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Original poster

Do you insist your children should eat everything on their plate?

97 replies

trulymadlydeeply · 30/10/2007 20:50

My DH and I are arguing about this, particularly with regards to our youngest dc, who my DH says I "baby".

I don't see why they should have to clean the plate (possibly because it was an agonising experience for me as a child) and I particularly hate it when DH forces them to eat something they either don't particularly like or don't want that mealtime. It reduces them to tears, but absolutely infuriates DH when I take their side.

Had this over a chicken dinner tonight and feel as though ds2 (nearly 5) has been bullied - he was sent to bed in the end because he didn't want his chicken!!

OP posts:
thewatlingsofeastwick · 30/10/2007 20:53

Never ever ever, within reason, ie if it was a tiny portion then yes. I think it is the way to encourage overeating. We are born with a natural 'full' sensation and if we are forced to over eat we lose the ability to activate it.

Saturn74 · 30/10/2007 20:54

I always had to clear my plate as a child, and it made for some very miserable meal times.

With my children, I put the food in serving bowls on the table, and they can help themselves (or I served them when they were smaller, but they could say how much they wanted).

As long as they try a bit of everything, that's fine.

And they seem to eat more veg, rice etc when they have control of their own portion sizes.

nutcracker · 30/10/2007 20:54

No I don't.

I do insist that they at least try and eat a fair amount, and will portion it off for them if they are struggling.

I can normally tell if they genuinly don't like something and as long as they have at least tried it then they can leave it.

omeN666 · 30/10/2007 20:55

We dont clean the plate we have a policy of trying everything even if it is just a lick. We try to get them to eat a reasonable amount or there is no desert.

Coolmama · 30/10/2007 20:55

No - I don't make DS finish everything on his plate - that said, he is a very good eater so if there is something that he doesn't want to finish, I am usually okay with it. I will generally ask him to have 3 or 4 more mouthfuls of a particular thing or get him to have more veggies or whatever before he leaves the table, but also make it absolutely clear that if he doesn't eat all his dinner now, then there is nothing else later - no toast, yoghurt etc

Wordsmith · 30/10/2007 20:57

TMD - you could be me and my DH. DS2 (3) eats hardly anything. DH sometimes gets really frustrated by this and ends up shouting at the table reducing DS2 to tears. Trouble is I remember DS1 (7) being exactly the same, with the same effect on DH. DS1 now eats loads, eats for England, eats almost anything. DH can't seem to remember what he was like 4 years ago!

DrNortherner · 30/10/2007 20:58

No I'd never force ds to eat everything on his plate ever. Mealtimes should not be a stressful time for kids at all.

You can easily make your point of no pudding if you don't eat well simply by removing said dinner and not creating a fuss.

oliveoil · 30/10/2007 21:00

no

food is served

it is eaten or sneered at

either way, plates are removed when meal is 'finished'

lou33 · 30/10/2007 21:02

no but they have to eat a bit of everything

spookykitty · 30/10/2007 21:03

No DD1 is a terrible fusst eater sometimes she will eat all her dinner other times she will not I don't make a fuss about it, desert is usually only a sugar free yoghurt or ice cream on a Sunday. I will say oh eat another two spoonfuls of potato and thats you which she will do. As long as she's not eating rubbish afterwards I don't push it.

I too remember beign told to clear your plate as a child, I hated meat as a child (still do) and remember sitting gagging trying to eat stew, tears streaming down my face and my mother telling me I wasn't moving until I finished it, must have sat there for over an hour.

Mealtimes should be happy family times not stressful times.

hatwoman · 30/10/2007 21:08

the rational me goes for the not caring approach - ie they have the choice, it is entirely up to them but there will be no pudding unless there is a clean plate - or only bits they genuinely don;t like left, or perhaps a small concession if they were given a large portion; and there will be no food until the nesxt meal time. however the rational me sometimes gets over-ruled and I feel annoyed/frustrated when I really feel ilke they've eaten k'all. - but I still don;t insist on a clean plate.

wannaBe · 30/10/2007 21:10

I don't insist he clears his plate but ...

I have a marble jar, and if he clears his plate he gets a marble and can have icecream/cake after his fruit. Once 10 marbles have been earned he can have a treet.

If he doesn't clear his plate he doesn't get pudding, but I am careful not to overload it.

