Is anyone up for a parents of fussy eaters support thread?

[DevonFolk]

My three year old is very picky. I've made a promise to myself not to get too worried about it just yet because I was exactly the same and now I'll eat pretty much anything.

But it just gets so boring! If I do a roast I'm lucky if she picks at the chicken and I have to make sure I do brocolli or cauliflower (the only cooked vegetables she'll eat) and keep out raw carrots for her. There's pretty much no meal that I would want to cook for myself that I know she will eat too.

I'm not going to push it with her because I just don't see the point. She's encouraged to try new things and we talk about it a lot. If she tries something I praise her but if she doesn't like it, fine. To me it's the willingness to try at this stage that's important.

I'm sure I can't be the only one who experiences this. Like I say, I'm not going to get hung up on it or try to find an instant magic solution, it would just be nice to know I'm not alone!

wingdings that does sound stressful! Though that's not a bad list of food - maybe half the time have a meal of rice/pasta plus fish/chicken and the sauce and veg separate, and half the time she can have a sandwich if she doesn't want what you have?

I think there's a lot to be said for the regular meal menus and limited selection of our parents' generation, helping kids get more familiar with certain foods and not actually being a problem later. They don't need to like sushi and curry and trifle age 3, no previous generation would have. I think ds would cope better with the school dinners I had, no choice except for size of portion - they have 3 hot meals, salad, snack items, and it's overwhelming for Reception kids without food issues!

(Just repeated daily mantra to ds: peanut butter and bagels happens ONCE a day only...)

Hello folks,
Reading this thread and feeling your pain.
Some Dr and HV child / food myths that my DD and I should like to dismiss..

1. They will eat it if they grow it.

Last year we grew tomatoes. DD refused to even lick one.

1. They will eat it if they cook it themselves.

HAHAHAHA. Bollocks.

1. They will eat it if they see you eat it.

HAHAHAHA. Bollocks.

1. They have to try a food 16 times before deciding whether or not they like it.

Bollocks. If I try something and hate it why would I want to try it another 15 times???

1. Put them next to a "good" eater. They will improve.

Bollocks.

1. And.. My favourite...a child will never starve themselves. They have a survival instinct.

Bollocks. Charles Darwin clearly never met my DD who would rather starve than eat. I'm so please that my friends have such lovely fast, non fussy eaters. They can all fuck off. BECAUSE MY CHILD SLEEPS.

Oh goodness, this is hell for so many people but I'm sorry FunLovin I did laugh! It's so true. People trot out all this bollocks because they've never had to deal with it. It's like the child experts who haven't had children (yes Gina Ford I'm looking at you) or those whose children stay glued to their side advising those who have runners. If you don't know what it's like, keep quiet!

A couple of things I've tried have included chucking a block of frozen chopped spinach in when cooking pasta to be served with pesto because she can't see it. This all fell apart when she decided pesto is the work of the devil (that really pissed me off because for ages it was my go-to meal when there was nothing else in the house).

I've also tried doing main meal at lunch time because tiredness and having to eat in the evening proved unbearable. This doesn't always work though because we're often out and about during the day so sandwiches are so much easier.

Does anyone else find meal planning a nightmare? I never know what to cook or prepare in advance because so much depends on the sort of mood she's in.

Jungle DD eats the food they grow at pre-school and she's been known to eat otherwise deadly foods at a friend's house. She even tells me she's done it but will point blank refuse at home. I'm certain there's a huge element of control with some of them.

At least ds is consistent - he doesn't eat any wider range at nursery or now school nor friend's houses (though his table manners are apparently much better at all those...)
It can't be that rare to be as scared of foods as he is, but to hear school and previously nursery go on... had a teacher collar me near the end of last term to tell me I was wasting my money on school lunches and it would be much better to give him packed lunch. I told her no way, he's more likely to try a different food at lunchtime and it means he can relax at home with a meal he will eat, and I was quite happy to pay to give him the social experience of eating with others, some new foods, predictable menu, and make it clear that it's not nasty mummy not letting him eat bread and peanut butter twice every day. I asked them to ensure they just let him get on with it and didn't make any big thing about what he did or didn't eat.

Oh no, she said, we never make any fuss about what he eats.
So why are you having this conversation with me when he's standing right next to me? Grrr....

NotCitrus that's a really sensible attitude and approach to school lunches. I'm a primary teacher and we often find it really difficult when children come to us and say that they've been given sandwiches they don't like. They're often told that they wouldn't have been given it if they didn't like it, but maybe we just haven't been told by the parents of eating issues that the child has.

