What motivations are acceptable for fostering?

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If I'm honest that I'm mostly motivated to consider fostering because my only child (6) is regularly mentioning her lack of siblings, how she'd love a sibling, how she'd like to look after them (she loves younger kids, loves looking after them) etc. ...would that exclude us from fostering?

(Obviously children needing fostering in our area may not be younger, I'm aware).

I’m sure they were tempted but no, they loved doing what they did knowing that they were the stepping stone before adoption. She said a lot of the babies would come to her addicted to drugs (birth mothers were addicts) so would be really hard work to begin with and often have health issues.

Fostering is not try before you buy.

if you want to adopt, then go through the adoption process.

My DDs' foster carer was always very clear she was a temporary carer before children moved home again, or moved to a permanent placement.

Foster Carers are skilled professionals who have to deal with children at short notice and try to cope with whatever issues come up. Our children were able to move on to us successfully because of the work the foster carers had put in for the (nearly) 2 years beforehand.

That sounds like it worked very well.

Your son sounds like a great lad.

There was no financial concern for me in the prospect, but your idea is certainly an interesting one.

If I did it, it would be a total career change for me.

We'd also have to move house, but that's not a big deal.

Fostering is not try before you buy.

What a delightful interpretation of someone saying that they thought fostering might give their family the experience to know if they could cope with adoption.

She wants a sibling so you're doing to get a series of them that come and then leave her?

Can you get a sperm donor instead? At least that one won't leave her

Yep, they are amazing.

And yet YOU'RE considering fostering to give her a play toy.

As I have explained a couple of times above .... I wondered if fostering might give us the opportunity to see how we cope, before considering adoption (or not).

If we fostered a child, coped ok and there was an opportunity to try to adopt them; i can't imagine what would stop us from trying.
If there were no opportunities like that, at least we would have helped provide a home for those children, and would know how we coped (or didn't) with a view to considering adoption.

Re. the sperm donor; I am 47 (and married).

You are very very extreme and wilfully obtuse.... Is something triggering you?

It is expensive to train foster carers.
It is expensive to train potential adopters.

It isn't in my view fair to the children or the LA to train as a foster carer if your aim is to adopt.
If your aim is to adopt, then look into it, do the reading, meet other adopters etc etc, and decide.

If you are interested in fostering/adoption have you looked at Early Permanence?

There are absolutely no parallels or things in common in the training?

Yes - You wanting a try before you kid to see if you should adopt cos your child currently likes the idea of a sibling.

I'll look at it, thank you.

I’m very concerned about your view of fostering being some sort of “ try before you buy scheme” as in foster a child and if they are young enough and undamaged enough then the foster family ( and if your child liked them enough then you) should adopt them rather than them being moved on to another placement. Most fostering organisations whether local authority or charity hold open sessions where you could investigate more and educate yourself a little. I have family members who fostered and then did adopt a very young child, who had been removed at birth and placed with another lovely foster family first, so you might think relatively unaffected by the experience, that didn’t prove to be the case at all.

Was that meant to say "try before you buy".

I know you're loving trotting that phrase out on repeat - even though I've already wasted my time explaining my thinking - which was centred on everyone's welfare & best interests .... But just to point out that with most foster placements, you wouldn't have any opportunity to "buy"!

So I'm not sure how, to use your favourite sound bite, it's "try before you buy".

It's seeing how your family would cope with fostering, with a child who needs fostering.

Wasting my time typing this, I know.

if they are young enough and undamaged enough then the foster family ( and if your child liked them enough then you) should adopt them rather than them being moved on to another placement

I have, at no point, said anything like that.

I said that if we fostered a child and if the opportunity arose to adopt; I cannot imagine not trying to adopt ..... For their sake. As I said ..... If you read my actual posts - I could not live with them knowing we had the opportunity to adopt them and didn't take it.

If we weren't the "right" adoptive family for them, for very good/major reasons, that would be another issue, but I can't imagine what those reasons might be.

I thought childminding too when I read your first few posts/replies.

Lots of playmates, but not so 24/7 and not the issue of getting the child "for" your DD.

Basically my understanding with fostering is that it needs to be the other way around, you don't need to be motivated to bring a child into your lives, you need to be motivated to provide a home for a vulnerable child. It sounds like a subtle difference but it's really a huge one.

It's my understanding that they tend to recommend a large age gap to your bio/permanent children too. So it wouldn't really be a playmate for your DD as it would likely be a much older child/teenager or they'd want you to wait a couple of years then have babies and toddlers.

It's interesting that you say you'd need to move house and change career for childminding, but you don't think you would to foster? What's the difference/reasoning there in your mind?

Or if you do want another child, why not adopt rather than fostering, or look into foster-to-adopt? It's strange to me to start out with the idea of fostering but then being sure that you would end up adopting the child - this just seems like almost a waste of the training etc as I thought most foster carers look after multiple children whereas if you're fostering with a view to adopting the child, then that bedroom/place is permanently filled and you can't foster any more.

Or sorry if this is a silly question but you're married - why not just go for another biological child if you want another?

I think it was this comment from you that concerned me.

re Training.
Of course there is overlap in training, but fostering is not adoption-lite it is a skilled role in and of itself.
The aim of adoption is permanence within your family, to wave goodbye to social services and to be their parents 'forever'.
The aim of fostering is to provide a safe haven prior to returning to birth family or moving to another form of permanence. The issues are different. Yes there is also long term foster care, but even then there will be regular social worker contact and the arrangement formally ends when the young person is 18/21.

Maybe for you OP you need to think about the early permanence foster-to-adopt. But you would need to discuss during home study how that could impact your DD if the baby ended up returning to the birth family.

I have family members who fostered and then did adopt a very young child

By fostering children first and then adopting a child later, were they also "trying before they bought" ... Or is it only a poster on here (who has explained that they are apprehensive about how their family would cope with either, and that fostering a child who needs a foster home may give them the experience to know how they'd cope) who is "trying before they buy"?

I don’t think think that you are going to take anyone here’s word for it so I can only suggest that you approach an organisation you would like to work with and see what they say. I would suggest reading up a bit first as you quoted a Kids in Kinship scheme in your area this is nothing like regular fostering it is an alternative to foster or residential care, Kinship Care an arrangement where a child can live with a family member or occasionally a close friend and can be informal or formal. So unless you have a child within your family circle who needs a home this is not applicable for you.

If you'd have to move house to childmind, surely you would to foster too?

Fostering is a total career change too.

I think it was this comment from you that concerned me.

Why? Would anyone normal not have empathy and compassion for a child who's going to be adopted, who's been fostered by a family; and who knows - must know - that if their foster family is not being considered for adoption; that it's because they've chosen not to be considered.

I have obviously got no experience whatsoever, but I'd find that hard to live with.
You'd imagine, unless there are major reasons why, that you'd want to be considered to adopt them.

But the OP must be honest with the fostering organisation that a key motivation is their child has requested a sibling.