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Original poster

Do you insist your children should eat everything on their plate?

97 replies

trulymadlydeeply · 30/10/2007 20:50

My DH and I are arguing about this, particularly with regards to our youngest dc, who my DH says I "baby".

I don't see why they should have to clean the plate (possibly because it was an agonising experience for me as a child) and I particularly hate it when DH forces them to eat something they either don't particularly like or don't want that mealtime. It reduces them to tears, but absolutely infuriates DH when I take their side.

Had this over a chicken dinner tonight and feel as though ds2 (nearly 5) has been bullied - he was sent to bed in the end because he didn't want his chicken!!

OP posts:
Hekate · 30/10/2007 21:27

Nope. Eat or not, it's up to them.

There is no way I am letting food become an issue for my kids. I know where that road goes.

EmsMum · 30/10/2007 21:30

No. I don't make my DH clear his plate either if he doesn't want it all.

HunkOLantern · 30/10/2007 21:34

OO, I like the food party - DS1 would love that, I think. Or it might utterly freak him out. It's a fine line with DS1

Blu, agree, I don't do the "if you eat your dinner, you can have your pudding" thing either.

Tipex · 30/10/2007 21:35

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BelaWotzLugosi · 30/10/2007 21:42

we don't do puddings normally, only about 3 times a week always unexpected (mostly beacuse I forget). So they dont expect a pudd.

saadia · 30/10/2007 21:44

I don't force them to finish but do ask them to have "three more bites". They really don't eat much and just give up after a bit out of boredom.

Lazarou · 30/10/2007 22:00

This thread brings back horrible memories of my gran making me and my sister eat everything on the plate when we were little. My sister used to eat mine for me as she was older and looked after me.
My parents weren't like that though and im not like that with mine.

"god no! how can i tell how much he should eat at any one meal, my brain is not connected to his stomach" Exactly Franny

essbeeavenue · 30/10/2007 22:06

Message withdrawn

PumpkinFang · 30/10/2007 22:06

No. A good try with emphasis on the veggies.

I like to see a good attempt (providing not ill or some such reason) because I don't give them a daunting mountainous plateful in the first place.

Likewise I do accept some likes and dislikes - within reason. (Ie ds really doesn't like anything at all spicy whereas dd's do)

I also like them to at least try something new and not write off new foods out of hand.
I also always buy a new fruit of veg if they see it when we're shopping and they want to try it.

Shoelacetripper · 30/10/2007 22:12

No. It makes kids phobic about foods. The sight of a cauliflower made me gag until I was nearly in my twenties. Besides, if you turn it into a power struggle kids won't hesitate to use food as a weapon against you...

LittleBellaLugosi · 30/10/2007 22:14

God no, how stupid.

All he's doing (apart from bullying his children) is ensuring that they will grow up not knowing how to recognise their stomachs' signals that they are full. So they're likely to over-eat and get fat. That's if they don't go in for some other eating disorder first, as a result of his idiotic behaviour.

Sorry to be so rude about your DH, but this sort of idiocy really pisses me off.

LittleBellaLugosi · 30/10/2007 22:15

WWW - I used to clear my plate as well and have had to re-train myself to recognise that I'm full and don't need to go on eating and clear my plate.

hotcrosspumpkincarvingbunny · 30/10/2007 22:16

No. I ask dd to eat until her tummy is full. Sometimes insist on a few more veggies but otherwise she knows when she has had enough.

My dad made me really cross trying to insist she finish everything on her plate. 'There are starving children in Africa who need food' etc etc - I was hoping dd would say 'well they can have mine then'

My parents were convinced I had an eating disorder when I was growing up because I didn't eat as much as them. They are all obese now and I range between size 8-12. I don't think they know what feeling full is like now

serenity · 30/10/2007 22:27

No, but we also do the same as HumphreyCushion in that they dish their own food up at the table. We have a loose rule that you only take what you're going to eat, but I try not to stress too much if they misjudge it.

nooka · 30/10/2007 22:42

I don't insist on everything being eaten, but because I only dish up the amount they say they would like I do expect a good attempt, and if I think it's not good enough I will make them stay at the table and eat more. I was brought up to hate waste (my mum was a post war rationing child), and I do dislike throwing food away. I would never force them to eat something (well I probably did when they were tiny and meals were indeed a horrible battle ground at times) but I have been known to get mighty mad at them from time to time. My aim is to persuade them that most food is indeed delicious, as my mother did us, so that when they are older they enjoy a range of different things and aren't afraid to try anything new. In order to get there a certain amount of firmness is required, I think, but the most effective tactice when I was growing up was "all the more for us", and no alternatives.