I've just checked in to wish everyone luck with going back to school and having the packed lunch/school lunch battle. I've just put DD's packed lunch together and it's pretty much the same as every other packed lunch I've ever made her. Safe food that I know she'll eat. She's only at pre-school two days a week so at the moment it's not too bad that it's the same every time but I do worry about when she starts school. Do I make her have school lunches and know she'll come home hungry or do I give her the same thing five day a week and then a predictable main meal in the evening?

I have to give my ds the same pack up everyday. Yesterday he cupped my face in his hands and asked me what he was having in his pack up this term. I told him exactly the same as last term - jam on a wholemeal bap, star crisps, cheese chunks, two pieces of fruit and maybe a small piece of cake if we bake. The relief on his face.....

Last night I took sausages out of the skin, mashed them up with a fork and put them in a casserole dish to look different. We don't eat potatoes as ds is intolerant so I spent bloody ages grating carrots, swede and a tiny bit of parsnip to make vegetable rosti. Served it with fresh bread.

After an hour dd had only eaten sausage. Ds had not eaten anything except bread and butter.

Devon I'd stick to a routine as much as possible when dd starts school - they all seem to find it a bit overwhelming and want as much security as possible.
If that means the same dinner most days, so be it.

I think I find it easier to deal with as ds is incredibly like me as a child, so when nursery were saying they'd never met s child like him and asking for advice, I could tell them I'd been a child like him. I ate more but was more stubborn than many adults could cope with - I changed school age 7 and everyone said I would make friends and like it soon. I kept telling them I hated it and refused to talk to anyone - and kept it up for over a year until my next teacher worked really hard with me. My dns are a year older than ds - when BIL suggests just waiting for a sit-down protest on the pavement to end and I say it gets boring after 90 minutes, he says it works if your first step is to start with a different child.

I grew up quite reasonable and charming eventually. :-)

Just the thread I needed!

DS1 (3 years) is insanely fussy too. He was great as a baby eating all kinds of nasty mush combinations that I gave him. After I went back to work at 6 months his repertoire decreased and he gave up interesting foods and textures.

I now have a DS2 (4 months) and am terrified that I'll have 2 eating the same. My hope was BLW with baby would encourage DS1 to try things too. I'm off for a year this time so was hoping to help DS1 during my leave.

Currently we do picnic days where I put lots of things out for him to refuse try.

Would love to know what a dietician suggests

I had anxious comments from DS2 about pack lunches this morning too. He is in Year 5 and is having ham and cheese sandwiches this year (previously he had cheese sarnies every day from Reception to Year 3, before branching out to ham in Year 4).

He does have an apple every day too (the one acceptable fruit) so it's not a bad lunch. Just so boring (and the conversation with DS1 is about which soup he fancies, or whether I should open a tin of salmon or sardines...)

One reason I don't want ds to go to packed lunches, apart from my own laziness, is that his whole year will get free school lunch from September, which means the only kids who will have packed lunch would be those given them because they want different food to the school food, so are either very fussy or just demanding and the parents give in, and ones with such serious allergies or strict diets that they can't have mainstream canteen meals - and ds doesn't need to be getting ideas from either of them!

It's only a small group on the packed lunch table as it is, as half the school are on FSM already and most of the rest have even less time than money.

In some ways it would have been easier when I was a kid and we didn't have freezers or much storage space, because ds can understand "There is no X" whereas if I tell him he can't have X because he's already had it that day, it becomes "There's X in the fridge and YOU'RE NOT LETTING ME EAT IT!" We go out a lot with packed lunches because ds will eat/drink more things when there's no alternative at all.

I know exactly what you mean NotCitrus. I think the dc eat better in summer as they can't ask for some random thing. We either have it with us or we don't.
Today evening meal was sweetcorn pancakes with raw pepper on the side. Dc1 loved pancakes wit (with lemon juice, yuk) barely touched peppers. Ds2 the opposite. Sigh..

Aaaaaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrggggghhhhhhhh!!! So now brocolli is out apparently. Tried for the last two evenings and suddenly she won't touch it. It's been the only reliable cooked vegetable in the repertoire Maybe she's read this thread

That's a really good point NotCitrus. I'll have to find out what they do about lunches at the school she's going to. I know they don't have a kitchen but I think they get the meals brought in from a nearby school.

DS currently eating a roll with butter on it for his lunch. He picked the cheese out and the tomatoes have been given to his baby sister...

Joining this thread in relief! DS1 is 4 next month & will eat:
Baked beans
Toast
Bran flakes
Fish fingers
Sausages (as long as the skin isn't visible)
Apples
Yogurts

That's pretty much it (apart from sweets, crisps, chocolate etc)

Won't try anything new. He's healthy & energetic but I am at my wits end.

