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Forces sweethearts

If you have a family member in the Royal Navy, RAF or army, find support from other Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

leaving my 10mo ds for 4 months tomorrow. Feeling like shit.

142 replies

gemmummy · 05/07/2008 20:40

hi all, i suppose I'm just after some positive vibes. Feeling very very low tonight, wondering how I'll cope and more to the point how my beautiful precious funny gorgeous boy will cope.

OP posts:
MakemineaGandT · 05/07/2008 20:43

oh no - you poor thing. I feel for you. It will be very hard, but mainly for you - your DS will cope just fine I'm sure

Where are you off to?

Original poster
gemmummy · 05/07/2008 20:45

the falkland islands. at least i won't get shot at. always look on the b right side and all that.

OP posts:
nell12 · 05/07/2008 20:46

He will be fine! It will be much harder on you. Have you recorded some stories on to cassette (or such like) so that DS can have you read him to sleep every night?
Make sure that whomever looks after ds takes lots of photos!

MakemineaGandT · 05/07/2008 20:47

nell - the story idea is great - good thinking

nell12 · 05/07/2008 20:47

Oh and make sure you bring back ds a cuddly penguin (it's the law, don't you know!)

Frizbe · 05/07/2008 20:47

{{{Hugs}}} Very hard job your doing.

Sidge · 05/07/2008 20:47

Oh that must be tough

Have you got a webcam at home? I believe they have them out there so if it's set up at home too you can see him.

Hope it goes quickly for you.

Original poster
gemmummy · 05/07/2008 20:48

my ds and mil are in charge. i'm gonna miss his first birthday. feel full of self pity tonight....must get some perspective.

OP posts:
Original poster
gemmummy · 05/07/2008 20:49

ha i meant dh! probably right first time lol.

OP posts:
MakemineaGandT · 05/07/2008 20:49

gemmummy - make sure whoever is looking after him does lots of videoing so you can see him change and grow

nell12 · 05/07/2008 20:49

DH made a tape for ds when he did a 7 month global deployment, leaving when ds was 5 months old. It was fab and ds loved listening to it, even when dh got back.
12 years later, dd (3)still listens to the same tape once in a while

Original poster
gemmummy · 05/07/2008 20:50

i don't have a cassette player. would a dvd of me freak him out? i could video me?

OP posts:
2point4kids · 05/07/2008 20:53

Video him a birthday message to play to him on his birthday. Bet he'd love that!
Then your DH can video him opening his presents and watching your message.

Make sure he's got a photo of you in his bedroom to kiss goodnight each evening while you're away too

PhDlifeNeedsaNewLife · 05/07/2008 20:53

{{hugs}} for you gemmummy, my hat is off to you!

hashim · 05/07/2008 20:55

Oh my goodness. You are leaving your DS for 4 months? You poor poor thing. Do you have to? If it is completely necessary, you must have a web cam/skype. i cannot imagine leaving my dd even for one night!

Original poster
gemmummy · 05/07/2008 20:58

yeah thanks hashim. lucky for you. my job is not 9 to 5 and i need to work. i need the money.

OP posts:
Original poster
gemmummy · 05/07/2008 20:58

i'm sorry, just realised how awful that sounds.

OP posts:
2point4kids · 05/07/2008 21:00

That was a bit tactless Hashim

PhDlifeNeedsaNewLife · 05/07/2008 21:03

Hashim, want some sauce to go on that foot?

PhDlifeNeedsaNewLife · 05/07/2008 21:08

gemmummy, can you order one of shop.babyworld.co.uk/DisplayDetail.aspx?prodid=800 these or something similar, for your mil to fill with photos of you? My ds loves looking at pix of all our family who are o/s. (well, actually we are the ones o/s). if it's a soft album it can be "his", always available iykwim.

Original poster
gemmummy · 05/07/2008 21:11

hey i really like that. he can take it everywhere with him. will invest!

OP posts:
mananny · 05/07/2008 21:12

(((hugs)))) gemmummy. I nannied for an army family when both parents were deployed for weeks/months at a time. It was harder on the parents for sure. The kids missed mummy and daddy a lot but every day life kept them busy. I gave them lots of love and hugs and gave them opportunities each day to write an e-bluey, crayon a picture to send etc. The time went pretty quickly. The huge smiles on the kids faces when their parents walked back in the door were priceless and I used to have to shut myself in the bathroom for a good wail afterwards.

FWIW I think you should hold your head high and know that what you are choosing to do for your family is your own business, and that any decision you make for your family's best interest IS the RIGHT one, no matter what other people might say. Life in the military isn't easy, but you're doing an honourable job and your baby will grow up to be so proud of you. Yes he'll miss you, and you'll miss him. Love doesn't have to be sat right next to you to be felt though.

Good luck xxx

Original poster
gemmummy · 05/07/2008 21:13

mananny, thank you. thanks all of you. that's just what i need to hear xxxxx

OP posts:
mananny · 05/07/2008 21:17

I used to send the parents a weekly parcel with some photos and a newsletter of what we'd all been up to that week. Maybe your dh and MIL can do the same thing? That way you feel "included" in things even when you're not physically there? And if you want any terrible US gossip mags sent out please CAT me, I'd be happy to send some!

mum2jakeyroo · 05/07/2008 21:18

Are you off to JCUFI. I feel for you I really do but like others say leave a photograph for him. Make sure you use some sort of webcam and keep in touch. It will probably bother you more than him. Make sure you take lots of woolies - it'l be cold my dp says.