Is anyone up for a parents of fussy eaters support thread?

[DevonFolk]

My three year old is very picky. I've made a promise to myself not to get too worried about it just yet because I was exactly the same and now I'll eat pretty much anything.

But it just gets so boring! If I do a roast I'm lucky if she picks at the chicken and I have to make sure I do brocolli or cauliflower (the only cooked vegetables she'll eat) and keep out raw carrots for her. There's pretty much no meal that I would want to cook for myself that I know she will eat too.

I'm not going to push it with her because I just don't see the point. She's encouraged to try new things and we talk about it a lot. If she tries something I praise her but if she doesn't like it, fine. To me it's the willingness to try at this stage that's important.

I'm sure I can't be the only one who experiences this. Like I say, I'm not going to get hung up on it or try to find an instant magic solution, it would just be nice to know I'm not alone!

This is a great thread, my 2 year old son is fussy. He has a limited diet that he wont let me vary and he prefers fruit to a meal (obviously i give him lots of fruit but i want hm to eat a meal other that a tin of spaghetti!!) . Any meal ideas would be very much appreciated
He doesn't like gravy
He doesn't like cream based sauce meals
He doesn't like meat other than sausages
He doesn't like fish
He doesn't like mash

He does like chocolate
He does like Ready Brec
He does like granted cheese - sometimes
He does like toast - but i dont want him having morning noon and night
He does like beans - sometimes
He does like red and brown sauce
He does like crisp
He does like bread sticks
He does like fruit

Any suggestions???????

i am soo happy to have found this thread! Dd(10) is abit fussy but ds(7) is a nightmare!
He doesn't like: any sauce, his food mixed up, fruit or veg, although recently will sometimes eat a piece of carrot or broccoli. The only protein is processed thin slice ham, Richmond skinless sausages, fish fingers and peanut butter. Carbs he will eat bread; potato- all sorts except baked; rice cakes, oat cakes, ryvita, occasionly ready brek if I feed him!. He has a really sweet tooth loves biscuits, mainly value custard creams and bourbons and certain chocolate - chip cookies, chocolate but only by itself mainly.

I'm really worried that he gets virtually no iron and way too much sugar.
Everyone says i should just make 1 family meal but i usualy end up making a different meal for all of us. I agree everyone else telling me i should just cook it and if he doesn't eat it let him go hungry really winds me up.
Me and dd have dyspraxia and mild ASD and find coping with people being upset, organinising myself and making decisions really hard. I look at other people and just think I'm teh worst mum in the world sending him to school with chocolate spread sandwiches becasue he's not allowed peanut butter in school and that's teh only 2 things he'll eat.
Sorry about the long post but it's so nice to find other people who understand!!

Time for bed before the next battle of meal times tomorrow!

It's so stressful, isn't it, Shannara? I worry that people will think I'm a bad mum for not sending my DS2 to school with fruit in his lunchbox, but - like you and the chocolate spread sandwiches - that's because he simply won't eat fruit at school. You are not a bad mum, ok?!

I agree that it's not always possible to make one family meal for everyone. What I have started trying to do, though, is make one main meal with various accompaniments that I know the DC will like, eg red lentil lasagne (not popular, but tasted, which was amazing), with grated cheese (popular), garlic bread (popular) and green salad (no prizes for guessing), followed by a big pudding (always popular).

I also hide vegetables in my cooking (see 'good-for-you bolognese sauce' above), so that I know the boys are getting some veggie vitamins.

I really do believe that the most important thing is to keep mealtimes relaxed and happy. Nobody enjoys eating in a tense atmosphere.

Katie - I think it's fairly common for two-year olds to hate having their food mixed up. It's great that your DS will eat fruit and veg though - long may it last! One thing that it took me a long time to really 'get' is how little toddler tummies are. Often, when we worry that they are not eating enough, they are not eating because they are full up.

I am still continuing my new policy of putting two different veg on the boys' plates every mealtime (I had almost given up offering any). Usually the vegetables come back untouched, but now and again a single sliced carrot is eaten, or a piece of broccoli. It's a start...

I have only just found this thread but I am in! Off to pick up fussy DS from nursery now but will post properly later (after I have fed him something to make up for the inevitable lack of food at nursery all day because they don't serve JUST BANANAS). Grrr.

