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Original poster

Alcohol - when does it become a problem?

136 replies

PamT · 16/09/2002 22:31

I know that quite a lot of the members here talk about the amount of wine they drink and I'm not suggesting that anyone has a problem, but when does drinking become a problem? I don't drink an awful lot and if I open a bottle of wine it does tend to last 2 or 3 days but more often now I am finding myself thinking that I would like a drink, particularly when the kids are really stressing me out. I never drink more than a couple of measures on my own, but is that strong desire for a drink a sign that I am on a slippery slope - or does it just mean that I need to relax and enjoy a drink? I'm strong willed enough at the moment to resist but these thoughts do worry me.

My friend and I were discussing our current states of mind on the way home from school today and we are both feeling really down and unmotivated. We both finally have a couple of hours on our own with our youngest children in nursery/playgroup, yet our get up and go seems to have got up and gone. I spend my time on message boards and she watches tv, then we both see the mess that surrounds us and get more annoyed with ourselves but have no enthusiasm to do anything about it. Perhaps its just that the summer holidays have taken their toll or maybe we both need a kick up the bum.

Sorry to lump the two subjects together but they all seem to be part of the same problem. Your opinions and suggestions would be welcome. (BTW we both have a DH around but neither really seems to be clued up about how we are feeling)

OP posts:

Alibubbles · 10/02/2003 13:11

I think DH and I better join the club. We always drink at least one bottle of wine an evening. every evening. We often open a second and drink half of that, I then drink the other haalf the next evening as I am cooking dinner and so on!

I think we only have a problem when there is 200 empties down the side of the house and the cats are playing skittles with them!

I don't see the amount we drink as a problem, both passed annual Bupas checks with flying colours, they didn't tell us we were drinking too much, or perhaps we only admitted to 21 units a week each, but I'm sure they know people will fib a bit!!

I think willow2's comment of it's only a problem when you've finished the last bottle and the offie is closed!!

P.S. We have about 250 bottles in the wine cupboard, specially built when we had DH's office done!

mum2toby · 10/02/2003 13:16

It might be too much if you look at the basic 'figures' but these are only a rough indication.... it's very individual. Who decides it anyway??? And who decides how much calories per day is safe, or how much saturated fat, or salt is safe?????? I think people can get a bit hysterical about published statistics.

I don't feel it's a problem and when I was pregnant I stopped comlpetely.... I didn't even feel like the odd glass of red wine (except on hogmanay.. I had 2 glasses).

Whilst I was at uni my friends and I used to have a bottle of wine each... BEFORE we went out!! Obviously I don't drink that much now, but even then it was social drinking. I wasn't and am not drinking to allow myself to function normally in day to day life!

I know it's not exactly healthy for me, but neither is lack of exercise, too much fatty foods, smoking and other bad habits, but we ALL indulge in something......

I associate a drink in the evening with winding down before bedtime and spending time alone with dp.

If I don't have a bottle of wine in the house I don't panic.... I just don't drink!

Batters · 10/02/2003 13:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

ghengis · 10/02/2003 13:30

Glad to know I am not alone. Batters I agree - I see it as a problem therefore it is one. The fact that I feel ashamed and disgusted with myself every morning is my reason to stop. My DH commented the other night that I'm always drunk or asleep! When the children go to bed we should be spending time with each other but I always have a drink in one hand or else I fall asleep on the sofa. If he tries to wake me to go to bed I become belligerant (sp?) and I can't remember what I did/said the next morning.

I'm NOT drinking tonight.

ariel · 10/02/2003 13:39

Glad to hear im not alone, maybe it isnt such a problem after all, i dont wake up disgusted at drinking,i suppose its just i have many friends who squirm at the thought of drinking more than a few glasses a week one often says i drink far too much (she thinks 3 or 4 drinks when out is far too much!!), i used to think it was a big problem but deep down i must have known it was not a big deal or i would have done somethink about it.

bells2 · 10/02/2003 13:42

Out of interest, how do those of you who drink a bottle of wine on your own a night feel after having done so?. Do you feel drunk?

Batters · 10/02/2003 13:42

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

mum2toby · 10/02/2003 13:47

All of my friends drink most evenings. We used to meet up in the pub to do it, but now we do it with neighbours, partners etc since most of us have families or have moved away. At the weekends if we are not going out then we all phone each other whilst having a drink. It's just always been our lifestyle.

Batters: I definitely always have 2 drink free nights a week. Phew!

mum2toby · 10/02/2003 13:49

Bell2 - Most of the time I don't feel drunk after one bottle. I definitely feel a bit crappy the next day. I alwys drink plenty of water before I go to bed to avoid that though.

