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Forces sweethearts

If you have a family member in the Royal Navy, RAF or army, find support from other Mumsnetters here.

Original poster

The military shouldn't have children

103 replies

scaryteacher · 16/03/2011 22:26

...current boarding thread on AIBU - someone has just suggested that the military shouldn't have kids. Come and help!

OP posts:
perarduaadinfinitum · 19/03/2011 18:30

(I expect you're grateful for that (different circles) Scary!ShockGrin)

Sorry about that, couldn't resist falling to MrsChips' level. Cat's bum face to myself....

goodbyemrschips · 19/03/2011 18:36

Yes we do live in different circles, you are of course involved in the military and think everything revolves around that.

I obviously don't.

People I have come across in my life that are involved in the military are very insular to the life style and sometimes struggle when out in ''the real world''

with housing
work
etc

WingDad · 19/03/2011 18:42

The military isn't a job, MrsChips, it's a lifestyle.

goodbyemrschips · 19/03/2011 18:47

Thats exactly what I mean but to other people the world does not revolve around it.

That is why some struggle when they leave can't cope with the change in lifestyle.

swingingcat · 19/03/2011 19:01

I think of military as a vocation, similar to teaching.

OfflineFor30Seconds · 19/03/2011 19:28

GoodbyeMrsChips, before I met DH I had never had any interaction with the military; I had my own house, my own career and my own friends, I didn't understand how the military works or how the lifestyle is outside the parameters of normal life.

However, I would never have presumed that I knew better than those actually living within the system on how they should conduct their lives.

Now that I am part of that system, I can see how foolish it is for anyone who does not have direct involvement with it to criticise those within it. You simply have no idea of the fortitude and effort that is required to keep a family from breaking down; and whatever action that family takes to keep itself together, is their decision, not yours to pass judgement on.

I think you should back off, and keep your unworldly opinions to yourself frankly.

goodbyemrschips · 19/03/2011 19:31

but this is exactly my point you all think you have it so hard and bad and expect everyone to pat you on the back.

Quite frankly I am fed up with reading about it on here.

OfflineFor30Seconds · 19/03/2011 19:49

I haven't seen anyone ask for sympathy, just empathy.

goodbyemrschips · 19/03/2011 19:57

Where did I say sympathy?

I said a ''pat on the back''

or in other words a ''well done you''

OfflineFor30Seconds · 19/03/2011 20:20

Sorry, it was ambiguous and I obviously took the wrong meaning.

I don't think anyone is looking for a "well done", we'd just like you to try and see that sometimes we live under circumstances that you can't and won't understand, so please don't judge the decisions that we might make.

Original poster
scaryteacher · 19/03/2011 20:24

'People I have come across in my life that are involved in the military are very insular to the life style and sometimes struggle when out in ''the real world''

with housing
work
etc'

Well having worked for Plymouth City Council for 10 years and then teaching in civilian schools, I'd evidently have no experience of the real world. The fact we have always owned our own home in the real world obviously doesn't count either.

You make military people sound like care in the community patients, whereas I'd say some of those I met when working for PCC were less engaged with what you might term 'the real world' than the sharp, switched on military people I know.

You can't be very 'insular to the lifestyle'; do you mean they are 'insular' (been to parts of Cornwall lately?), or they are immersed in their lifestyle, both of which are applicable to those not in the military.

I don't think everything revolves around the military, my point was that Plymouth and the surrounding area has been and still is dependent upon defence and the related industries, employment, supply chain, incomes, to notice a big difference when it goes. I have lived in the West Country for long enough to realise that and see the rise in HB/CCB claims when people were laid off in the yard. Why do you think other areas that are facing defence closures were so aghast at the prospect?

OP posts:
Original poster
scaryteacher · 19/03/2011 20:25

This is the Forces bit of the forum where we come for a moan at times. If you don't like it, why come thiss part. As you said earlier' if you can't stand the heat....'

OP posts:
goodbyemrschips · 19/03/2011 20:30

You started the thread

with ''come and help''

Bless I thought.

The friends and family I have in Plymouth DO NOT rely on the defence.

jcscot · 19/03/2011 21:15

"Bless I thought."