I cannot tell you how relieved I am to read this thread (so much so that this is the first time, after 4 whole years of lurking on mumsnet, that I have posted myself). Anyway, same story with my DS as with so many here: quite adventurous initially, then a drastic reduction in what he would eat. It got a good deal worse when we moved back to the UK from Oz when he was 2.5 -- he went on a proper and pitiful hunger strike for days, pleading for "mine old [milk/bread/hummus/cereal]". I got so desperate I bought mini chocolate Weetabix and told him they were cookies, as he was still willing to entertain the notion of sugary treats. It worked, but that was honestly the only food he ate, 3 meals a day, for quite some time. He struggled at nursery, where the angelic staff spent hours coaxing him to swallow some yogurt or eat some plain bread. And then suddenly, he got better at nursery. God only knows how, and by that point I was so grateful I wouldn't have cared if they'd gotten him to eat by way of cult indoctrination. Fast forward 18 months and he eats anything nursery gives him, including quite chunky vegetables. But at home, we can only get him to eat 4 things: fish fingers with baked beans and/or peas, spag bol or lasagna if I call it "flat spag bol", toast with Philadelphia cream cheese, or cheese sandwiches. That's it. Travelling or going out someplace that doesn't have one of the above is stressful as he will categorically refuse to eat but then become a grumpy, hungry mess. I take the same approach as so many of you, namely not making an issue of it other than always offering him what DH and I are eating and encouraging him to try it. Every once in a while he surprises us and takes the odd bite. He is healthy and very tall/big for his age, so he's clearly growing. (My now 6ft4 husband allegedly ate only eggs until he was 6, so perhaps the ability to thrive on limited nutrition is genetic.) But it's been incredibly difficult, not least because so many people assume if you have a fussy eater you're coddling him/her or are somehow otherwise responsible. As DS was also an awful sleeper (but otherwise genuinely delightful) I have had my fair share of not-so-subtle digs about both. So THANK YOU, DevonFolk and everyone else, for the reassurance and support.

Ds1 & DS 3 are fussy eaters, ds2 pretty good eater but at any given meal there is always someone who doesn't like/refuses to eat something. It drives me insane. Oh and they are 20, 17 and 14!

I do wonder where I went wrong when they were weaned and toddlers but i did give mostly homemade food and lots of fruit and veg. ( DS 1 will only eat sweetcorn and no fruit) and try not to feel guilty.

Funlovinbunster your post of 5th Jan is sooo true- I have tried all of those over the years and yes, load of bollocks!

Iam comforted by the thought that I am not the only parent with fussy eaters esp of the teenage variety.

Oh, ds3 does respond to bribery- a homemade banoffee pie placed on the table as we eat the first course usually persuades him to clean most of his plate!

In one way I'm glad to see that there are so many others in the same boat, but a bit disheartened that there's no cure!

DD is 3 and a complete nightmare. Like others, she was ebf for 6 months and then we did blw and she ate all sorts. At about 20 months she got a bad tummy bug and really since then just doesnt eat. Its much quicker to list what she will eat so here goes:

• Shreddies with warm milk
• Toast with butter
• Tinned spaghetti hoops or shapes
• Pancakes with apricot jam
• Ellas Kitchen pureed veg pouches, the green, brown or purple one
• Chocolate

She's a sugar junkie and would happily live on chocolate or jellies. Up until recently she ate a lot of fruit, would have had a banana every single day as well as other fruit but since last month wont touch banana at all and other fruits are now hit and miss. The pureed veg pouches cost a small fortune and she just will not try the contents in any other form, has to be those exact pouches. I'm broke trying to just get something decent into her!

Its a bone of contention at home because my DH thinks we should starve her if she was hungry she'd eat etc but we all know thats not the case.

Our son is almost 6 and while not an adventurous eater there are several things he wil eat and its much easier with him.

I just have no idea what to do with dd and its so hard to not get cross or show you're upset.

Can I join?
I am very worried about my ds2 (5)
He has been at school today and eaten....nothing at lunch time. They let him eat nothing from his packed lunch and not even rang me!
He can't/won't tell me why he won't eat.
He had an issue last summer with a really nasty throat infection (pharyngitis) and he stopped eating completely for a few days but then - gradually - ate again albeit a limited range of foods.
I guess my question is...when would you take your dc to the dr about this?
Dr dismiss me because is well built but he hasn't out on any weight for about a year now....
:(
Please help.

Oh, and as others....ate everything when weaned. Then got to age 2 and wham...suddenly started rejecting foods previously enjoyed.

