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Further education

You'll find discussions about A Levels and universities on our Further Education forum.

Original poster

Christmas half term - Year 13 (another original thread title!)

976 replies

OhYouBadBadKitten · 03/11/2017 10:15

Carrying on from previous thread

I'm so rubbish with thread titles. Anyway...

This time last year there was lots of chat about tests/exams/mocks at this point. Are there fewer of them, or is everyone more chilled about them?

OP posts:
catslife · 02/02/2018 09:15

Welcome back ellen. It's good to hear from others who are not taking the university route.
Last week we had our last ever parents evening which was a bit of a disappointment because only one teacher out of 3 was actually present. Still waiting to hear feedback from those who weren't present (who are now back at college).
OK it's not the college's fault, but this didn't get a good write-up on the parent feedback form!
Art exhibition went well and the standard of work was very high.
Still missing ddog - house seems very quiet!
On a more positive note dd has passed her driving theory test this week. She has had some driving lessons already but we can go ahead and book some more now.

Nettleskeins · 02/02/2018 14:21

still struggling to communicate with school. Have spoken to HOY but the left hand and right hand do not seem to be connecting. Had phone call to ask why he wasn't in, when the HOY told him not to come in (it Inset today but he had some "intervention" scheduled, which was then cancelled - however intervention people did not know this Shock) I'm having the issue that when I ask for clarification they say, we don't have the resources, then when I offer resources (ie tutoring in school hours) they say they are responsible for teaching him and no-one else is allowed to do it, against rules, and they are helping him 1:1. But the 1:1 is not tackling the most basic problem, his knowledge and his exam technique, they are suggesting ways to rephrase sentences he has already written, which is a bit like adding seasoning to cold watery soup without any potatoes in it.

Ds has a private tutor who could not solve the problem of substance but was good on technique; ds likes him and chats well to him, so I am sending him back there today, after 6 month absence. It seems all I can do, as ds refuses to engage otherwise in any suggestions.

I made ds lunch today, sometimes all we can do are small things. I also read some of the poems he is studying.

I feel I am going to look on back on this and think, why oh why did I not fight the school on this. Just don't know how to. They really think it is better for him to go to lessons, not improve, get an E, than be taken out for some lessons get help tailored to him. They really think this, and I can only assume it is something to do with precedent and funding.

FantasyAndHope · 03/02/2018 20:29

Congrats hardwick
A nice £160 has just left my bank account due to dd and the cost of train tickets to London
If you find out of any useful tactics please share nettle dd has been in tears this weekend over it

There’s a very useful Facebook group dd has stumbled across called WIWIKAU ( What I wish I knew about university) and dd has been gathering lots of knowledge from there
May be useful parents can join too. Dd says it’s predominantly parents

Original poster
OhYouBadBadKitten · 03/02/2018 21:38

Can I ask a question? dd has suddenly developed a pretty active social life and is off out with friends, sometimes a single friend at weekends up to our nearest city. This is a new development for us.

I had an ultra strict bringing up and I don't know what's normal at this age. Is she supposed to be telling me exactly where she is going or is the general area ok? Does she need to update me if they move on? She's travelling by train, so I worry about her travelling back by herself. None of her friends drink or go to clubs or anything like that. But in 9 months time she will have gone to Uni and I'll have no clue where she is. I don't know how much I'm supposed to let go at this stage.

OP posts:
UrsulaPandress · 03/02/2018 22:28

I can understand your concerns if this is new. When dd started going to a local nightclub I would go to bed with my phone and not sleep until I head her come in.

Most times now she is out with a group including her boyfriend so I have to presume that she is safe. She often stays at his so I don't know she is safe until the morning.

I work on the no news is good news principle.

And yes, next year we won't have a bloody clue where they are.

MrSlant · 03/02/2018 22:30

Ellen do stay, I have an ASD/ADHD/dyspraxic son and I think we have been on the same threads since before they went to secondary school. I want to see how they are all doing whatever it is, this is the year 13 thread after all not the uni thread. It must be very satisfying to know he has the grades to get him a place doing what he does well and you will be there to support him. At the moment DS1 looks like he is going to uni but it's quite a new development and there is a chance it could all change in a heartbeat, I'm there for him whatever he ends up doing.

OYBBK I don't know, how are we supposed to know this stuff? It's ridiculous, where are the stage by stage books to help with the late teens? I was a slave to "Toddler Taming" we need "How and when to loosen the grip on your Teen". If it helps at 18 I was in a very strict boarding school and the first few weeks of freedom at uni were intoxicating but somehow I managed to go out, come home and get a degree too. These are the facts I tell myself at 4am at least.

MrSlant · 03/02/2018 22:31

Oh Ursula, I know

Original poster
OhYouBadBadKitten · 03/02/2018 22:50

I'm relieved that it is ok not to know where they are exactly. We've had slight battles with her not noticing the time and not getting the train I expected her on. I've pointed out that dh let's me know when he expects to be home and if he changes his plans.
I can't exactly ground her though if she doesn't stick to that, so I'm hoping we can wing it with reason.