Patronising and ignorant. Quite the combination.

Original poster
scaryteacher · 19/03/2011 21:35

Mine do, so there you go. I assume your family does not make up the entire working population of Plymouth?

OP posts:
goodbyemrschips · 20/03/2011 12:17

ha ha no of course not, but as yours do as said above you have a blinkered point of view.

My family as we were discussing this morning have no more interest in the military or the chaos at Plymouth argyle but if you are involved in this of course you would be horrified.

I had friends who lost their jobs working for Toshiba but they pick themselves up and get on with it, they all have new jobs now.

I suppose it is which way you look at your glass ''half full or half empty''

In the industry that you work in no matter what is, is not important to everybody.

Original poster
scaryteacher · 20/03/2011 13:03

Pot, kettle on the blinkered side methinks.

Defence is a concern for everyone, as you'd miss it if it wasn't there; it's one of those things that you can't 'buy in' or privatise, once those skills are gone, they are gone for good, and Defence of the Realm is one of the first duties of the Government.

OP posts:
vintageteacups · 20/03/2011 13:07

People I have come across in my life that are involved in the military are very insular to the life style and sometimes struggle when out in ''the real world''

with housing
work
etc

With all that forces dependents have to go through when spouses are away on op tour, throws those who stay behind in at the deep end, therefore making them quite able to look after themselves and their children.

Struggling in the real world is what we're very well equipped for. I can cope with and have experienced far more during my 13 years supporting DH than any of my civilian friends and family. They all, without hesitation, have told me they couldn't do what I do (in terms of being separated all week, every week from DH when he's weekly commuting in this country) or for a full 6/7 months when he's on deployment overseas.

I sort out everything; the car, the mortgage, the bins, the kids, the illnesses etc - all of it, without expecting a pat on the back, when a civilian spouse would have the help/support of a partner in much of the above.

mrschips you have a very unfair opinion of forces spouses/personnel.

vintageteacups · 20/03/2011 13:09

'in the real world' - our chilren go to civvie schools, we buy food from civvie shops, we have civvie jobs and we don't get military health care, as our spouses do - so every part of our every day lives are spent in civvie street - unless we physically living on camp, behind the wire.......and amzingly, they do let us out from time to time (if we're goodWink).

Original poster
scaryteacher · 20/03/2011 14:03

...and that will include the washing machine, the car and the boiler all dying at the same time, just as the boat dives, as they always go wrong in threes!

OP posts:
jcscot · 20/03/2011 14:06

We had the microwave, the washing machine and the car all die on us within three weeks of my husband departing on tour.

I had "broken down" 48hrs before he left, so we were all in clip order!

jcscot · 20/03/2011 14:08

I'm going to echo vintage and say that my few civvy friends all say that they couldn't cope with being married to someone in the Forces.

I live in the "real" world and have little day to day contact with the military - I have also lived behind the wire and can cope equally with both situations. I do know of some people who have found it hard to adjust to civvy life after leaving the Forces, but the majority just crack on with whatever life throws at them.

mumof2girls2boys · 22/03/2011 17:01

Have to laugh at how MrsChips wants to be everywhere she isn't wanted Grin

Nice to see this is where the commune ran to :)

Was talking in the playground at DS school today, he is the only military kids there, a friend was complaining about how her DH was going to be away overnight. Oh dear she didn't think she would be able to cope without him on her own with the 1 DD. She did then turn and ask if my DS could go play next week, when DH was back. I nearly replied oh no can't possibly go out next week DH is in Germany all week (his unit is split between the UK and Germany so he spends a week here week there) so will probably be sat in A & E with one child, still not have my drains fixed, so still have sewage coming up through the floor, oh and something is bound to break. But bit my tongue and said oh maybe shouldn't be a problem just not on Tuesday as its beaver night and I am helper and not on Wednesday its swimming night and Monday night is parents evening :) ho hum life goes on

vintageteacups · 22/03/2011 17:46

Love it mumof2 - would liked to have seen her face if you had said that though Wink

Wifey1 · 02/04/2011 18:42

MrsChips confuses me. Does she want to be a scary teacher?

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