can you indulge me and tell me what your one year old eats?

[oranges]

I have a 19 month old baby who is not fussy as such, but eats in tiny quantities.
On a good day, he'll have - half a weetabix with milk,
six bites of pasta and brocolli, vanilla yoghurt,
6 bites of a blueberry muffin,
half a little bowl of chicken casserole with potatoes and carrots.

He used to eat an actual plateful of food, but hasn't done for about 4 months. Still drinks milk though. When he's sick, he won't eat a thing.

Starlight - if you dont want eating to be a negative experience - do you mean for him or for you? Because doing what you did with the advocado wasnt really positive for him at all.

Will you read the book I've suggested?

And do you really think breaking his will over a bit of avocado is a good way to teach him about a nutritious diet? He's just about one year old now, so still fairly malleable - yes, you say he's spirited, but honestly, it's a whole different ballgame with an older child.

the two things aren't the same, starlight, and it's just silly to pretend that they are.

i don't really give a damn about the peculiar power games you're playing with your child on this one. why should i? he's not mine, after all. but from what you've described i do feel a bit sorry for him and reckon you might think about reading that book hunker suggested... you might learn something about his and your behaviour that might surprise you.

x-posted with hunker. you should read that book.

"A range of healthy things won't cover it aitch, if for example he will only eat things that taste citric, or with natural sugars, or dairy. That won't be a balanced diet!"

does he only eat things that taste citric or have natural sugars or dairy? i don't understand the point you're making.

back into the conversation -

starlight- if you hate breastfeeding, why not stop? Is there a chance your little one is picking up on the fact you don't like it? I know it bfas benefits, but not if it comes served with a dose of resentment.

sorry for a non existent link - it was not meant to be there.

of course you are playing power games, it doesn't really matter for whose benefit at the end of the day. clearly you think it's for his but i think you were the person who first referred to it as a game, were you not?

why do you anticipate that if you let him control his intake from a range of healthy foods that he will suddenly refuse to eat anything but junk? do you have any food issues yourself? how were you encouraged to eat as a child?

But why would your LO eat only junk given the choice of a variety of normal food?

My lo has toddler randomness (eg today she mostly ate peas with one chip and half a fishfinger, yesterday she only ate the mince from shepherds pie whereas last week she mostly ate potato!!) but she eats a variety of reasonable food over the week. As for tomato ketchup sandwiches - DON'T OFFER THEM. I choose what to give my child (and for me, I am happy to give the occasional biscuit and fishfingers and oven chips) but if you don't want them to have it, just don't offer it. Provide a variety of healthy meals and trust your LO - if you really think they won't eat a variety, and they have had not enough carbs, offer an only carbs meal for example...

Starlight, I think that this is all quite stressful for you. I understand that you want your child to be well-nourished, and that if he has limited his milk intake then you feel it's more important that he gets nutrition from food. I understand that - my daughter dropped feeds left, right and centre, and I was torn, as I also want another baby. It took her ages to get the hang of drinking from a cup and I was heartbroken to waste so much ebm! But then I "unclenched" to quote Aitch, and just watched - she's healthy, beautiful, developing normally and so much fun. She's fine. Some days she doesn't feel like eating. That's really really ok, and Starlight, I'm sure you know that your little one won't be malnourished by missing the odd meal. My niece went through a phase of only eating fruit for lunch. So what? It was healthy, and despite eating like a bird, she's a robust, energetic magic little girl.
I think what concerns me about your approach is it seems stressful for both of you - it is a battle of wills, even if you're doing it with lots of cuddles and attention, and battling over food isn't ideal - it's the social element of meals that will teach him the true value of food, not simply as nutrition, but as a great social bond. On that topic, I don't really advocate games over food - medicine, yes, if I have to - but I want her to eat for herself, with joy. You're cooking good nutritious food for him. Show him how much you enjoy it. Have fun with your son and maybe stop thinking too hard about what will happen if, blah blah.

god yes, i have food issues. i cannot leave a plate with food on it, thanks to the drilling about 'clearing my plate' that i got growing up.
my parents thought they were doing the best thing for me, didn't want me to be a food refuser etc etc, so instead they turned me into someone for whom excess equals waste and who hasn't tucked in a blouse since i was twelve.
that's why i don't want to be so involved in my daughter's eating. if she's hungry, she eats, if not, she doesn't. she will eat half a bit of carrot cake, for example, and then say 'all done' because she is full. that's amazing to me (as at 36 i still struggle to read my own appetite cues) and i am delighted to see her do it.
she tries everything, likes some better than others and eats brilliantly over the week. on a day to day basis, some days she eats more than others but the minute i start to see this as anything other than simple appetite i think i'll have blown it, tbh.
you're the one who came on saying you were a 'mean force-feeder' and crowed about how your son was trying to manipulate you but you wouldn't fall for it, starlight. i know you've retracted a lot of the detail but it's an odd stance i think and one that child psychologists of my acquaintance would think most out-moded.
the reason i asked about your food issues is that i know people who have issues with eating are more likely to stress about this stuff, which imo is not a battle worth picking with a child. not to offend you, i think we all have questions to ask about how we were raised and whether the thinking might have moved on since then.

I think its sad that those of us that struggle feeding our one year olds and need support have had a thread taken over. From the psychologist!

ach, it's the way things go on MN, tapster. maybe start a thread that's more explicitly-titled, then you could really get good support? and have a look at hunker's book, it's great, really. very interesting on the physiology and psychology of eating and growth.

for example, did you know that your child eats to fuel a growth spurt, rather than grows because he eats? and that despite all the chat aobut us getting bigger in the west, we're not getting much taller, it's mostly fatter. and what else? off the top of my head, i always like the point he makes about genetice, that if you feed up a poodle you get a fat poodle, not an alsatian. so worth a read.

Aitch - yes, the "I'm done" thing I find quite enchanting - how she'll leave her absolutely favourite thing, because she knows she's full. I think I'm ok about food - I think as a kid I was told to "eat your meat" if I couldn't manage the whole meal, and ate veg raw from the sink as I hated it cooked - think my mum had a pretty chilled approach - wasn't much in the way of biscuits or crisps in the house, so that wasn't generally an option anyway. I know I've banged on about this, but the social aspect of meals is so important, and there's so much STUFF about nutrition and "superfoods" and blah in the media etc that we forget that it's about more than fuel.

Not sure where these games have come from?
To clarify (if it was my posts), our family's whole world is generally a bit silly, so naturally enjoying our food will be a bit silly too - I will nick her broccoli and we will enjoy the texture of spaghetti and share it's wiggliness... IMO playing with food (eg putting your fingers in yoghurt or seeing what herbs smell like) is v important to allow children to enjoy and be familiar with food.

cannot believe I just made a "there's so much blah blah in the media" comment. I may as well go and read the daily mail...

Oh, mummymagic - yes - those sorts of games are great! And playing with food is lots of fun - my daughter shoves her hands in porridge, yoghurt, stew, and yet is getting really good with a spoon through her own volition.

Sorry, I meant the "one for me, then one for you" and "here comes the train" - I don't like those.