Do you insist your children should eat everything on their plate?

[trulymadlydeeply]

My DH and I are arguing about this, particularly with regards to our youngest dc, who my DH says I "baby".

I don't see why they should have to clean the plate (possibly because it was an agonising experience for me as a child) and I particularly hate it when DH forces them to eat something they either don't particularly like or don't want that mealtime. It reduces them to tears, but absolutely infuriates DH when I take their side.

Had this over a chicken dinner tonight and feel as though ds2 (nearly 5) has been bullied - he was sent to bed in the end because he didn't want his chicken!!

Yes, Truly, has your dh explained what it is that's making him so cross?

I do insist everything has to be tried but not all has to be eaten. DD is nearly two and it is a standing joke that I can't fill her. I very very rarely offer puddings.

I only dish onto her plate what i want her to eat and only expect her to eat 75% of it. I find that Mealtimes are loads easier if she is actually hungry so I don't offer anything between meals. Lunch today will consist of ham sandwich, cheese,pear, tangerine and yoghurt. My little one does loads better with variation in a meal for example lasagne is a nightmare as each mouthfull is essentially the same so i servie it with cucumber, tomatoes, lettuce and garlic bread.

It is a load of faffing about but she eats it all 99% of the time so is definately worth it. I also freeze portions of a meal so i don't waste it and then reuse the next week if you know what I mean.

Thank you all so much for confirming by own views (I like to be right!!).

I rarely eat meat and endured some miserable childhood mealtimes and my sister had a disorder of some kind for similar reasons. My kids eat really well on the whole, but I don't see why they should eat what they don't like or don't feel like at a particular meal time.

You all make me feel confident enough to stand my ground! (Having said this, I think DH's outburst was work stress related, but that doesn't make it right or reasonable.)

My dd has to have one good bite of everything. She also only gets what she is given, I don't give her anything else

as - I think - the person who introduced wasted food into this conversation I feel the need to defend myself as to an extent I have been misunderstood - the waste to which I object comes not only by leaving it on the plate, (I agree that food is "wasted" whether it be left on the plate or "force-fed") but by offering an alternative. On the whole I do leave it up to the children but I will not be providing them with something else when I have cooked a perfectly good healthy meal - which is exactly what a lot of people here have said.

As a society we are incredibly profligate with food and I see no reason why my children shouldn't understand that - it is an energy-using resource that should be treated/consumed with respect - in exactly the same way as everything else. there may not be a difference between wasting food by throwing it away and wasting food by force-feeding it but my point was related to creating waste by preparing/offering too much. I know we can't prepare the exact amount they're going to eat but - like I said - i was talking about puddings/alternatives being wasteful.

no

I don't really think pudding is wasteful either tbh. If it's a good healthy pudding, it's just another part of the meal. Not a reward for eating the "horrible food". It sticks in my craw to hand over a pudding when half the main course is still on the plate, but I don't want to give my kids the message that pudding is automatically more desirable than cauliflower or chicken.

What I do tend to do, is leave the dinner on the table while they eat pudding. 7 or 8 times out of ten, DD will have a bit more dinner after her pudding. I don't have a problem with that, though lots of people would hate it.

As an adult sometimes I easily finish my plate and other evenings feel full after 1/2. Our appeptite varies which seems fine for adults. But surely it works the same for children their appetite varies so seems unfair to demand they finish they plates. As long as they have made a good attempt at it then Im happy

no way, dd is 5 some nights eats all and wants more, other nights barely a bit, so we give her some milk and that's it.
If you know he will eat well usually, then you know equally he does not want to eat when he says not
Makes me beyond words when people force kids to eat like that
it's oral rape IMO

No. I encourage them to eat a reaonable amount, but dont insist.

Interesting how there are more people saying 'no' that 'yes' on this thread!

I don't make my DS finish everything on his plate either. THe way I see it, we wouldn't force an adult to clear their plate, we'd respect their decision that they don't want to eat, so why shouldn't children get the same respect? I think it is especially unreasonable to make a child eat everything on their plate when they didn't even serve it to themselves!

There are also some foods my DS has tried and just doesn't like. I'm not going to force him to eat these, just like I wouldn't force an adult to eat anything they don't like.

It makes me that children are not treated with the same respect that adults get in this regard.

Children won't starve themselves. If they aren't hungry they aren't hungry. Simple. Why make a battle out of it and reduce them to tears? It's a form of bullying and control imo.

Message withdrawn

Yes, Pitch, I see what you are saying, however, the OP asked do we insist our child finishes everything on their plate. That is not the same as persuasion to eat a few bites of veg ect.

And while I'm here, no I don't. But then again, mine are eating machines, so I don't have to. If on the rare occasion they don't want anything, I wrap it up and they can have it later.

