Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Food/recipes

For related content, visit our food content hub.

Original poster

Alcohol - when does it become a problem?

136 replies

PamT · 16/09/2002 22:31

I know that quite a lot of the members here talk about the amount of wine they drink and I'm not suggesting that anyone has a problem, but when does drinking become a problem? I don't drink an awful lot and if I open a bottle of wine it does tend to last 2 or 3 days but more often now I am finding myself thinking that I would like a drink, particularly when the kids are really stressing me out. I never drink more than a couple of measures on my own, but is that strong desire for a drink a sign that I am on a slippery slope - or does it just mean that I need to relax and enjoy a drink? I'm strong willed enough at the moment to resist but these thoughts do worry me.

My friend and I were discussing our current states of mind on the way home from school today and we are both feeling really down and unmotivated. We both finally have a couple of hours on our own with our youngest children in nursery/playgroup, yet our get up and go seems to have got up and gone. I spend my time on message boards and she watches tv, then we both see the mess that surrounds us and get more annoyed with ourselves but have no enthusiasm to do anything about it. Perhaps its just that the summer holidays have taken their toll or maybe we both need a kick up the bum.

Sorry to lump the two subjects together but they all seem to be part of the same problem. Your opinions and suggestions would be welcome. (BTW we both have a DH around but neither really seems to be clued up about how we are feeling)

OP posts:
bossykate · 14/10/2002 19:11

sister, well done!

bundle · 14/10/2002 19:19

sister, well done! and don't rule out counselling, I have friends who weren't the 'type' for that sort of thing and they said it helped enormously eg with PND, etc. All counsellors have their own philosophy, depending on where they trained and you may have encountered someone who didn't fit in with you. enough of the lecture! (just thought that if things do get sticky you could rant to someone outside the family, because I know how we end up going round in circles with our nearest & dearest) - just enjoy!!!

Marina · 14/10/2002 19:38

Sister, that is great news. So glad things are going well for you!

deegward · 14/10/2002 20:52

Sister, god I popped in to this for a light read, and have been engrossed ever since. I have stopped drinking due to preganancy but can take it or leave it normally.

Though I do seem to be the binger rather than the regular drinker.

Chocolate is my vice, and if there is a chocolates annonomous I will be their main member. Just now I am hiding my vice under the guise of pregnancy cravings.

sister · 15/10/2002 14:31

Thank you all very much for your kind words. I had my appointment with my GP this morning and DH came with me. They both said how well I've done and I'm so chuffed! It has definately improved my relationship with DH.
Although my GP said he wouldn't diagnose me as an alcoholic he did think that the dependancy I had on alcohol may mean that I'm not the kind of person who would do very well as a social drinker ever. I drank heavily because I enjoyed the effect it had on me more than I enjoyed the taste.
The effect never seemed to come quick enough which is why I ended up drinking heavily.
Am I the only one in the world who drinks because they like the affect of alcohol? To be honest at the moment I think I would feel scared if someone put a drink in front of me so maybe that is it for ever!!

SoupDragon · 15/10/2002 14:50

Well done sister! I can't answer any of your questions I'm afraid. On the suject of counselling have you considered hypnotherapy? it can be a success in many things. I used it to relax before DS2 was born, a friend used it to lose weight and I've read of people using it to help quit smoking so why not to help with kicking alcohol?

Anyway, well done again - you're right to feel chuffed.

bundle · 15/10/2002 15:24

sister, that's great news. I'm sure lots of people are more/less dependent on all sorts of things in their lives - shopping, drink, sex, drugs - and you are by no means a freak. weaknesses & foibles are all part of the human condition and you've been very brave to face up to yours. I get this 'picture' of you a bit like an ex-smoker, being able to smell the gorgeous scent of flowers for the first time in years and just lapping it up!

sobernow · 15/10/2002 15:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Bozza · 15/10/2002 15:37

Well done Sister. You sound to be making great progress. Sounds like its too early to say whether social drinking will be possible in the future or not. Just keep going with what you are doing. Glad to hear that things are going so well with your DH.

susanmt · 15/10/2002 16:18

Sister - just got back from hols and came in to find out how you are doing - well done you! Glad to hear things are going well.
Have to admit I like the effect, though, as well as the taste. Just dont usually drink enough to get the effect these deays as I get too tired and go to bed instead. Think I'm addicted to sleep!
Keep up the good work - really proud of you!
love
Susan

Lizzer · 21/10/2002 14:25

Just got back and found this, sister! Hurray, brilliant news. I'm so happy that you and DH are so happy, you have a real rock there by the sounds of it

I know you don't like the idea of therapy but maybe it wouldn't have to be something so hardcore and clinical as you might expect from your previous encounters. There are loads of really good 'alternative' (I HATE using that term, but you know what I mean) ways to heal your 'soul' or brain or whatever you want to call it. My friend has just recently had 'journey therapy' after suffering badly from PND and previous depression that she had never dealt with. Basically you just have to sit there with your eyes closed for 90 mins and you are guided through various activities in your head (not in a 'lets talk about your childhood' kind of way though). After one session of this she felt a million times better (and believe me I saw her the next day and she looked 10 yrs younger!) It helped her to understand the pattern of her behaviour and to deal with some BIG underlying problems she has. I really want to have a 'journey' myself now, to unlock and understand some of the craziness I have in my person (and you all thought I was sane, ha ha ha!) Try looking in your alternative health centre to find out more. There are other ways you could get the healing you need without resorting to the '2 chairs, a table and a box of tissues' approach... (Sorry, don't mean that to sound scathing, it works brilliant for some)

susanmt · 01/11/2002 10:48

Sister, just wanted to ask how things are going?

