Christmas half term - Year 13 (another original thread title!)

[OhYouBadBadKitten]

Carrying on from previous thread

I'm so rubbish with thread titles. Anyway...

This time last year there was lots of chat about tests/exams/mocks at this point. Are there fewer of them, or is everyone more chilled about them?

knittingwithnettles I'm glad he's been able to accept some support with it. He sounds a bit similar to DS.

Second is ds applying to do a science, social science or humanities subject? (but only if you want to answer)

I need to clean the house today - I've felt so pre-occupied I couldn't think straight, even when kids out of the house, let alone when they are in it. There are papers and books and info everywhere, pertaining to gsces and A levels,and sixth forms and universities, none of which can be cleared up, but possibly I can try and sort them into better piles [sigh] I put a cardboard box on the table to start out, and then the cat sat in it...

Ds1 is not very good at accepting support. I think he believes what happens in school stays in school, but then he forgets that he has to share teachers with so many other students that inevitably the quality of support will be strained. Essentially he just hates people interrupting his thought processes! Fair enough

thanks Lashings!
One week to go and its the end of term. woo hoo!!!!

Can I ask a quick question? What happens if you accept an unconditional offer, either as a firm or an insurance, and then change your mind? Can you back out completely? Could you still go through clearing? Just want to be sure I'm understanding the process properly...

knittingwithnettles he is applying to do History

DoIStay my understanding is that as soon as you accept any offer everything else is automatically rejected.
Accepting an unconditional also means you dont get an insurance, because you don't need one, and you don't get entered into clearing.
I have heard of people phoning up their firm or insurance choice on results day and asking to be released so that they can go somewhere else through clearing, but I think that's unusual. I don't think they have to agree to it.

That's scary if they won't release you. They can't make you go surely?

I think you don't have to go to university, but it might mean that you cannot re-enter Clearing.

However, I think that most unis will release you if you are desperate because they obviously don't want a student who drops out in the first year! But you would presumably have had to be planning the move for some time before the results came out, if you had an unconditional; to change your mind on the day of the exam results might be a bit odd, unless you were way under predicted.

Ds1 has come back all chuffed from handing in his UCAS PS. I was hoping it had actually gone to UCAS, but no, it still needs the reference from HOY who is sending all of them off in a batch next week -please please can we be done with this long drawn out torture .

We all went out for a Chinese meal this evening to celebrate, only spoilt by ds1 being so tired that he went home early Then we became irrationally annoyed by the 45 minute wait for one toffee banana portion and dd started bargaining for Reading Festival tickets "after my GSCEs".

house still not very clean, but it does feel slightly calmer. Ds2 is off school after Monday (study leave means end of term comes v quickly) and we are planning to do some paperwork!! and toy shopping for little cousins.

It's been a strange couple of days, ds1 was given an offer of an interview yesterday (as posted above), shortly after I heard that one of my friends had passed away.
It was definitely a day of mixed emotions. I found it strange in the card shop today, surrounded by Christmas stuff and people in buoyant mood whilst I was looking at condolence cards holding back the tears. It's certainly put things into perspective.

Ds1 finally heard from the last university he was waiting on. He has the questionnaire and can continue with his application. It was all a bit low key given the circumstances but he is pleased he can now get it sorted.

Littledrummergirl I am sorry to hear that you lost a friend, it's hard at any time of the year. Christmas is brutal for the recently bereaved, happy families on all the adverts, those long standing family traditions shot to pieces, "best Christmas ever" being pushed on numerous adverts. Part of me says that the first Christmas is terrible anyway so you might as well get it out of the way while you are still raw. Anyway you look at it there is only the choice between give up or carry on.

We lost our Parish Priest yesterday. Not unexpected but still very sad.

Sorry to hear about your friend Littledrummergirl...we have been to two funerals in the last week, so I know what you mean about the contrast at this time of year. I was also out last night with a group which is one short because a friend died in January, so the first Christmas without her being there.

Lobster and Knitting thanks for confirming what I thought about unconditionals...DS has to decide essentially between accepting an unconditional firm or a conditional firm with unconditional insurance, so either way would have an unconditional, but I know he would feel disappointed if he ended up going to the unconditional insurance uni when he could have accepted the unconditional firm, if you see what I mean. I'm wondering whether it would make sense to firm the conditional but not put the other unconditional as reserve, on the off chance that he might get a better uni through clearing? Or is that unnecessarily risky?

If you have accepted an unconditional then why do you need a reserve?

Knitting he would either accept an unconditional firm, so no reserve in that situation, or a conditional firm with and unconditional reserve, which is where I'm wondering whether he could not put the unconditional as reserve in the hope of getting a place through clearing at what he might consider a "better" uni.