I only have more than one bottle if we have friends around and are making a night of it.

ariel · 10/02/2003 13:51

Have to say i never drink alone, dh drinks a few lagers , most weeks we have 2 or even 3 drink free nights, but there have been times (not many) when we dont have any drink free nights. So my (late ) new years resalution is to always have 2 sober nights a week

mum2toby · 10/02/2003 14:15

I never drink alone either.... usually with dp or friends.. or my Mum occasionally. I think that sounds like a very reasonable new year's resolution... good luck!

aloha · 10/02/2003 14:15

Look, I'm not making a moral judgement. Someone asked if drinking a whole bottle of wine by themselves every day was too much. Medically, the answer is unequivocally yes. The recommended daily limits were decided by a government appointed committee of top doctors who are all experts in their field. If you don't like what they say, that's fine. Neither do I! I drink more than the limit quite often and feel uneasy about it. I know, however that the risk of disease, liver and other organ damage does rise the more you drink. Of course, there are individual variations and you may never feel any serious ill-effect. However, a bottle a day every day could (not will) damage your health. It's up to you.

ghengis · 10/02/2003 14:50

Bells2, I feel warm and fuzzy after a bottle of wine. I can forget about the day to day problems of life and just 'chill'. I drink in the evening because it helps me unwind but now I cannot enjoy an evening without it. Even if I drink plenty of water I feel the effects the next day. I don't get sick but I feel grey and groggy. If I were stopped (driving) by the police I am sure I would be over the limit.

Chinchilla · 10/02/2003 14:59

Also, what would you do if your children needed you, and you were too drunk to function properly? I never drink alone because of that. I could not physically drink a bottle of wine without passing out anyway, so that is not relevant for me anyway! I got to a stage, when I was miserable at work, when I was coming in and having such a large baileys that I could hardly cook dinner! I am a bit more worried about alcoholism, because my mum's cousin died from it, and it affected all her family really deeply.

Chinchilla · 10/02/2003 15:01

Ghengis - if you can't enjoy an evening without alcohol, then you have a problem IMO. Sorry if this sounds harsh. I know that I have an unhealthy relationship with food, because I don't enjoy a meal out unless I have a pudding, even if I am really full after the main course. So, as someone else said, we all have something that we take too much of, it's just that alcohol affects our judgement so much that it is more dangerous than a slice of death by chocolate!

sobernow · 10/02/2003 15:14

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

bells2 · 10/02/2003 15:31

I was just curious as if I have a drop more than 3 glasses of wine I would say I feel drunk or certainly not completely in control. It's a feeling I loathe. After a full bottle of wine, I would find looking after a crying baby in the wee small hours far more hellish than it normally is. On one side of my family there is a history of addiction (both drugs and alcohol) but it's something I've never been able to relate to,

sobernow · 10/02/2003 15:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Alibubbles · 10/02/2003 16:38

I don't ever feel as though I drink too much, and feel perfectly fine after a bottle. I wouldn't drink too much as I really hate having a hangover, having done it too many times when younger!

I can easily chooseo have ANY, as if I have one glass, I want another, h dear does that sound like dependency!

janh · 10/02/2003 16:51

God, what a relief to read about so many other people who easily get through a bottle a night every night!!!!

Like most of you I am feeling guilty about it, worrying a little about my liver, hate not remembering details the next day (so often now the kids will say "I told you last night" and now I don't know if they did or not!) and being more and more conscious of the calories I'm consuming as my waistline (what waistline?) balloons.

If I have one night off I feel saintly. How pathetic is that?

Do any of you others who are worried want to do a mumsnet AA group - try to keep each other going giving up? Or at least cutting down? (I tend to drink the 13-14% stuff which is 9 units a bottle, if I only had half a night it would still be 30 units a week....)

Have to go - will look in later!

ghengis · 10/02/2003 16:54

janh, I would love to do a sober support group. I'm sure it would help.

mum2toby · 10/02/2003 17:01

Me too Alibubbles! I'm not plastered after a bottle of wine! And if I open a bottle I don't have to drink it all, I might only have one or two glasses.

Also, I NEVER Drink in front of ds! He is always in bed by the time I crack open a bottle and usually dp only has one can/bottle of lager. The only thing I feel guilty about is the calories!!

sigh< All this is making me want a wee drink.

Different people lead different lifestyles and I'm not saying that it's ok to be a raging alcoholic, but It's a few glasses of wine a few nights a week. I used to drink MUCH more before ds when I had a VERY active social life (HUGE sigh... those were the days). It just feels kind of indulgent to sit sipping wine in the evening. It makes me feel like me instead of just 'Mum'.

Carla · 10/02/2003 17:14

Genghis, what had you in mind? I had a terrible time until about a month ago, when I sought help. Will post again after dds are eating supper.

ghengis · 10/02/2003 17:35

Not sure. Something similar to this where we can support each other and ask for tips, etc. I'm already worrying because I can feel a bottle of Shiraz beckoning. No bloody willpower!

janh · 10/02/2003 18:02

well, ghengis, you are doing better than me if it's only beckoning, I've already succumbed...

Unlike Alibubbles and mum2toby, I can't leave an open bottle unfinished, so it's not opening one that's the place to start for me - no bloody willpower, as you say!

Part of my problem is that I have a habit of shopping at around 5pm (when I have a half-hour to kill because I have dropped a child off somewhere) and at that time of day the wine section is irresistable. And the drinking is habit, rather than addiction, at least I hope so, but it's just so nice (and makes me feel so mellow...) which is the other part of the problem.

Want to try starting out with rationing? So many glasses a night and an honest report back next day?

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