There's also the issue of instilling a degree of politness in DC (which I appreciate is not quite what the OP is talking about). Not that you have to eat all your food when you don't want to, but that it is rude and hurtful to push it away and demand something else, and polite to try a few bites of something even if it's unfamiliar or you're not that hungry. My DS is a good eater on the whole but has occasional spells of not eating a meal, sometimes because he's got a cold or is not very hungry, but now and again because he wants something else, but I have always stuck to the 'this is the meal that's on offer, eat it or don't but I'm not getting you anything different'. Because I sort of thing that cooking a replacement meal for the one the DC doesn't want is encouraging faddy eating (with the exception of offering a different meal if there's something wrong with the original one, it's gone off or is burnt or whatever).

Not read intervening thread just OP.

Not everything on the plate but a reasonable amount of each food group even if they claim not to like it.

I have seen first hand children who eat an extraordinarily limited variety of food. My dd was bloody awful for a while - eat about 5 things in total - she could be one of those children who only ate fishfingers and chicken dippers if I hadn't persevered (sometimes to the point of grinding despair) for around 18 months (before I began to get breakthroughs)...she still has her food aversions but eats pretty well compared to her peers

I never force my DC's to finish everything, but i don't stand for any of them flatly refusing then wanting something different - I already consider likes and dislikes when I decide what to cook (DS2 is lactose intolerant and has pretty plain, but healthy tastes, the other two are more adventurous). I don't want any of them to be like DH whose parents were of the clear your plates/meat and two veg/starving children generation and consequently is very obese .He has no idea when he's really hungry, or when he's stopped feeling hungry and will plough through everything on his plate, then finish the kid's leftovers or anything I leave -I have to scrape all the plates as soon as each person has finished to stop him.

Also, I would happily live on chocolate, chips and lager (if tastes alone were the sole consideration) and eschew all other foods - but being an adult and aware of the health consequences I make sure I eat plently of fresh fruit and vegetables, even though this genuinely wouldn't be my first choice...(infact I actively dislike most fruit..but still eat the bastard stuff)

my children are not fully equipped with the same information and objectivity / rationality just yet, so I see it as my job to ensure that they don't just subsist on marshmallows, crisps and popcorn (undoubtedly that would be their favoured approach) hence they will eat their broccoli! So fecking shoot me!

Agree with jamila about the link with enforced clearing of plates and obesity

No. I do encourage them to eat some more vegetables if I feel they haven't had their 5 that day. Even then that is counter productive with DS2 who can't bear being told to finish food he doesn't want, even if there is something he does want afterwards.

Appetities vary. Some days my big two eat a huge pile of brocolli, cauli, beans, peas and are asking for more. The next day they may hardly touch them and I think it is probably their bodies self-regulating.

There is little point in saying 'if you don't have some of your vegetables you won't get pudding', because pudding is fruit 99% of the time, so I want them to have that.

If a nursery was to do this, it could be construed as Abuse. Children eat when they are hungry. When I had my first child I was so uptight and worried about what he ate, consequently he is very fussy and hates "good food", he is also as thin as a rake. My second child is a fabulous eater and will try anything and enjoy a vast array of healthy food. I put this down to the fact that I did not obsess about what or how much was going into his mouth. Good luck.
P.S I have the same issues with my husband about discipline, or lack of in his case. Some days i could scream out of sheer frustration!

No, and rarely an issue these days! Always insist on their trying a little bit of something they reckon they don't like.
Also, as adults, we seem to have the right to leave stuff when we're full, so think it's wrong to force children (none of us have consistent appetites). Sometimes a full plate is over-facing to a little one if they're not that hungry. I used to do what became known as a "spreader" - put a little bit of everything to the front of the plate and pushed the rest to the back of the plate. Got them to eat the bit at the front. At least that way they ate a bit more. Problem is more you and your DH agreeing a consistent approach, which isn't always that easy I know, but last thing you should do is turn meal grounds into a battle, also easier said than done! Good luck.

I was made to eat everything on my plate as a child. In fact I was trapped in a corner seat (the glorious 70s!!) until my plate was empty. As a result, if my DDs say they are full, as long as they have eaten a reasonable amount - taking in to account what they have or have not eatedn that day, i do not make them eat any more.

I have suffered from eating problems in the past and put some of that down to my childhood experiences with food. My mum will still try to stuff my DDs with food heaping them with praise if they clear their plate. Until recently she looked afer them one day a week and when I went to pick them up the first thing she would tell me was what they had eaten.

May be it's just my mum's era...you had to eat lots of food to be strong and healthy. She is a post war baby and one of 13, my dad is was also from a large family so food was scarce and viewed as something that should not be wasted...but most of my aunts and uncles could are overweight