Anyone elses DH go quiet on them while they're away??

[Mercy2]

My hubby, is a fantastic, loving man and an
amazing father! when he's at home!

He's been away an aful lot training with the
BRF unit to deploy to Afghan in March.

He's great when he's here, but when he goes
away he goes ages without texting or
calling.
The last few weeks he's been away and has
most evenings and weekends free.
He just doesn't call.
he never asks how me and his son are, and
when i ask him why? he says he doesn't know!
This time, its been 13days since he last
called, and he's switched off his mobile.
His friend's wife said he was actually sat with her DH when they were talking on the
phone but said he wasn't gonna call.
GGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

When he comes home in 2 weeks, he'll expect
me to just slip back into our normal life.
Its driving me insane. I keep bursting into
tears. I know its so hard for him, and he
works so hard. But I wish he would make the
most of the chances to talk to us before he
goes away for 7 months.

I'm so angry with him but dont want to spend
our last weeks before he goes away by
argueing.

Any advice from wise ladies welcome

X X X X X X X

I may have it wrong but it sounds like he is telling you how important your relationship is to him. If the problem is really only when he is away, then by changing careers to one where he can come home every night is certainly a potential solution.

On the practical side, it isn't a great time to be looking for a job, so the move to civvi street will take a lot of careful planning and preparation. Sounds like it might be worth it, though. How do you feel about the idea?

He seems to have thought it through, he has been looking at MPGS, doing guard duty on army camps.
you get your existing army benifits, ie pension, quarter etc, but its 4days on 4 days off. and guaranteed to be no overnight courses or training etc!

he admitted on the phone last night that he shuts himself off from us as he finds his job too hard if he is thinking of us all the time. I just wish he'd have explained that before he ignored me for a month! then i would've been far more understanding when he came home.

He is genuienly dreading Afghan, which is understandable after the horrors he saw during his last tour. and i think being in the BRF unit is scaring him slightly too.

i want to tell him that i think he should leave the army, but i want it to be totally his decision if he does.

I REALLY want to thank you for talking this whole thing through with me, you'e been a real star!!!!

M x x x x

Thank you for your message Mercy - I am so pleased you look like you're heading for a happy ending!

I can see you don't want to tell your DH what you think he should do, but it sounds like he is pretty close to reaching the same conclusion. So long as you both want what's best for your relationship and your family, I'm sure you will get it.

I hope Afghanistan isn't too hard on either of you this time around. I'll be looking out for you on mumsnet while he's away. Good luck with it all.