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Fostering

Here are some suggested organisations that offer expert advice on fostering.

Original poster

Why don't young people foster?

252 replies

Vineling · 17/10/2023 16:25

We've been having a discussion in the office today, (I recruit foster carers as my day job) about why it's people who are aged 50 plus who in the main foster. Those who teenagers have flown the nest and gone off to Uni. So my question is why don't younger people consider fostering? instead of perhaps going back to work after a baby or as a career choice? and what can we do to encourage them to consider it? We need people of all ages over 21 with a spare bedroom but it's the younger ones we struggle to reach and encourage to foster.

OP posts:
Captainj1 · 17/10/2023 17:01

Aquamarine1029 · 17/10/2023 16:37

Personally, when my children were little, I would never have brought a foster child into our home. Too risky, too many unknowns, and my children's happiness and security were my #1 priority. I would not have wanted to give my attention to a foster child over my own kids.

This

A friend of mine fostered a teenager for a couple of years and the impact it has had on the mental wellbeing of her own DD has been horrendous. She wouldn't do it (until her own DD had left home) if she had her time again.

abcdefghijklmnopqrstuvwxyz12 · 17/10/2023 17:02

Not to mention in MN world anyone younger than late 20s is still considered a child themselves (which I think is a bit ridiculous personally)

PosterBoy · 17/10/2023 17:02

This is such an odd question where the answers are self-evident.

Nowadays there's more of a move towards private children's homes with a team of foster carers - maybe try that if you want to recruit younger people.

Deadringer · 17/10/2023 17:02

Honestly I have begun to wonder why anyone fosters. People who own their home, have a spare room, can afford to leave work or do quite reduced hours, have room in their head and their hearts for children who are not 'their problem' are surely becoming vanishingly rare. When I think back to when I had my first baby, or even my last, no way would I have had the mental or physical energy to take on more children, especially ones that are likely to be suffering trauma of some sort. Its only when my dc were a little older that I felt equipped to foster, and if i was advising potential carers, I would recommend to them that their own dc should be 10+.

sqirrelfriends · 17/10/2023 17:02

I would love to foster, I think every child deserves a safe and loving home. However I would never with my own young children at home.

I won’t go into specifics but I’ve heard stories from a family member who worked in children’s services and I would be fearful of any potential harm.

Maybe once I’m older and have more time…

deadrave · 17/10/2023 17:02

Financial implications of not working full time… spare bedroom…
I imagine on the whole only people who are older with grown up kids can afford it and have the space / time.

Paramummy3 · 17/10/2023 17:04

The pay for fostering wouldn’t remotely match my current pay, that’s the downfall for us

ironingboardantifreeze · 17/10/2023 17:05

‘Young person’ here (27). I would love to foster and have a good understanding of what’s involved due to my job and life circumstances.

My main issue is financial: I’m in a shared flat and about 40% of my income is spent on my rent and bills (and that’s lucky!) I earn decently well for my age but will be renting for a long long time. I may never choose to buy and just travel or move around instead. Also my job (care sector) will likely never earn me mega bucks, which I’m fine with.

I think young people could bring a lot to a foster child’s life, especially an older child or even a teenager, but sadly it’s just not an option. Plus people don’t have truly spare bedrooms anymore as many kids come home from uni for holidays and live at home after graduation.

My friends and I are all about 3 months away from being broke and needing to move back in to mum and dad at any time!

CaptainBarnaclesandthevegemals · 17/10/2023 17:06

I absolutely wouldn’t consider fostering while my own children were still children. I see the dynamic between a foster parent and a parent as being really quite different and I don’t think it would be good for either my children or a foster child to combine those two dynamics. Before I had my own children I was not really in a financial position to consider fostering. I feel like you would need either your own house or a very secure (eg counsel) rental. More so than if you have a child of your own.
I would perhaps consider fostering when I children have flown the nest - I think I’d be quite good at it actually. I see it a bit like nannying or teaching. You’re a trusted adult who is there for the child when they need you, and responsible for them during that time, but you still respect the fact you are not their parent and the goal is for them is either to have a safe stable home with their birth family, and if, and only if that’s not possible, with an adoptive family, or with older children perhaps the realistic goal is for them to be safe and cared for in a foster home until they are ready to be independent.

Krustykrabpizza · 17/10/2023 17:06

I do think the answer is pretty obvious.

Pre children we were working full time and renting. Post children we don't have a spare room, the time, or the energy.

SweetPetrichor · 17/10/2023 17:07

As a young person I’m building my career, establishing security, building up savings. I don’t particularly want to deal with kids of my own never mind taking on a foster child who is likely to need more support. I don’t feel like I could offer the parenting requirements needed to foster without having gone through parenting first! Which is why, I assume, most are the ‘empty nest’ fostered in older years.