I would take him to the doctor when you're worried, Badvoc - which sounds like right now. If he isn't putting on weight, the dr needs to look into it. See a different doctor if the last one wasn't any help.

When I told a dr how little DS2 ate, she weighed him, discovered he was underweight and was then very concerned. She asked me to come back with him every month so she could keep an eye on him. This is what the dr should be doing with your son if he isn't eating properly. Or it may be that it turns out that he's doing just fine and is within normal weight limits - but at least that should reassure you.

DS2 often comes back with a full lunch box. I don't think school will do anything about it unless you ask them to keep an eye on him.

I have a fruit and veg refusing DS who is 20mo. I puree/mash one meal per day so I know he is getting some vegetables and I add pureed fruit to his breakfast and custard. I give him the odd bit of dried fruit too. we just booked a holiday abroad and will have a kitchen. I was planning on continuing to make a meal for him and puree it, am I crazy? This week alone I have offered him roasted carrots (in honey), steamed carrots, peas, brocolli, turnip, raw carrot, raw pepper, banana (in it's skin, out it's skin, on a spoon, mashed), apple (slices with and without skin, a whole apple with and without skin), clementine, grapes and brussell sprouts. None of them were swallowed, the occasional one made it to the tongue then was spat out so really cannot see this changing overnight.

Hi badvoc!
How often does your ds not eat any lunch? Did he eat some of it when he got home? Maybe they figure with pack lunch you can tell how much he's eaten so no need to call you?

I'd go back to the doc and emphasise he hasn't put on any weight for around a year, just so his weight can be tracked - it's normal for 5yos not to gain weight for a year (I swear ds puts on no weight or height for a year, then grows 4 inches in a fortnight), but at some point it's too long!

Does he happily eat his limited range of food at home? If so, maybe it's something about the dining room at school - too noisy, fiddly to get stuff open, just wants to go out and play instead of eating? Have to admit I was when ds's school explained that kids can go outside to play as soon as they finish eating - not that I think waiting to say grace is crucial but surely children ought to be encouraged to stay and chat for a sensible time rather than to wolf food or claim to be finished just so they get more playtime?

Hi nc! :)
I am livid with the school actually. Ds has since had a temp and is now coughing so is obv not well.
He eats quite happily at home unless ill.
He said yesterday that the smell of the dinner hall upset him (it smells of old cabbage to be fair) but I don't think that was it. I think he felt ill, and the teachers dismissed his distress.
He has always eaten well, albeit a limited selection.
I agree about the playtime thing.
Sigh...

Ironically fruit and veg is something he will eat quite happily!
But no protein at all except yoghurt and cheese :(
It really worries me.
He lost his first tooth today :)

How's it going Badvoc and everyone else?

Teacher says ds is now happily taking a plate with food on each day, and quite often having a couple bites, or more when it's burger or pizza etc. The only times he gets upset are when he asks for no custard and someone on autopilot puts it on his pudding anyway.

So good progress I think - if he adds a food a term that'll be most of the menu by the time he leaves!

My DS is dreadfully fussy...he is 11. He won't eat potato apart from waffes, chips, that sort of thing, mash makes him vomit. He doesn't eat what i call proper meat but likes sausages, burgers, nuggets, all the sort of things that send most MN'ers running for the hills.

He is good with fruit and will eat cucumber, sweetcorn and raw carrot but thats about it as far as veg is concerned.

If I was to make a roast dinner the only thing he would eat would be the yorkshire puddings. He wont eat ham but will eat crappy dinosaur ham.

He frustrates the hell out of me. Every year I promise myself this is going to be the year he will eat a full christmas dinner....and every year, no chance, lol.

I worry about health implications for the future but am trying to be a bit more relaxed.

Found a useful website the other day. www.raisehealthyeaters.com. Haven't had time to read through much of it but was struck by her approach to choosing what to serve, always including something she knows the child likes, but not stressing about what/how much he eats.

There is an article on that website Digga mentions which discusses 'selective eaters' and says these need to be treated differently from 'picky eaters'. It's all very well trying to be relaxed about your child's fussy eating, but it's important to also be aware that some children need extra help.

My eldest falls into this category and I'm worried that my youngest may be verging on it too. He won't eat at friends' houses, even if they make the same thing he has at home, and he often won't touch his school lunchbox (complains about smelly food hall, etc). It's all very worrying.

