Why don't young people foster?

[Vineling]

We've been having a discussion in the office today, (I recruit foster carers as my day job) about why it's people who are aged 50 plus who in the main foster. Those who teenagers have flown the nest and gone off to Uni. So my question is why don't younger people consider fostering? instead of perhaps going back to work after a baby or as a career choice? and what can we do to encourage them to consider it? We need people of all ages over 21 with a spare bedroom but it's the younger ones we struggle to reach and encourage to foster.

I have a friend who fosters (she’s 36), but she’s in a very fortunate position to be with her partner who has a significant income and they have plenty of space. She refurbishes antique furniture at home, so she has the time. Definitely the exception to the rule though, I agree with PP, having secure housing in your 20’s and 30’s is nowhere near as common now as it has been previously.

hey OP so are you really one of those that used to get the fostering team jobs that I used to get knocked back for ? It was always a certain "type" who got those jobs and not the workers frazzled in Child Protection ! You seem to either have no common sense, are "at it" or you are needing to up date your training dear fellow professional! So this is how you are recruiting now ? Bloody hell!

I'm early 30's, and have considered fostering on a few occasions. The reasons I am not a foster carer are:

1. I don't have a spare room. With two kids and a husband who WFH we would need a 5 bedroom house. We earn well but realistically won't be able to buy that size of house until we're in our 50's - the pay isn't enough to cover that extra cost plus food, clothes, activities, days out etc

2. Realistically, foster children are being fostered for a reason, many have been exposed to hugely inappropriate things. I'd be concerned about them harming or behaving in an inappropriate way around my children.

3. Another child (biological or fostered) would be a lot of work and not necessarily something I'm looking for at this period in my life - I'm trying to focus on my children and career, which is enough anyway tbh.

Surely a fostering professional can appreciate why a young person/couple can't foster?

My mother is a foster carer, and the lack of support and the liberties taken by her local council (whom she is employed by) are enough to put anyone off. At one point I considered becoming a foster carer, but I'm put off now. The communication and support from the social workers with regards to the 'looked after child' is unacceptable. My mum is constantly out of pocket financially as shes told she will be reimbursed for stuff she has been told to buy and it barely happens, and trying to get respite is an even bigger joke. She hasn't been able to have a holiday or break away in years....and is guilted into thinking the young person wouldn't cope with her absence, yet the social service won't consent for him to go on holiday with my mum either....she just puts up with being given the run around, and ive told her not to. Very frustrating to watch

I was put off ever applying after witnessing how long and invasive the process when a friend applied a few years ago.

Social Work even sent a reference request to her abusive ex DH (father of her grown up kids) and as expected he said some terrible and untrue things about my lovely gentle natured friend. Thankfully Social Work disregarded that info but it was crazy he was ever asked in the first place.

I'm 29 and would absolutely love to foster, always have - if I could do that instead of working I absolutely would but it would need to be financially viable! However my husband isn't in favour of doing it as he is very narrow minded 🙄 i think he forgets not every child in foster is a 'bad' child/ teenager. I think for younger people it would be worthwhile setting out and actually speak to younger people of how fostering would benefit them and the child in foster, and also get speaking as to why they wouldn't want to foster and go from there 😊

@Vineling

I suggest you talk to some of the foster carers you have recruited and see why they think ‘young’people don’t want to do it.

As an adoptive parent and now a foster carer, the idea that all you need is a spare room and some love to adopt or foster really makes my blood boil.

I have a deeply traumatised and very complex 12 year old placed with me. No way would I have him in my home with other children, the idea that someone would foster instead of returning to work after having a baby is quite frankly ridiculous.
@Birdsmakingnests sets out a lot of the reasons why people dont foster.

For obvious reasons of confidentiality I cannot go into specifics, but two weeks ago my 12 year old had a mental breakdown, we had emergency services here as we were both at risk. The incident happened to be witnessed by a senior social worker. I have been raising my concerns about this child for weeks, I am still waiting for help. Time is running out for him, if he doesnt get help soon his future is bleak, the placement will not be sustainable and I will be just another person who has let him down and he will turn into another abuser like his family.
For being ‘ on duty’ 7 days a week, 24 hours a day, to an extremely demanding and challenging child, my hourly rate is less than what my son gets at Tesco.
I can only afford to do it because my mortgage is paid off. I waited till my son was 19 and thankfully off at university because I wouldnt want him to witness what has been going on here over the last month.
Fostering is a demanding, challenging job, its not about saving some poor sad children and sailing off into a rosy glowing sunset where you all live happil ever after.
Of course there are many successful foster placements where the young people have good outcomes, but they are hard won.