IkaBaar · 17/10/2023 17:08

Surely more women having to work to pay the bills is a factor. Also in theory we have a spare bedroom, but actually it’s used as a home office, which presumably has become much more common since COVID. My parents and their friends tend to have much bigger houses than us and my friends. We also have no local family support and fostering is hard work!

OhDoSitDownAndShutUp · 17/10/2023 17:10

The reason it's usually older people who foster -

They've had or got their own children
They've sometimes got grandchildren
Have their own home
Have more time
Are financially more secure

Young people haven't got the life experience and skills to deal with kids from broken/abusive/neglectful backgrounds. I was 22 when I had my first child. I certainly would not have been mature enough to cope with a foster child (It was hard enough to cope with my own baby at that age)

Allmyfavouritepeople · 17/10/2023 17:10

I fostered as a youngish couple in our early 30s but gave it up as me and OH broke up. I'd go back to it in my 40s+ but not now and I certainly wouldn't do it with my own young children.

Main thing that is a barrier for me is the lack of stable income. Ideally you need to be established on benefits or have a well off OH that can support the household when you have no children placed with you. I had children go back to their original foster carers on Halloween and didn't have any more children placed with us until just before Christmas. That was a long period to be without income. And I'd not make the mistake of accepting children just before Christmas again. Beggars belief that these children are without their teachers, social worker, and usual family visits for two weeks over Christmas. Where's the consistency and stability for them?

Speckson · 17/10/2023 17:10

I know someone - a single mother - who fostered children from her mid-thirties. She was a foster child herself and wanted other children to have the care she had as a child.

burntoutnurse · 17/10/2023 17:12

I've considered it, but no room atm (though I'm 41, so not young!)

I would love to do mother and baby fostering when my boys have grown and moved out though

Strawberrycheesecake7 · 17/10/2023 17:13

I don’t know the reasons for everyone but I can tell you my own. I’m 25 and me and DH have decided fostering is something we’d love to do in the future. The reason we don’t now is we live in quite a small three bedroom house (two bedrooms and a box room). We have a young baby and hope to have another in a couple of years, so that won’t leave a spare bedroom. We are saving for a larger house in the future so hopefully will be fostering at some point, but it won’t be until we’re quite a bit older unfortunately.

SouthCoastBunny · 17/10/2023 17:14

I've always wanted to foster but I can't afford a property big enough. I don't own my own home and renting a larger property isn't an option.

DivingForLove · 17/10/2023 17:14

I was living the life of riley in my 20s/early 30s. No way would I have wanted to foster. Now I’ve worked in that sphere for many years and I’m not sure I’d have the energy for it - as you know fostering is about so much more than a spare room!

Deadringer · 17/10/2023 17:14

Actually rereading your op I think you are incredibly naive for someone who recruits foster carers, or you are being disingenuous here. The idea that someone with a young baby would take strange children or teenagers into their home rather than return to work is actually ludicrous.

soundsys · 17/10/2023 17:15

We seriously looked into it pre-kids: in our late 20s with a stable home and a spare bedroom. Our local council wanted one SAHP and we couldn't afford to pay our mortgage on one salary so that was that.

And now we have our own kids so realistically probably will be when they've left for Uni (which is when we'll have a spare bedroom again)

ActDottie · 17/10/2023 17:17

Because most young people don’t have a spare bedroom.

ActDottie · 17/10/2023 17:18

Deadringer · 17/10/2023 17:14

Actually rereading your op I think you are incredibly naive for someone who recruits foster carers, or you are being disingenuous here. The idea that someone with a young baby would take strange children or teenagers into their home rather than return to work is actually ludicrous.

Agree with the naivety

Rainbowshine · 17/10/2023 17:20

I think at that point in life you would have more success with trying to recruit mentors/role models and youth workers. The demographic data shows that people leave many aspects of life until later than the generation before them, so looking at the average age of getting married, having children and securing your own home for a 20 year old is now at least 10 years later than someone in their 50s.

MinxJinx · 17/10/2023 17:22

So my question is why don't younger people consider fostering? instead of perhaps going back to work after a baby

Sorry, I can’t quite get over this sentence.

You wonder why young parents who have just had their first child (which no matter how prepared is usually a baptism of fire) don’t foster instead of returning to work?

There is the fact that a good new parent wouldn’t want to divert attention, time or money away from a very young child on to an unrelated one, or that there are risks in bringing a traumatised older child into the home.

I’d worry about the decision making abilities of anyone who thought that was a good idea.