ScaryScienceT · 30/10/2007 21:11

pretty much.

They have to eat all the meat that is served to them.

If they serve themselves, they have to eat it.

They can't have pudding or evening snacks unless they finish their main meal.

FrannyandZooey · 30/10/2007 21:14

god no! how can i tell how much he should eat at any one meal, my brain is not connected to his stomach

the only foods I still cannot face as an adult (I was quite a fussy child) are the few that I was forced into eating as a child. I can't eat rice pudding or anything even remotely like rice pudding (eg, porridge, hot chocolate drink (with warm milk)) because I was forced to eat it by a school dinner lady

Blu · 30/10/2007 21:15

No!
There can be no possible benefit of forcing a child to the point of tears to eat. Counter productive in every way. They wil not learn their natural appetite, they will develop food issues, they will have horrible memories (I know a fully grown adult who gags at the sight and smell of a red pepper ebcause he was forced by his father to eat one)..
It's so hard because we are all desparate fr kids to eat, but it is the worst thing, for food to become a battleground.
Please tell your DH to do some research - there isn't one child-expert who will advocate the treatment he his giving your DS.

dinny · 30/10/2007 21:15

no way - encourage them to eat a little more if they really haven't touched mu=ch but wouldn't ever insist they finish everything.

BelaWotzLugosi · 30/10/2007 21:16

no but a reasonable amount
sometimes I don't want to finish everything on my plate.

stressteddy · 30/10/2007 21:18

No. He eats what he wants to. If he doesn't eat savoury he still gets pud. I have hideous memories of this as a child (all from my Father) I can still remember being "made" to eat a sausage, storing it in my cheeks and then going to to the toilet were I vommed like a good 'un

Please don't make him eat anything, Who cares? you wouldn't eat stuff you don't like/want. Why make your children do it?

HunkOLantern · 30/10/2007 21:19

No, no, no, no. It's not a healthy way to be. I am utterly laid back about food - DS1 doesn't eat much in the way of fruit or veg, but I get round it with smoothies, dried fruit and bananas and the limited veg he does like.

I really, really can't bear adults forcing children to eat things. It must be very hard for you, having a DH who does this. Can you talk to him about setting them up for struggles with food in later life? If they're not allowed to work to their own appetites, they risk having food ishoos.

ChasingSquirrels · 30/10/2007 21:19

no, 5yo has to try everything and has to eat a reasonable amount (at least half - portion sizes based on what he would usually eat) of those things that I know he doesn't dislike.

Blu · 30/10/2007 21:20

I don't do 'no pudding unless everything else eaten' either.
DS isn't a great eater, never has been - but food is food - sweet puddings shouldn't (imo) be a reward for eating the 'nasty' savoury. I have been hopeless in the way I dealt with food when DS was small - but he doesn't pine for the rare sweet food...if he has it he does, if we're not, he doesn't, and he's not that fussed.

ScaryScienceT · 30/10/2007 21:20

The key thing is to serve the minimum that you want them to eat, and then to put the rest of the food in serving dishes. Invariably they will eat more vegetables than you could have predicted.

oliveoil · 30/10/2007 21:23

what I do to try and get dd1 and dd2 to eat a bit more is pretend there is a food party going on in their stomach

then say "ooooh that piece of carrot/pepper/chicken wants to go to the party, don't leave me on the plate" etc

charliemama · 30/10/2007 21:23

Imo a healthy child will not let themselves starve (well I hope I would notice first). So mine have been told they only have to eat what they want and that I would rather they tried things. They have unlimited access to the fruit bowl. I am very proud of the range and amount that my dcs eat and I do believe it is because I made the decision not to make food into a battle ground. If children know you are wrried about how much they are eating they can use it against you!
My children love fresh sardines, fruit, a range of veg, pasta ... I could go on.

PS Hope I don't sound smug. I just hate the thought of dcs sitting crying at the table. I have memories of gagging on liver and won't touch it to this day.

Only tonight dd (nearly 3) said she was not hungary and wasn't going to eat her dinner. So I said fine and sure enough she came sat down and ate.

WideWebWitch · 30/10/2007 21:24

No I don't
Have recently realised I do this (clear plate) even if not hungry and guess I was made to at some point, it feels like a habit.
Anyway, am not Kate Moss esque and therefore will never force my children to eat everything

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