I wish there was a guide too :(

OP posts:
raspberryrippleicecream · 03/02/2018 23:01

Its hard OYBBK.

DD went to a concert (classical) last night 100 miles away with her friend driving, they stayed overnight and came back today. Its actually almost easier when you aren't waiting for them to come in!

I am constantly having to remind about keeping in touch too!

FantasyAndHope · 03/02/2018 23:13

OYBBK
I ask that dd always keeps in touch however she isn’t out that much due to been in boarding school and working at weekends.
So quite often she is exhausted and doesn’t want to go out

Nettleskeins · 03/02/2018 23:25

I think the minimum would be to let me know where they are going, and who she is with, and remind to stick with person she knows. I think that uni is a protected environment in one sense that the distances are a bit smaller (I would hope) and the people you meet tend to be peers not general public? Does that make sense? And halls of residence offer some kind of buffer towards being "lost" and unaccounted for?

UrsulaPandress · 04/02/2018 06:23

Dd drives to her boyfriends. Let me know when you get there I say. An hour later I text her to ask if she is ok.

Original poster
OhYouBadBadKitten · 04/02/2018 09:30

It does seem hard for them to remember to text once they meet up.
Thanks everyone, I do,feel a bit easier about the level of contact.

OP posts:
HesMyLobster · 04/02/2018 13:10

Kitten my experience is similar, in that DD has only really started to want to socialise this year so it's a bit like 0-60 straight away with no build up!
She travels by train to Birmingham (about an hour away) fairly regularly to see bands.
She's pretty good at telling me plans beforehand - I always insist on knowing where they are meeting, so that if anything happens "I know where to start looking"

But like all teens, communication through the night was a problem.
Until I got Snapchat! Honestly, it's been a revelation!
If your DC use it then definitely get on it. They ignore texts and iMessages but it's like a genetic compulsion, they are programmed to reply immediately to a Snap (even from me!) and simply can't ignore one. usually I just get a grainy photo of her face or a crowd in a bar but at least I can see she's ok (and still standing!) I think it's easier to snap a quick photo than compose a text too, whilst in the midst of a night out.

Then I'll often get a snap of a bar sign if they go on somewhere else, and a train timetable so I know she's back at the station etc.

Original poster
OhYouBadBadKitten · 04/02/2018 13:27

That sounds like a great way round it Lobster! Sadly she doesn't use snapchat, but hopefully handy for others.

I do realise that this summer, loads will be off to various greek islands going clubbing Grin I'm going to have to let go pretty quickly.

OP posts:
UrsulaPandress · 04/02/2018 14:08

Crikey I don't have Snapchat. Does it not mean you see their whole timeline? ie every thing they share with their mates?

starfleet · 04/02/2018 16:27

Is Snapchat the one that whatever they post just stays on for a few minutes until you read it and then it disappears? DS's phone is always pinging with Snapchat messages - I don't have it and he'd probably block me anyway!

We picked his new (to him) car up last night and he drove it home from the garage. He also drove himself to work this morning. I've said he has to send me a text whenever he reaches his destination so I know he is safe. He's not going to to be so reliant on me now - I'm happy but also a little 🙁. How life changes.

UrsulaPandress · 04/02/2018 16:28

The freedom! Good luck with getting a text.

derektheladyhamster · 04/02/2018 17:07

DS uses messenger. He actually replies to me on that!
He's booked his holiday to Corfu with 8 mates for September (all make...) It all seemed really organised so I asked who had organised it. 'Tui' he said. It took me a couple of minutes to work out that this wasn't one of his mates and they'd actually gone into a real life bricks & mortar travel agents to book it. How old school is that? Shock
He's doing ok I think. He's seen the counselor again and is due to go tomorrow again. He had another long chat with his trusted biology teacher so I'm relieved he's found someone to talk to.

chocolateworshipper · 04/02/2018 18:58

derek I'm so pleased that things seem fairly positive for you

I think that SnapChat is the one where things disappear quite quickly - but I'm happy to be proved wrong! DD won't let her younger sister be friends with her on there, so I can't imagine she'd let me see what she's posting! However, I'm lucky that we all have iPhones with "Find My Friends" so I can always see where she is.

HesMyLobster · 04/02/2018 21:00

Oh she definitely blocks me from seeing her "story" so I don't see all the stuff her friends see!
Yes, it is the one where the picture disappears after a few seconds, depending on your settings (mine last for "infinity" DD's vary from 2-10 seconds!)

Glad to hear things are looking more positive Derek. Having a holiday to look forward to will hopefully help, and brilliant that he has his teacher to talk to.

ShanghaiDiva · 04/02/2018 23:33

We use wechat to keep in touch. I ask ds to let me know when he is coming home and with any change of plans. He is pretty good at keeping in touch. He doesn't drive so it's metro or taxi for him.

LoniceraJaponica · 05/02/2018 09:34

How have I missed this thread? Joining in for the support.

Original poster
OhYouBadBadKitten · 05/02/2018 10:11

Welcome back Lonicera Grin you were on the thread at the beginning!

OP posts:
LoniceraJaponica · 05/02/2018 10:15

I had hidden it, and can't remember why.