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Forces sweethearts

If you have a family member in the Royal Navy, RAF or army, find support from other Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

Boyfriend in RAF and pregnant

35 replies

Marrie22 · 02/01/2017 12:52

Hi I'm just wondering if someone could help me and answer a few questions... I've recently found out I'm pregnant and my partner is in the RAF as a reserve.. when I told him I was pregnant he wasn't to impressed and started to say he would have to leave the RAF cause they've told him he's not aload to have a child because he's doing a specialist position and he's training to be a pilot and he's trying to tell me that for him to complete his training I'll have to get an abortion (which I don't want) or they will remove him from training... so if we go ahead with this pregnancy he will have to wait 22 months before he could go back in to the RAF but he'd be to old to complete his training... I don't really believe what he's saying as I always thought the RAF support families..

OP posts:
SquedgieBeckenheim · 02/01/2017 12:59

DH is in the RAF and doesn't believe that. However he's not a pilot and never been through that training.
It doesn't sound right to me, sounds like discrimination if it's true.

Idefix · 02/01/2017 13:00

Sorry but this sounds like bullshit op Angry he sounds like a real charmer.
i have never heard of anything like this and yes the services do generally support the families of service personnel. Recently there has been a change to the need to be married to be entitled to housing (this may only be certain services and full time).

User543212345 · 02/01/2017 13:03

This is utter bullshit. Run like the wind.

EngTech · 02/01/2017 13:05

One word - Rubbish to what he has said

VivienneWestwoodsKnickers · 02/01/2017 13:06

He's telling you a load of crap I'm afraid. The military would never say that, and it would not be legal for them to do so.

This man is a liar. Are you sure he's in the RAF at all?

Hope you're OK.

User543212345 · 02/01/2017 13:07

In fact I doubt he's even in the RAF at all - it all sounds too far fetched for words. The RAF training someone in the reserves (which is basically cadets for grown ups) to be a specialist pilot? I call Walter Mitty.

pullingmyhairout1 · 02/01/2017 13:07

Complete bull.

TheFairyCaravan · 02/01/2017 13:07

He's lying to you. I'm so sorry.

Sidge · 02/01/2017 13:07

It's bollocks.

He's a reservist, not full service so they can make even less stipulations about his private life than they could if he was serving fully!

And as far as I'm aware they don't train reservists as flying aircrew...

Original poster
Marrie22 · 02/01/2017 13:08

We've been together for 4 years and I've supported him through everything he's wanted to do and now he's saying I'm taking it all away from him because I want to keep our baby... i feel like he's just using it as an excuse because he's not ready to step up and I know how much the RAF means to him...

OP posts:
TheFairyCaravan · 02/01/2017 13:08

The RAF training someone in the reserves (which is basically cadets for grown ups) to be a specialist pilot? I call Walter Mitty.

So do I

ICanCountToOneHundred · 02/01/2017 13:09

I am ex RAF this is bullshit. Reserves are not trained as pilots or is he looking at joining full time?

Sidge · 02/01/2017 13:09

What's his regular job?

Reservist commitment is only a couple of weeks a year. As the others have said its basically spare-time military, not a 'proper job'.

MyBreadIsEggy · 02/01/2017 13:10

Bullshit.
He is lying to you through his teeth.
My DH is in the RAF, he works in a specialist trade and we have two very young children.
And as others have said, if he even is a reservist, there's no way the RAF would shell out the hundreds of thousands of pounds it costs to train a pilot on a reservist Hmm

ArthurShappey · 02/01/2017 13:10

Sounds well dodgy to me. Do they RAF even train reservists to be pilots, it's extremely expensive to train a pilot I would have thought that they'd only train their full time RAF airmen instead. But I don't know the RAF. If they're anything like the army his pay will likely be docked to provide you with financial support for the baby if you are to split, which sounds likely based on your OP. But did not feel pressured into an abortion unless it is what you want. Also be prepared you may end up having to do this alone. Do you have good family support.

TheFairyCaravan · 02/01/2017 13:11

I've just read your post to my DH who is in the RAF, he's done 30 years so far, he's scoffing and chuntering.

This bloke is bullshitting you into getting an abortion.

Original poster
Marrie22 · 02/01/2017 13:12

He's looking to join full time and he's got all of his uniform at home and so on and I've been to the base he's at so I knows he's definitely in the RAF I just don't believe what he's saying to me... he showed me an email saying that he can apply for some kind of pilot training not 100% sure what it said

OP posts:
TheFairyCaravan · 02/01/2017 13:18

RAF personnel can have children, we have 2 plus DH has DSS.

RAF pilots can have children. My friend has 3.

He's manipulating you. He's a complete liar. Children do not stop you joining, or being in, the armed forces in any way shap or form.

ImYourMama · 02/01/2017 13:29

If you want this baby - you have this baby, but be prepared to do it alone as it sounds like he's lying through his teeth to manipulate you.

Also, the whole 'pilot training scheme' sounds like hogwash, I wouldn't be surprised if he's bought the uniform on eBay or similar and it's all a pack of lies.

Hope you're ok OP x

glamorousgrandmother · 02/01/2017 13:38

Another one here saying that isn't true. My SiL used to be in the RAF, there is no such rule.

CharleyDavidson · 02/01/2017 13:50

Even women in the RAF can have children, there's a whole section on the RAF website dealing with maternity benefits for them. So you partner is talking absolute rubbish, I'm afraid.

FoxesSitOnBoxes · 02/01/2017 13:52

Absolute bullshit. What a horrible lie Flowers OP, he's a dick.

Genvonklinkerhoffen · 02/01/2017 13:55

If he's a reservist, it pretty much takes the prime minister to make any compulsory demands on him. Even then he's lying about the children thing. Goodness me. The armed forces can be a great place to have and bring up children.

Op I worry for you and your unborn child. I'm not sure how you should approach this though. I'm army and I'd advise you to get in touch with his unit Padre or welfare officer.

Hopef one one the knowledgeable sky people Wink on the thread can help you with where to go from here.

scaryteacher · 04/01/2017 07:22

He is lying. My dh was in a very specialist job in the RN when I got pregnant, and he didn't have to resign his commission.

What is his normal job, as a reservist isn't a full time job?

dementedma · 04/01/2017 07:27

Agree he's lying. He's a reserve, not an Air Marshall.
Sorry Op.

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