.
Interesting about your dad. A neighbour said we are 'the sandwich generation ' looking after children well into early adulthood and having to extensively support ageing, ailing parents. At times, it's quite demanding.
That's hard on your DD Hardwick. Sounds like you are encouraging her. They get there in the end. My DS is socially shy to start with.
And I'm a mum who worries about cycling in the dark lobster. First few weeks of uni when she was getting lost, I was very nervous.

To be honest I worry that I am projecting a fair bit with DD1. She has had a tough couple of years, but I suspect I worry more than I need. We will visit her in a week, and get a better feel.

We took DD2 to Southampton for a look at the actual town rather than just the uni. We ran out of time on the open day. I think it may become her first choice. She likes that it feels manageable, the campus is very green, and it is a relatively quick journey home. She has a very close friendship group and I think none of them want to be more than a couple of hours from home. It is a very different process from DD1, who was very course/institution focussed.

Glad all went well with your operation marmite.

Hardwick inviting people for a meal sounds a very good idea, as people are so delighted to get a meal cooked for them as students, and to be organised into a social situation by someone else! And there is always the opportunity of asking people to bring some of the ingredients. There is a lovely book called Goodbye Cockroach Pie written by a friend of mine about student meals in Edinburgh 30 years ago!
Marmite how are you feeling this morning?
Ursula how is the dog behaving now?

Very wet here but amazing Virginia Creeper. I spent most of last week trying to persuade ds2 (who is dyslexic and ASD, but quite academic) to read a real book..as a result of piling interesting books up on him on architecture politics and Russia I felt a bit guilty and tried to read some myself. A rusty brain alas (mine) but with a real fire in the grate quite autumnal pleasures. I love half term. the dog and I woke at 9am this morning. Unfortunately he is now determined to go on a very long walk and undo the bath I gave him yesterday.

Tbh I was very cross with Ds2. I tried to bribe him to read the Glass Menagerie as he is studying Drama, (not that particular book though or playwright) and he refused pointblank. There is something about the PS that makes one feel very over invested/critical. As it can be snapshot of what they are interested in, not in a good way, sometimes.

Dog is settling in fine. He has got a bit barky in the evenings, we keep taking him out on the lead into the garden but then he likes to stand and gaze at the sky, which would be fine on a nice summer's evening but when it is cold and wet and he decided to drag me across the wet grass in my birkenstocks it's not so much fun. The bonus of this is that I try not to move much in the evening so as not to disturb him which cuts down on random snacking.

DD came home for the day yesterday. Popped to a horse show I was helping at, visited her old Saturday job, took the dog out and collected some conkers to ward off spiders in her shared house. When I say some, she collected 212 conkers. That should keep the spiders of Liverpool at bay!

Nettles I am ok thanks. Still have the drain in which is quite sore. Bit bored. DH has gone back to London today so I am at the mercy of DD2 who is far from being a domestic goddess. Hopefully the drain will be out in a couple of days and I can get out in the real world again.

Nettle given that DH and I were students in Edinburgh (just over) 30 years ago, I had to have a look at that book, and have just ordered it from Amazon. It should arrive with DD around the same time as us. I can't wait. DH and his flat mates used to cook a concoction including spam and tomatoes every Sunday night. His flat mates mum used to send care parcels that always included spam and tinned tomatoes, and they made up ever more bizarre ways to use it. The only constant was those two ingredients and I am sure I remember a time when a banana was added too.

Marmite hope you get out and about soon. I've been tramping around my DD's uni town and it's a good autumn out there.
Hardwicke, I think we do worry about our DC. It's not always easy being young. On a different note, I thoroughly recommend Southampton uni:Nice campus, town fine, well organised uni. We have some nice graduation photos on the green bits! Very picturesque.

Sunndowne Southampton uni is currently top of DS2's list. He is only Y12 so time for it to change. It is many, many hours drive away from us though so am kind of hoping he will think again!

Marmite hope your recovery continue well!

Yes, raspberry, my DD was initially going to miles and miles from home. More tricky to transport stuff. Soton is really good though! And has good transport links

Southampton is my alma mater - great place.

Southampton has a lovely campus. And they allow you to apply for accommodation even if it's your insurance choice, which most places don't.

That is a plus point Bronze. DS1 had that reassurance with his insurance, York.

