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Forces sweethearts

If you have a family member in the Royal Navy, RAF or army, find support from other Mumsnetters here.

leaving my 10mo ds for 4 months tomorrow. Feeling like shit.

142 replies

gemmummy · 05/07/2008 20:40

hi all, i suppose I'm just after some positive vibes. Feeling very very low tonight, wondering how I'll cope and more to the point how my beautiful precious funny gorgeous boy will cope.

OP posts:
PhDlifeNeedsaNewLife · 05/07/2008 21:18
Smile
hf128219 · 05/07/2008 21:19

Good luck! Do a great job out there and your DS will be so proud of you - as we all are.

gemmummy · 05/07/2008 21:20

hi mum2...i'll be in air traffic. i've been there before, but a long time ago when i was a single girl with no ties.

OP posts:
sqiushysquashy · 05/07/2008 21:23

I'm proud of you and I think the whole bloody country should be as well, you do a job that the majority of people are not brave enough to do.

I hope the time passes quickly for you and your son, just think of his face when you come home!

I wish you all the best

gemmummy · 05/07/2008 21:24

it's funny, he's only just starting to be mobile now...he could be walking when i get home.. that would be amazing, to see him toddling when he picks me up at brize in november!

OP posts:
onepieceoflollipop · 05/07/2008 21:27

Just sending you good wishes. You do a hard job.

mum2jakeyroo · 05/07/2008 21:27

My dp (b4 I met him) was royal signals and went for 6 months - he loved it but like you was single at the time. Just keep smiling. I know you don't want to miss his 1st birthday - can you not do something to celebrate when you get back. Ds will never know I promise.

gemmummy · 05/07/2008 21:28

lovely mnetters you've been a great help tonight. time for me to go to bed now, see you all in a few months xxx

OP posts:
mananny · 05/07/2008 21:33

Good luck and keep smiling (unless you don't want wrinkles LOL) xxxx

herbietea · 05/07/2008 23:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn

Nixz · 05/07/2008 23:25

Herbietea - just what I was thinking!!
Great idea!
Gemmummy - get off mumsnet and go and be with DH aswell xxx

You are very brave, you really are! Im sure you dont feel it right now. Im not in the forces but DH is and left DD for the 1st time when she was 6wks to go to N.Ireland, then macedonia, afghan, iraq...

DD was 2 1/2 when he stopped being deployed as often and she never ever acted strange with him. She instinctively knew who he was and 'picked up where she left off'

Good luck girl, keep in touch if you can
xx

littlelapin · 05/07/2008 23:53

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

kerryk · 08/07/2008 15:18

hope you arrived safe gemmummy

my own dd started walking when dh was in bosnia, i can still remember her wobblimg over to him (she is 6 now).

its a shame that you are missing his birthday but lets face it he will be more interested in the wrapping paper than anything else!!!

SammyC · 08/07/2008 16:35

Hi Gem Mummy, just wanted to send you my best and to poss suggest Oh and MIL get one of those photo picture frames and put together some photos of you and the family for the wee one to watch its like a slide show so he can watch u all day!

As for you I am sure the comms will be fine to be kept up to date, I guess my OH keeps himself very busy when away, we did the skype thing x

Be proud and keep positive x

SammyC · 08/07/2008 16:36

Hashim, great helpful response.........not

kerryk · 08/07/2008 17:10

i actually laughed when i read hashims post, some people really have no idea.

sharklet · 15/07/2008 16:38

DH read lots of short stories and recorded them on our digital camera (which has a video clip bit) he did about 12 stories and we'd play one or two each night. DD adored it and still asks to see them now years later.

I have to go away for my work too sometimes and i do the same as well - she loves it. There are a few tears but mainly life keeps them busy. I do think its harder for the parent especially when they're that young.