demonaid · 30/10/2007 23:01

No. I had to eat everything on my plate as a child and it's laid the groundwork for a lifetime of struggling with my weight as I find it very difficult to recognise signs that I've eaten enough. It's literally only been the last couple of years that I've managed to reprogram myself to be able to leave food if I'm not really hungry. I am not doing that to my children.

I expect DS to try things but try to avoid giving him the few things I know he really doesn't like.

Oenophile · 30/10/2007 23:28

The less fuss and bother you make over food and what and how much they eat, the healthier a child's attitude to food will be and the less risk of any form of eating disorder, be it anorexia or obesity. That's what I firmly believe and I'd take a lot of swaying

harpsicorpsecarrier · 30/10/2007 23:37

I think this amounts to a very very bad idea indeed.
imo if you turn the dinner table into a battle ground then everyone loses their appetite.
tell your dh he is wrong is so many ways and encouraging a lousy relationship with food which matters a great deal more to the future health of your children than his nee to control.
oh and I like the food party idea too, nie one OO.

hatwoman · 30/10/2007 23:49

much as I hate to disagree with Blu I don't agree that only giving pudding if the main course is eaten equates to a sweet reward for nasty savoury. In our house pudding is something you get if you are still hungry. it's not a reward or a treat and you don't have to have a totally clean plate to get it, but if you push good food around your plate - especially stuff you normally like - you ain't getting pudding. not because you're somehow "undeserving" but because it's just wasteful. I don't like to play the old you don;t know how lucky you are card but I do sometimes - because we are lucky and I think kids need to understand just how lucky. And then there's the recent articles about how much perfectly edible food we throw away and how stopping chucking so much away would do as much for the environment as walking to school.

harpsicorpsecarrier · 30/10/2007 23:52

I never give pudding anyway tbh, my children don't eat very much at the best of times. they might have a yoghurt or banana or something or a biscuit but that's it.
I don't really see why everyone is always so obsessed with always having a pudding. dh and I don't have pudding every day or even every week

onebatmother · 31/10/2007 00:16

have recently laid off saying anything at all when ds says he's full, except 'ok great, how about a couple more forkfuls?'
Astonishingly he usually then has 5 6 7 more mouthfuls.

But if not I've been saying, again, ok great! With a cheerful smile. Which obviously cuts me to the bone.

BUT, it does seem to be working, amazingly. No fussing over veggie risotto with loooots of bits tonight for example.

OMGhelp · 31/10/2007 00:33

The 'Starving children in Africa' syndrome now means I am 18+ stone on a 5'6" frame, and that is after dieting from 20st 11lbs.
4 weeks ago my ds2 10yrs, was eating more than my husband, this week its a constant 'Im not really hungry'. I am glad he knows when he doesn't need anymore. I don't do puds on a regular basis, in fact hardly ever, and then it will probably be a slice of fruit pie, or ice cream. I buy a carrier bag of fruit each week and its available at any time of day or night.
I have with the help of a male friend (who he adores), persuaded ds2 that peoples taste buds change as you grow up, and that something he didn't like last month he may like now or in the future, so have a try. He is really into Biriani at the moment, at least he's off burgers at long last. Keeping a bit back in the pan rather than fill their plate works as well, if they want more they can ask, if they don't it can always go in the freezer.
But mealtime battles, no way.

Greensleeves · 31/10/2007 00:33

I find this whole concept of 'wasting food' by not forcing it down the throats of children who don't want or need it very strange. IMO it is as much wasted if it is eaten by a person who isn't hungry and doesn't want it as if it it had been thrown away.

Surely people aren't still ignorant enough to see virtue in overeating? It's so...... stupid

sallystrawberry · 31/10/2007 00:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Shitemum · 31/10/2007 00:50

As someone wise on here once said regarding food and kids:
You decide what, where and when, they decide whether and how much.
That said it's so hard not to slip into bad habits, especially if we were made to 'eat up' as children. I'm ashamed to say i have on occasion pressed food on my DDs to the point of making them sick

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