Year 12 #1 - GCSEs are sooo last year!

[bpisok]

New thread to see us through to Christmas?

I’d say that it’s a good sign that your DS has read up on what might be behind his self-harm. It shows he has an awareness that things aren’t ‘right’, and finding out why is a good step towards moving forwards.

abitofastate please don’t think it makes you a bad mum. It really, really doesn’t. Now it’s out in the open hopefully he (and you) can get the support you need.

And I agree with pannetone that your DS reading up about it is a positive.

Thank you for all your kind words. He has really been very good at hiding it and also the mood swings he says he has. I'm not really sure why he does it. He is reluctant to talk about it and saw the GP on his own and then I was called in at the end so I don't really know what he said. He did say that its when he "hates himself" and also something about when people think he's really cleaver, but he doesn't think so, but then it turns out he does know things but doesn't know how.... He says the cutting makes him feel better for a few hours and as if he "has control".

But he says it cycles (hence thinking bipolar 2) and he feels ok at the moment.

Sorry to depress the thread, but I can't quite face the MH ones at the moment!

Hi Onestep. We've had around 20 previous threads under the GCSEs 2018, but that was then, this is now.

Meanwhile abitifastate it wouldn't even have occurred to me to look for signs of self-harming in a boy, so you shouldn't blame yourself at all. The important thing is that you now know there is a problem so you can do something about it. Have you taken a look at the Young Minds website? 0808 802 5544 is their Parents helpline. They may be able to give you some support before CAMHs step in and give you the chance to talk to someone who has been there as a parent, who understands how scared and confused you may be feeling.

Unload on hear as much as you need. What you (and he) said makes a lot of sense.

abitofastate you mustn't blame yourself for not knowing - I'm afraid that is how it tends to go. It is really good that your DS spoke to the GP and has asked for help. I hope you both get the support you need.

Abitofa- it's unlikely that you could have known. And there's no blame.
It's a very good sign that he is looking things up and speaking to the gp.
💐

@abitofastate - pmd you

Hi to Abitofastate and sorry to hear what you are going through with your DS. We are all very friendly here.

Madingley Road Park and Ride would be the closest one to Sidgwick site. (Probably 25-30 minutes walk though. So a Just Park parking space would be good. Or the park and ride bus takes you into the centre.

Map for buses from station to City Centre (and then it is about a 10-15 walk to Sidgwick site (over the river)

tiscon-maps-stagecoachbus.s3.amazonaws.com/RouteMaps/East/NETWORK%20MAPS/CAMBRIDGE%20CITI%20MAP%20-%20FEB%2018-WEB.pdf

@abitofastate - DS1 and DS2 are at a boys school and I happened to sit next to a Deputy Head at a recent lunch. I was astonished to hear that self harming was an issue at the school as I simply had never heard of boys doing it. I know it happens at DD's school but the degree of it is shocking - it simply wasn't a thing at my school back in the 1980s. There were a handful of eating disorders and if there was anything else it wasn't public knowledge.

I think is brilliant that he has confided in you - you must be a great Mum for him to be able to do that. I hope my DC would do the same if they needed to.

Welcome onestep. Thank you pannetone for the Just Park tip. Will look.

@abitofastate it is hard. But please know that you are not to blame and you are not alone. That this has now surfaced, that he is trying to understand it and that he is willing to see a GP about it all means that he is on a subconscious level asking for help. I think that first time they open up about it is the hardest step for them. It is a step in the right direction. I hope you get the support you need. Post when you need to. I know how lonely it can be. But you are not alone. 

Thank you also shalom for the park and ride info.

The assessment is important for DD just as you say for self esteem so that she can understand herself. It is really important to her and I think we will do it.

abitofastate, my niece’s DS has self harmed between 12 and 14yo. He couldn’t explain why he did it. He was having some bullying and friendship issues at school and was in danger of becoming a bit of a rebel there in an attempt to get attention/become more popular. Lots of low self esteem issues. But what the self harm was achieving he couldn’t explain. It seems like an epidemic in schools. My niece was horrified, obviously but CAHMS sessions do seem to have helped. He has also moved schools for a ‘fresh start’ but still early days.

So sorry, no real advice but just to let you know you’re not alone and it’s no reflection on your parenting. The fact that he’s now being more open with you and looking for help is great.

Sorry, have been travelling back from Italy and didn't get a chance to check the thread. Luckily this thread is full of people who have a range of experiences, some of which overlap with ours.

As Pannetone and others have said, the masterclass is at Lady Mitchell Hall, which is just over a mile from the train station. DS2 walks further every day to get to school, so is quite happy with doing a 25 minute walk in any weather, but would baulk at trying to catch a bus, let alone in a city he has never visited.

I can't yet comment on how supportive the school will be with an Oxbridge application for a pupil with ASD, as it's too early to tell. He has not yet even decided whether he wants to apply to one of them.

Is anyone else's DC planning to sit the UKMT maths challenge on Tuesday? DS2 will have to miss lunch to fit it into his timetable, so his maths teacher is providing pizza.

DS3 is having a go at the UKMT but when I mentioned looking online for some past papers he didn’t seem keen! So I don’t hold out any great hopes.

He did pretty well last year in the intermediate challenge (as some of might remember,) best in his pretty ordinary school and got a merit in the kangaroo, but nothing like as good as some of the bright mathematicians on this thread!

DS1 is due to do it. I asked him about it only half an hour ago. I have been trying to convince him to do a past paper as a warm up this weekend, but so far he is looking at me like I'm deranged or something!

I'm not imagining this, am I: To get a place on any competitive university course, you need to be able to demonstrate that you like the subject by doing something extra-curricular once in a while?

Perfect cross post whistl!

I guess we have twins!

@ABitOfAState some of the young people I work with self-harm, usually as a coping mechanism when things become stressful or overwhelming. Some of them have found the CalmHarm app useful. I hope the CAMHS appointment is helpful.

Another one not holding out much hope for ukmt and with no extra time and no calculator it makes things difficult for ds as even on the questions he can do it takes him an age to work out what the question is asking and he often misreads some of it. Unfortunately it’s compulsory for FM students. He was given a past paper to bring home but not shown any interest. He has done a bit of maths and physics revision though so that’s something.

Yes ds doing UKMT. He has to go into school and sit it at 8 as it clashes with a 6th form trip! Then there is the Team challenge later in the month.

DS2 took two SMC past papers to Italy with him only because I wouldn't let him bring his laptop in one paper he managed correct solutions to 22 of the questions but in the other he only managed 15. He is capable but not consistent.

It's a good thing this challenge is just for fun, with nothing riding on it, because there's a wide range in how he might perform on any given day. Let's hope his maths becomes a bit more reliable in the next 18 months.

By the way TheFirstOHN has your d's got his G8 exam date? Ds very pleased that his is 29th November (phew) particularly as there are quite a lot of unreliable scales....