sister · 01/11/2002 13:49

susanmt, things are pretty good thanks! I have had one set back since seeing the doctor but I managed to get things under control again quickly and in general I am feeling much happier and healthier!!
The set back was when I was at a low because I seemed to be getting myself in a situation where I was juggling too many things at once and things built up and got on top of me. My dh didn't help because he told me to 'chill out', how annoying is that fellow mumsnetters!!!!
I'm back in control now and things have improved for me further because I have started getting ready for an OU course I'm starting next year so I feel like I'm doing something for myself for once, which is really exciting!! I'm taking time out to think about what I need for a change and it is definately helping me.
It's made me realise that I need to keep myself happy as well as my family or else things tend to go wrong!!!

Mines · 22/11/2002 14:08

Have just read the whole of this thread and am now quite tearful - sister well b***y done!

I love mumsnet, it really helps to put my life in perspective.

sister · 22/11/2002 14:42

Thanks Mines!!!
Things in general are a lot better than I could have imagined! I just wish I had had the guts to go and see my doctor sooner. He wants to see me again next week and hopefully that will be the end to it!!! I was feeling a bit nervous about being tee-total at Christmas but now I'm looking forward to it! My DH and I are going out tonight to a pub and I'll be driving home, he really is enjoying the new me

sister · 22/11/2002 14:44

I just wanted to add a big hug to everyone who supported me, you don't know how much you have helped.

Lizzer · 23/11/2002 10:51

Brilliant news. I guess sister's really are doing it for themselves!!!! (sorry, couldn't resist...)

Original poster
PamT · 03/01/2003 13:43

I hope I'm not opening any painful wounds Sister, I just wondered how you were doing and if you had managed to survive christmas and all the celebrations?

OP posts:
sister · 03/01/2003 14:09

Thanks for asking after me PamT. No painful wounds for me, just a lot of lessons learnt!
I had planned to have a completely alcohol free Christmas but things didn't go quite to plan. I had a bottle of wine on Christmas day and also a bottle on New Years Eve. I feel pleased that I did manange to keep my intake reasonably under control and in a mad way was very pleased that I suffered the day after!!! I was very aware that I must not drink two days in a row and although things did not go quite to plan I feel relieved that I am still managing to get through plenty of days with no alcohol. I think I might at long last be learning to be sensible and be very aware that it could quite easily become a problem for me.
I hope you had an enjoyable Christmas. We had a good time but it is very nice to get back to normal! A happy new year to you all.

Original poster
PamT · 03/01/2003 14:28

I'm really pleased that it hasn't been too traumatic for you. It sounds like you faced up to things before they became too much of a problem, I hope this year continues to go so well.

OP posts:
SoupDragon · 03/01/2003 14:59

Well done, sister. I think that being able to limit yourself with drinking is, in some ways, more difficult than saying no altogether.

Like PamT, I hope 2003 goes well for you.

ghengis · 10/02/2003 12:28

Hi Sister. I came to this thread out of desperation! I don't fel ready for AA but spend every evening much as you did. Red wine is my poison rather than vodka and I drink at least a bottle every evening. My relationship with DH is going down the toilet and I am getting fatter, which does nothing for my self esteem. Any advice anyone? I managed to have no alcohol last Monday evening because I was so disgusted at myself over the weekend but crumbled again the next evening. I don't feel like drinking during the day. I hate myself and feel deeply ashamed.

ariel · 10/02/2003 12:36

I believe alcahol is becoming a problem for me too, i also dont drink or want to drink during the day and i too drink about a bottle of wine nearly every evening, i do find myself making excuses for not having a problem, ie i dont think about it or want it in the day, im not that bothered if i dont drink in the evening, it helps me sleep. Maybe one day i will be ready to confront it head on but i know im not ready for that yet.

mum2toby · 10/02/2003 12:55

Well, I'm shocked!! I thought it was normal to have a bottle of wine in the evening. I really have never thought of it as a problem. I don;t drink during the day, but when we (dp and I) get home from work, get ds fed, bathed, get us fed and then sit down to watch TV (8.30pm-ish) I almost ALWAYS open a bottle of wine. Sometimes I fall asleep before I finish it, but mostly I drink the full bottle, whilst dp has a couple of bottles of beer.

If I go a couple of night without I usually get a bit ratty.

Is it really a problem?? I've never thought of having to face up to anything. Am I really being so blind????

aloha · 10/02/2003 13:07

A whole bottle to yourself every night is too much alcohol for nearly every women. There are around six units a bottle and the recommended safe limit is two - three a day. You will be drinking 36 units a week, while guidelines suggest 14 - including a couple of alcohol-free days a week. I think many of us drink too much, myself included, but a whole bottle every night is a lot IMO and really not good for your health.