Another good one (linked from the Healthy Eaters site):

"1. Never accept judgement on your parenting ability based solely on the appetites of others, and

1. You are not alone."

mealtimehostage.wordpress.com/2012/10/16/beyond-picky-you-are-not-alone/

That's a really interesting post, Digga. Thank you for linking it.

I've noticed that DS2 simply won't eat at school or at friend's houses - even if it's food that he likes. So it's not the food in that situation - it's the environment. It must be anxiety.

He is on his second pizza at the moment. It's a pre-made pizza, but I added his favourite homemade pasta sauce (full of veg), ham and pineapple. It makes me so happy to see him eat and enjoy his food because it doesn't happen often enough.

This is brilliant, thank you so much for this thread.
My DD is 9 and has a limited list of what she will eat (luckily most of it is raw veg).
People have no idea whatsoever what it's like and I have heard all the " don't offer alternatives, don't make a fuss, they won't starve themselves ( age 3 she didn't eat for almost 3 days until I cracked)
I am now totally relaxed about it - why am I stressing that she won't eat slag Bol when she eats raw carrots happily?
Her main issues are mixing foods together, food touching other food and certain textures.
I happily make her her own food while we eat " normal " food as long as her diet is balanced and she eats multi vits every day.
As other people have said anxiety makes her eat even less and nothing can make her eat when she doesn't want to.
Me and Hubby are total foodies and DS5 eats most things

Hi everyone.
Well, things are worse if anything :(
He has been quite poorly since I last posted with a nasty virus - nit helped by the fact school did nit phone me to tell me he refused all food and drink that day!
He is eating...just not eating the right stuff. If I tell you what he has eaten today will you give me your honest opinion? I am almost at the stage if asking for professional help :(
Today he has had:
Banana
Apple x 2
Strawberries
Toast
Dairylea sandwich
Biscuits
Chocolate
Blueberry muffin
Carrot sticks
He has had water and apple juice to drink.
He is now refusing mashed potato and porridge which he was eating prior to getting ill.
:( :(

Sorry you are so worried, Badvoc. I honestly don't know about your son's food today. He has been ill, so is it possible he is still feeling under the weather? To be honest, I'm quite envious of all the fruit he eats, as my DS2 won't eat any, apart from pineapple (and, occasionally, clementines).

I can see he hasn't eaten any meals, as such, but if you added up all the calories of today's food, I wonder if it would be enough. I actually think it might be. He's had his five a day, plus a bit of protein and some carbohydrates.

Would it make you feel better if I told you what my DS2 (8) ate today? (He has a cold, by the way, so is even more fussy than usual).

Homemade pancakes with maple syrup
Innocent smoothie (apple and mango)
Cheese sandwich
A few Jammie Dodgers
Calypso apple juice (diluted with mineral water)
Chicken nuggets
Ben and Jerry's Cookie Dough ice cream

It's really not great, is it? And yesterday, he told me he didn't like my vegetable sauce for pasta anymore, which is disastrous as I smuggle loads of veg into that.

Is that a typical day badvoc? Cos it looks quite reasonable to me - carbs from toast and muffin and banana, plenty of fruit and veg, bit of fat, some protein from dairylea and in wholemeal bread if it was? Maybe protein is a bit low but how does it look over a week? If you're worried about his weight not going up, muffins and chocolate and biscuits aren't bad either.

For comparison, today ds had hot chocolate (semi-skimmed milk, tiny amount of choc powder), a handful of Cheerios, a wholegrain
bagel with peanut butter, a custard donut, and some pasta and ketchup. Probably a biscuit before bed. I've had to join George Bush on ketchup being a vegetable (it wasn't even the low-sugar/salt version today as we ran out). Usually there's a yoghurt or banana or smoothie and not the donut, and cheese on toast instead of pasta, but the rest of us were having pasta.

Thanks guys.
I don't know if it's just me worrying over nothing...it's been a very very rough few months for us (family bereavement and my own ill health and now another close family member is dying) so I don't know if I am over reacting?
I don't want to take him to a dr and be laughed out of the room!
NC...my ds1 would agree with you about tomato ketchup being a vegetable! :)
Ds1 was a bit fussy too at this age but at least he ate meat and fish (albeit in nugget and finger form)
I do worry about ds2 though...he has been ill so much in the past year - he was dx as asthmatic In April last year and has had lots if viruses since then - but I keep telling myself he had just started reception so he is bound to pick everything up - right? :(
Thanks again for the replies x