I am sorry LDG, and Ursula too.

Christmas really does jar sometimes. Im another one of us who has had a very difficult year and I can’t get my head around Christmas either.

doi, I think there is no compulsion to put an insurance down if he doesn’t want to.

I would firm the conditional. It is three years of his life, and if he would eel disappointed with the unconditional either as his first or second choice, why do it? At least with firming his conditional he can still continue to think things over, and as you say, go into Clearing.

I am now sitting here brooding wondering if ds did the right thing to put Oxford Brookes and Surrey on his application, both to all accounts very good places to study, but I looked at courses again and wondered whether they were the wrong course content for him. Honestly the wondering never stops.. It is amazing how two BA courses can seem so entirely different.

feel not eel!

Pandross I am sorry about your PP they work so hard, they sacrifice so much, and they are remembered so well

Ds2 now has an sixth form college interview (plan B) when the boiler man is due (after several missed appts) next week is earliest he can come. I am tempted to choose hot water but I suppose I should now cancel the boiler man aargh. we do have hot water, but it is a long runnign saga with the shower thermostadt, that has been put on backburner (no pun intended) whilst I grappled with ds1.

Thank you all for the kind words. It's appreciated. Sorry to hear about your news doi and Ursula.

I'm glad things seem to be ticking along at the moment for everyone though.

Knitting there are two unconditionals...one is only unconditional if firm, but is at a good RG uni which he did like, but wouldn't be commutable daily. The conditional is with another good RG which would in theory be commutable if necessary. The second unconditional can used as insurance but is not RG. I'm unsure whether I am putting too much emphasis on whether he could commute or not, but with his ASD diagnosis it seems sensible to keep that option open as we really have no idea how he will cope with communal living. He liked both the RG unis, but if he puts the conditional on as firm, he's passing up a definite place at an RG uni to possibly end up at the non RG insurance choice - aarrghh!!!

I know I'm rambling, because there isn't a wrong or right choice here, but again, with his diagnosis I'm not sure he's capable of working out how he feels either. I honestly didn't think it would be this stressful (naive, I know!)

I don't have the answer to your question except to say the following:

I have one friend who son with ASD is at a very RG in flat of 19,which he finds mildly stressful and is looking into living alone next year! However he is loving the uni and the STEM course and everything else. Last year he wanted to live at home and was looking into commuting (ie lived in London wanted to go to Imperial Kings or Brunel or Surrey even (not really commutable but near home ifysim) By end ofthe year he had completely changed his mind and was happy to go further afield. And is where he is now.Heart set on it. Also considerations of saving money,went out of the window when hefound the RG he loved. He had matured in a year, and was ready to be independentin new ways.

Second friend also has son with ASD, he went to Sussex with verygood grades in STEM,through clearing,but found it impossible to cope with being away fromhome although initially absolutelyloved it,and is now commuting to a London uni (took gap year in the end after abortive start at first uni) He tried halls second time but it still was not for him, range of social interaction was just too much as well as coursedemands. However,course is going well,and commuting is going well.

So, you just don't know how it is going to work out. I would be asking the far away RG uni about their supportservices, first friend's son refused to have any support which was partof the problem.

And both these young men was very very fixed about their initial choices,to the extent that the one who went through clearing had set his heart on a very difficult RG whose offer he did not make (ie Durham)

goodness I need to put my GSCE hat on again and do revision with DS2 for drama. He is trying to make a snowman (with slush) outside.Dh is sat on a plane at Heathrow trying to head for Berlin and frothing at mouth because the English cannot deal with snow (his words not mine)

Thanks Knitting The second RG isn't far away, it's close enough that we can intervene if necessary, but it's not a quick commute...first would be 30-40 min drive, second is about 1hr 15 by train, so technically commutable I suppose, but not easy. At the moment he is keen to try living away, and if I'm honest he could thrive (I hope so!), and this would be our ideal scenario...but the first RG gives us the safety net in case it goes wrong. Both seem to have good support services...the first I'm aware of from a friend's son who went and accessed support in his first year, and the second have been very supportive for the offer holders day etc. Again, hard to choose!

In terms of accommodation, one allocates halls places based on personality type, interests etc...which would hopefully mean he was in with an appropriate group from the beginning...but is in halls of maybe 12. The second is smaller flats of 5 or 6, but allocates randomly.

I think we will arrange to visit both again, sit in on lectures, visit labs, stroll around campus on a normal "working" day, etc and see how he feels after that.

second friend's son refused to have support, sorry typo.

I think visiting both again, sounds like an excellent idea.