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Fostering

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on fostering.

What motivations are acceptable for fostering?

130 replies

Hamburger233 · 02/11/2023 09:07

If I'm honest that I'm mostly motivated to consider fostering because my only child (6) is regularly mentioning her lack of siblings, how she'd love a sibling, how she'd like to look after them (she loves younger kids, loves looking after them) etc. ...would that exclude us from fostering?

(Obviously children needing fostering in our area may not be younger, I'm aware).

OP posts:
CraftyGin · 09/11/2023 16:33

To answer the OP's question, our reason was that 'we can'. We had space in our house because most of our adult children had left. We had both committed to retiring in the year we did our assessment. We had caring experience (schoolteacher and church pastoral leader).

This seemed to be enough to trigger the assessment process.

If you pass the initial one hour assessment, you will be given an assessing social worker. Our programme was about 10 weeks x 2 hours, when the ASW goes through every aspect of your childhood, family values, relationships, support in the community etc.

It may be some things you have shared here will be red flags, and they will either terminate the process, or help you deal with them. There is absolutely no shame in putting yourself forward, but, as you have seen here, it is important to give the right impression.

Your 6yo would be 7 before any placement, which is cognitively a step change. However, I agree with many of the comments here that she is still quite young, so it might be an idea to wait until she is a bit older and a bit less dependent on you, eg when she goes to secondary school. Depending on the foster child, you can have a lot of appointments, so being able to work can be difficult. They don't tell you this on the process.

Not all FC are high needs. Our 6yo has no additional needs and her school is 5 minutes away. We have found that you have to be very careful when deciding to accept a child - that they will fit into your family. Your DD's needs come first.

Good luck in whatever you decide. You might be grabbed by the social workers, but make sure you are totally happy with any placement agreements you make, and ask lots of questions. We were not happy with fostering placements until I learnt to ask, after telling me they loved sports and baking - now tell me the bad stuff.

Scissor · 09/11/2023 18:04

Another option that worked well for a friend of mine was respite care, she had the same 2 siblings every second weekend and some holidays for many years.
They were looked after mainly by their family member, who due to illness needed regular breaks. Kinship care.
My friends biological child had 12 days out of 14 with parents and no interruptions. The balance worked very well for them and helped support a whole other family, not just the children.

Nemareus · 09/11/2023 19:24

I would look after a relative’s children. If my own children were happy with fostering and understood what it would entail then why not? However, I’ve read a lot of harrowing stories which are off putting.

coffeetofunction · 09/11/2023 19:28

caringcarer · 02/11/2023 14:04

I'm a Foster Carer and I was motivated to Foster because I was a teacher and saw how a looked after child was totally transformed after going from an institution to a long term foster carer. A very disruptive and aggressive child gradually became less angry and started to learn and over time to consider others. I thought to myself, I want to make that difference for a child too. We got our Foster Son at 5 and now he's still with us at 17 1/2.

Thank you for sharing your experience.

coffeetofunction · 09/11/2023 19:35

OP I've considered fostering on more occasions than I'd like to admit. I'd like to use my experience and knowledge I've gained as a mother of three other children to offer a safe place for other children that need it.

I'd like to give a child stability, hope, understanding, time and so much more. I do however realise I already have three children plus numerous other teens that stay with us, and believe their lives would be impacted by the dynamics of the commitment that come from fostering.....
My youngest DD wanting an other sibling, is not and would never be a reason to foster.

Borrow a dog, I bet your DC soon feels different when they have to share your time

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