@Smurf2023

no child in care is ‘bad’. Their behaviour is a result of the trauma they have experienced

Because the money is appalling and people need to live!
they can’t have a proper job along side as need to be available for training and last minute placements.
also depending on ages of children and their problems you can’t plan to go out last minute unless you have a suitable sitter.
my friends foster company paid for my DBS so I could look after her foster kids in an emergancy or if she wanted to go out. Without me no o e else would have done it!

Agreed. I would not open my home to someone who can easily create that much damage to my own family. Im not going to risk it, and double so for crappy pay that you don’t even get while ‚suspended‘ after a false allegation.

I’m a 37 year old single senior nurse with paediatric experience and three spare bedrooms and would certainly consider it. But I also earn a decent salary doing the job that I already do, and I don’t think I would be allowed to both foster and work my job, so I just don’t think I could make the figures work.

Fostering isn't seen as a proper, stable, career choice. Foster carers aren't employed, paid properly, given annual leave and a pension.
If we (as a country) want more foster carers we need to start valuing and paying them as professionals like teachers, doctors and social workers - instead of it basically being viewed as an altruistic hobby.

Having a spare room is a huge barrier. Of course older people whose children have left home are more likely to have a spare room.
People in their 20s often house share or live in small flats.
People in the 30s and 40s have children in all the bedrooms.

We have talked about both fostering and adopting but we have small children and realistically children in care usually need significant amounts of time which would take away from our own children. The impact on them would be huge. Maybe when they are older we would revisit it!

1. Because so many of these children are badly damaged and have deeply traumatic pasts
2. Because of this they lie and change family dynamics and are very challenging
3. Because mostly you want 'couples' and even if you didn't not many single women (let's be honest, most men wouldn't even consider it) would be prepared to have a strange child who is probably as large and strong, if not larger and stronger, than them in their home. I certainly wouldn't.
4. Because lots of these children have families that are deeply problematic and, let's be very honest it's not unusual for people in your job to accidentally leak details of where children are being fostered (we've all seen the stories on this...)
5. Because people either want, or have, their own children and aren't willing to risk their own child for the sake of someone else's.

I'm sure you know all this though.

Because there are no spare bedrooms in shared houses. The luxury of a spare bedroom is for the older population and even they are now likely to be renting it out to a lodger due to the cost of living.

How can a younger person take on a foster child when they don't usually have the room, the income, the experience of parenting especially with a child whose going to be emotionally fragile? I know two people who've ended up as Kinship carers, the emotional blackmail to take the child was out of this world because it costs far less to place them with family than pay the full rates to a foster carer.

I don't understand why, if you work in this field @Vineling that you don't already know the barriers to fostering?

Putting cheesy feel good photos and saying all you need is a spare room, is not representative of what fostering is about.

Limited life experience including less experience of raising children.

It can be very rewarding fostering but many children have early life experiences which mean they are very challenging and perhaps not the best environment to raise your own young children alongside.

Lack of available bedrooms or room in home?

If you want to see the experiences of a young foster parent in the UK have a look at Precious Star Vlogs. She was a foster carer at 21 I believe -

I’m in my late 30’s and would love to foster. But I have young children of my own who are my priority, so if we do decide to foster is won’t be until my children are older / have left home.

the sad reality is that many foster children come with issues which cause distress in the family home and require a lot of time and support.

also, experience as a parent is so important in these situations. You have to be able to be patient etc. harder when you’re younger yourself with less life experience

Can I just say to anyone that has been placed with foster carers reading my or other reply’s , that these comments are in no way aimed at you. I personally have fallen in love with lots of my foster children, I have done my very best for them and gone above and beyond my duties to get the best outcome. So this is not about you.
it’s about the very broken system that fails children and doesn’t support foster carers.

I wouldn't consider it for anything under £30K plus expenses.

@Vineling to answer your actual question of what can we do to encourage them to consider it?
I'd say firstly provide a guaranteed yearly salary of at least £35k for the foster carer, regardless of whether they have a child in placement or not.
Provide paid annual leave, sick pay and pension for the foster carer.
Provide housing for foster families so that they can have spare rooms. A young family in their 30s with 2 children is likely to be living in a 2-3 bedroom house, they would need to move to a 4-5 bedroom house to foster.

@Vineling I assume you are a social work student trying to get us to write your college assignment for you . Because no one who actually works in social care could be so breathtakingly naive .

Do you honestly think that fostering is a suitable job for someone “coming off maternity leave “ , that is a family with a child of 13 months ? Why don’t you think very hard and see what the issues might be.

Im also a bit confused why you have used a photo from an article in The Times about graduates moving back home, which has nothing to do with fostering .
https://www.thetimes.co.uk/article/granny-moves-over-for-graddy-annexe-nbfwccr6r