What to feed fussy family over Xmas?

[FussyGits]

Family members are visiting over Christmas.

No dairy as one member has an allergy.

No roast as they will have at least two, if not three over the festive period. No post Christmas curry type meal as they do version they like and we’d just get an unfavourable comparison.

Ideally No chicken/poultry as I can’t imagine they’ll want it again. No fish as one family member doesn’t like it and is liable to make ‘yuck’ type comments.

No salt for a health concern/general dislike.

No onions, garlic or spices.

No condiments.

No cooked in sauce type things.

They like very bland food and prefer traditional British type stuff. I’d be happy to make two versions if it got me roughly in the right area.

What the hell can I make?

Steak and chips?

Steak and chips?

(They sound like a nightmare, you have my sympathy).

Sausage and mash (bisto) or sausage egg and chips 😂

Would a beige buffet work or do they want a meal?

Steak pie with mash and veg?

I would do a cottage pie or toad in the hole with mash

Christmas ham, homemade chips and a side of roast veg

Jacket potatoes with a variety of topping and salad?

Centrepiece gammon roast and assorted buffet vegetables plus roast potatoes and trifle.

One big luxurious fish pie
One big plain cottage pie
Veg

Or, as PP, a big cold ham, chips and lots of salads

Jesus, I'd be telling them to feed themselves🤣

Definitely steak and chips.

Ask what food they can/normally eat at home?
Ask them to each bring part of the meal- Jo brings entree, Bob the main, Mary the sides etc?
I was going to suggest fondue or raclette, but its not British.

Beef pie, gravy and veg
Cottage pie
Sausage, mash and veg
Have a selection of things on the table and everyone helps themselves

I'd love to tell them you are having scallops/black pudding then a fiery, hot goat curry with added onions, spices and chilli 😆

Sorry it sounds to me like they’re just being arseholes about they don’t want roast. They don’t want this. I could understand the allergy. Why can’t you just say I’m not up for it if you like what you like? Cook for yourself and do it at their own house because it seems obviously that what you’re doing is not great. He just said they’re okay with the curry, but they like their version of it.

That’s exactly what I just said

@JC03745 I’d enjoy that menu. Even if it would be a solo venture.

Steak and chips might work for a smaller meet up but we’d be 8. Not sure I’d get them all right and out together. I’ll hold it in mind for when the two fusspots visit alone.

Lots of suggestions including mash. I’d be happy to give it a go but I would normally use dairy in it. Is there a good alternative?

A couple of options that might work. Thanks all.

dairy free marg and soya/almond/oat milk is fine in mash

Swap mash for chips or roast potatoes or use a dairy alternative? I used a dairy free mayonnaise once and the mash was really creamy.

Do people who are this fussy actually go and stay with other people and expect them to cater to all this?

The ‘yuck’ commenter would not be welcome in my home. That’s just rude.

We have allergies in the family, but the whole menu doesn’t change for everyone. Adaptions are made for individual allergies, eg they could have dairy-free spread in their mash, but everyone else could still have butter.

For mash you can get oat or soya milk cream and butter

I'd be tempted by a lentil based shepherd pie ( add dollop of marmite to the sauce mix )

Or bean burgers / egg and chips and home made coleslaw

Lasagne or just get a takeaway

Fuck that, seriously. Give them access to the kitchen.

Jacket potatoes, and then make a selection of salads, cold meat, cheese etc to choose from to go alongside

No condiments? Surely you just put them in the middle of the table and people either have some or they don't. Same with sauces, put them in a jug on the table, those that want sauce can serve themselves the others can enjoy their dry meal.

I usually crack my knuckles at posts like these and say ; 'Right! Let me at it' before giving great ideas.

But that is a hard brief, OP. My sympathies.

Steak and chips gets my vote. With a green salad. And non-dairy ice cream sundaes.