Just remembered that my brother used to have ham and pickle sandwich every day for a long time, at least a year, at primary school. But it was just a phase. I'd have gone spare if I'd been my Mum!

DS will only eat:
Macaroni cheese - but nothing else with pasta (except blooming Harvester - take it home with us, won't eat it!)

Homemade pizza (tomato, mushrooms and sweetcorn sneak past the radar on this!)

Veggie sausages, potato waffles, Baked beans, cheese, toast,

Mushroom risotto (if he's in the mood)

Most days insists on soft fruit in his cereal or he won't eat it.

Oh and one sneaky winner is "cake" made with sultanas, dates, apples and carrot (no sugar. Thinking of investigating more vegetabley sausages or other vegetable based cakes...

Well this morning my middle child decided that she no longer eats toast. Toast??? What the hell is so offensive about toast????

Marking my place. I have two fussy, underweight children (8 and 14). Actually, it would be fairer to say that the younger one is fussy and the older one likes all sorts of food, but eats a tiny amount.

I am continuing to offer them healthy food and am trying not to show that I care whether they eat all their food or not, which has had some results.

It's all very wearing!

Am arriving late to the party.

DS (6) has always been a fussy resistant eater. When he was 3, he only ate 6 different foods. He also has a tendency to drop foods that he has eaten in the past and refuses to eat ever again.

At the moment he eats for dinner: fish fingers and chips, sausages and chips or chicken dippers and chips. All with copious amount of tomato ketchup. No veg. At all. The rest of the time he will eat baguette with butter, chapatti with butter, bread with butter, pancakes with sugar and lemon. Crisps. Jammy dodgers. Special K , Cheerios. Ice-cream. So basically, dry, beige food carbs.

His only saving grace is he likes strawberries (although very expensive at the moment) and recently has started eating satsumas, kiwi fruit and stewed apples and plums.

I worry that he is not getting enough calcium and iron. . I can't not give him alternatives if he does not eat because he has low blood sugar and he ends up having out of control meltdowns. So I do offer alternatives as its not fair on him.

School have said that they are going to have a go at trying to get him to try a small amount of new food before he gets to eat what he wants (apparently he eats bread and butter for school dinners).

. Obviously arrived way too late to this party. I have killed the thread!

Small breakthrough here - got ds to try a fruit tube tonight, which he used to eat loads of. He even demanded a second which I said he could as a special treat. He told me it was nice and not like the one he had once last summer which had a BIT in it.

So at least we can get.some fruit into him!! To be fair he likes smoothies in individual cartons which cost a fortune. The same stuff in litre cartons tastes different, apparently.

He's fascinated by experiments atm so I suggested we experiment to make a smoothie exactly the colour we wanted. He decided yellow would be good and was excited about the idea of mango with some banana and pineapple to be exactly right shade. I give it 99 to 1 that he won't drink any of the concoctions when we try it, but you never know...

Today DS's granny cooked a lovely big family meal. DS ate a bowl of quorn chicken pieces. And generously distributed any veg to me or DP. But he saved my blushes by eating a load of sugar-free carrot and fruit cake...

Interesting to read that link to the supertasters experiment, lesshaste. My older son is a supertaster (he was tested at school) and I suspect DS2 might be as well.

I think the important thing is not to give up offering a variety of food to our fussy children. (And I say that as someone who has given up many times and lost all enthusiasm for cooking). I'm not giving my children the option to change if I don't continue to offer different food. Vegetables are not a favourite for either child at the moment so I'm offering them a choice of vegetables with every meal, but acting indifferent as to whether they eat them or not. I just say, "Eat as much, or as little, as you want" and then focus on having a nice chat with them, rather than on how much they're eating. I am tougher about not letting them fill up on snacks later though and have told them they can only have fruit if they don't eat their main meal (although they do get a hot chocolate at bedtime because they need the calories).

I have tried reward charts for healthy eating (recommended by my dr) and they didn't work.

I'm also trying hard to do lots of fun activities around food with my younger son (8). He enjoys cooking with me and often tries a bit of the ingredients when he thinks I'm not looking. He particularly likes making pizza faces. I have just ordered this plate, as I think it'll be a good way to get him to focus on having fun with food, rather than getting stressed by it and feeling under pressure to eat.

I have mentioned this book so often on MN recently that MNHQ will think I'm on commission - but it has some good tips in it and has helped me to understand that I'm responsible for putting good, healthy food on the table, but I can't make the children eat.