How are you today marmite? I hope the recovery is going well

Hi Gin. I am ok. The drain is out and I am going out for the first time this morning. Gentle trip to garden centre for coffee. I have the biopsy results on Monday so will feel better after that mentally.

Hope everyone has a nice weekend!

Hooray for going out marmite :)

Good luck for Monday marmite

Enjoy your trip out lovely Marmite (hope you have cake with your coffee! )

DD has just hinted that she might live with her boyfriend next year
He has the chance to transfer his job to her uni town. In some ways it makes sense - it's costing him a fortune in trains going to visit her every other weekend, and he now has more friends down there than he has at home.
I just worry about her being isolated and not living the "full university experience". Or it being a disaster and affecting her studies.

The added complication is that her course is 4 years l, and for final year it's compulsory to live in college so they'd have to go back to living apart for a year.

marmite good to know that you are making progress. I hope Monday brings reassuring news.

lobster that's a tricky one. Could the boyfriend transfer his job so that they are nearer each but not actually live together?

I have just come back from visiting dd. She is clearly struggling mentally and physically with serious knock on effects on her studies.
She has however been talking to people and is now applying to continue her degree part-time. Her school of studies have agreed in principle but it has to be approved at college (faculty) level.

She does seem a bit brighter now that there seems to be a way forward and possibly also as a result of the antidepressants.
Obviously going part-time has big financial implications so we are investigating these at the moment.

The sale of Mum's flat completed this week so for the first time I had to stay in an hotel. That was difficult but will I suppose get easier as time goes on.

Ds meanwhile is still in limbo with regard to funding.

And Dh has just been registered as visually impaired (just in case we didn't have enough to deal with).

Nohaudin you have a lot to deal with. Issues come like buses in families don't they?

My issues are mostly with GPs old age health these days. I had tricky issues with both my DC at certain points which are now mostly resolved - hope that will soon be same for you.

Lobster she will probably be very influenced by your thoughts on this. What about if the boyfriend lives in a shared house with her and some others, so there isn't such a big division between her and her student friends; then if necessary it would be easier for him to find somewhere else to live if all went pearshaped. I shared a student house with my boyfriend at the time but with various other people in the house too, and we had our own rooms. It might not seem so neat/economical, but I think it can make it easier when you have your own territory. But to suggest that is a bad idea for them to live together might be too heavy handed, I think there could be another option. Actually I would be more concerned about him, being the one left out.
Haudin I hope the part time plan can be made to work financially, it does sound really hopeful. But what a lot of extra work for you to arrange Alternatively try and convince her to change courses so that she is nearer home?????

I've been having difficulty trying to convince ds1 that he would be well placed to take a work placement sandwich year. He rang me up babbling about some thing that was annoying him in the media, and then blurted out that he couldn't cope with trying to organise the work placement and didn't even know who to ask in his department. I did feel I was beating my head against a brick wall...I cannot at this stage in his life ring up people and ask them anything, it all has to come from him. After about 10 minutes of arguing with him, I suddenly realised that, foolish as he was being, it was in fact his life and if he didn't want to do the highly useful work placement year, well, that was his decision. So I left it. And told him he needed to get a job in the holidays as a matter of urgency for his confidence. And he seemed a bit more convinced of this necessity. But I was pleased that he likes it there so much that he doesn't want to interrupt his studies. He is in a musical,and seemed quite busy, too busy to come back for the weekend delicious food even though he said he was stressed and struggling to fit in organising everything food/academic work. He also said that he now wished he wasn't in halls because it was a bit too regimented, too many firedoors and security fobs. So obviously now worrying about next year and accommodation from the face of it..

Ds2 struggling with his history coursework for year 13 A level. It seems like only yesterday you were all talking about A level history coursework for our "students" Ds1 didn't do history A level so it is new experience for me. So far all the books he is dipping into, appear fascinating. (though I fear to me, not him)

NoHaudin sorry to hear that you have so much on your plate. I'm glad your DD is starting to feel as though there is a light at the end of the tunnel.

DS is coming back for reading week, and will be arriving this evening. It'll be good to see him.

Ds2 struggling with his history coursework for year 13 A level.

If it is anything like the geography NEA that DD had to do last year I feel your pain Nettleskeins

I hope your D manages to find a way forward NoHaudinMaWheest . DD was on fluoxetine for about 18 months as she was struggling.