We're coming down to the Falklands for a holiday (wierd as it sounds) on the way to the Antarctic for a cruise. Found we can get flights through the military for £50 each - so why not - always wanted to see the antactic. Will give you a wave!

gemmummy · 31/07/2008 02:28

hi all,

just wanted to update you, i've been here 3 weeks now, and my ds started crawling about a week after i got here! typical! my dh has sent me a brilliant dvd of ds and all his antics which is fabulous. appparantly ds is fine, miss him like mad though but i'm coping. hope you're all well xxx

OP posts:
mananny · 31/07/2008 02:48

Glad to hear all is well, and that your DH did a dvd for you - what a great idea! I'm sure time will fly by and before you know it DS will be back in your arms and no doubt be a bit heavier but thats only cos his heart has grown 3 times larger while you were away. Keep smiling and doing a fab job xxx

SammyC · 31/07/2008 07:19

Hay Chick, great to get an update and how fab you got a DVD, at least you can watch your ds anytime you like! I hope the time flies for you x Big proud hugs x

Have you got dates for R&R at all? Hope so x

littlelapin · 31/07/2008 07:23

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

yelnats · 31/07/2008 07:51

Your post makes me so sad. I am sat here crying at the thought of leaving my dd's for 4 months - esp for a career or for money! Surely its not as important as missing 4 months of your very young childs life - they change soooooo much at this age and you will be missing out on all that. I cant imagine missing first steps, first teeth etc. Surely there must be another way?

Notyummy · 31/07/2008 08:12

yelnats, I know what you are trying to say, but sometimes that is just the way it is. If you are in the military, there is 'no other way'....yes you could choose to leave, but you will not be allowed to leave straight away, so the likelihood is that you will still go away on the 4 month or 6 month tour you have been dreading. Add into the mix the fact your wages might be what is keeping the family afloat, and your accommodation is owned by the military, and you can see how complex it is.

In addition....SOMEONE has to be strong enough to do these things for our country, and quite often that someone has kids. Traditionally that has been a man, but as woman have fought for equality, they have been offered a more equal role in the Armed Forces; unfortunately with rights come responsibilities, like time away from family.

gemmummy won't be making a fortune. She is not a city trader flying to South America for 4 months to persue loads of money or a big career move. At this point in time there probably is 'no other way'.

Good luck gemmummy. Hope you come back all fit and toned from the time you get in the gym there if nothing else!

One of the female fighter navs down there at the mo was trained by me when I worked Cranwell...give her my best if you see her!

FourArms · 31/07/2008 08:20

Yelnats - posts like that really aren't helpful to the OP. It is very common in the Forces for a parent to go away for 4 months, 6 months or even longer Usually it is the father, but in this case it is the mother. It doesn't mean that she is doing anything wrong. Her DS will be well looked after by his DF and DGM, and won't even remember this when he gets older. The OP will definitely be the one who suffers the most.

lou031205 · 31/07/2008 08:25

Hi Gemmummy, just saw this, although a bit late. I just wanted to share my experience to encourage you.

My Dad worked overseas as a welding inspector/supervisor, and he used to go abroad for 3 months at a time and come home for 3 weeks. He went out both before and after I was born, and finally stopped going abroad when I was 8.

My memories of my early childhood do not include being 'abandoned' by my Dad, or desperate times of missing him. In fact I only have four memories of that time regarding his working abroad:

  1. Eating in an airport cafe prior to his departure.
  2. Waving him off on a train as he went to catch his flight.
  3. Cooking a meal to celebrate him coming home (I was about 8, as it was the last time he had gone abroad. I cooked Mousakka, with a blackberry crumble, and put candles on the table. My mum was defrosting the freezer in the kitchen, so I'm sure she helped!)
  4. The absolute shock of walking alongside the swimming pool building at primary school, on sports day, and ahead in the glinting sun, seeing a man that looked a bit like my Dad, only to realise as I got closer that it was my Dad! He had insisted on getting an alternative flight route home from Cairo, and flew via amsterdam instead to make sure he could make my sports day.

I tell you now, what will make this time bearable is demonstrating to your son that you love him SO much when you are with him. He WILL forget the rest. I really don't remember my Dad being absent, yet I know that he was for most of my young life. And we are really close now. He and Mum visit every day to see my two DDs, and we speak on the phone at least daily.

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