Page 5 | Are faddy eaters born or made?

morningpaper · 27/04/2006 18:52

Williamsmummy It's very frustrating because you seem to believe that our children don't really exist!

Mine will not eat, but if she is hungry during the day then she has tantrums/is lethargic/cries a lot and if she is tired at night then she wakes up all the time. We recently went away for a few days and I took a loaf of granary bread and that was ALL she ate for three days. She just drinks water - won't touch juices or milk.

Today she was at nursery from 8am until 5pm (she does 2 long days) and during that time was offered three meals and two snacks and sat down at table with the other children. During that period she ate one spoonful of cottage pie. According to your theory she should surely be tucking in with all the other children? Or are nursery doing it all wrong as well as me?

zippitippitoes · 27/04/2006 19:10

I shall now wait for the brickbats

but ds has been a weekly boarder since 11 and so has what is on offer or nothing..it makes no difference what so ever. He is skinny and underweight and had me for two years when he was about 7.

Everyone can say how delicious something is but there are still a lot of foods he has never had..it is a fact that he has his own mind on this and always has.

iota · 27/04/2006 19:27

mp - your dd sounds as stubborn as my ds1 - when we went on holiday he lived for a week on pear, bread roll and plain yoghurt - he wouldn't eat anything from the extensive hotel buffet.

Kittypickle · 27/04/2006 19:34

Born. DD has been a nightmare to feed since the second she was born. Finally (she's 7 now) I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. Apparently all DH's family have been a nightmare with food when they were small and several of them are vegetarians (including DH) - not on ethical issues but because they hate the texture of meat.

DS is the complete opposite. He is going through that toddler phase where they try to extert control but I'm ignoring that and I'm sure he'll come out the other side.

williamsmummy · 27/04/2006 19:55

Iota
i like the fact that your child will wait until the next meal to eat. Sounds normal and ok to me.
My son has done this many times, but will eat well for the next meal, and the next.
Missing the odd meal is OK so why worry?

However I would play it very cool/careful over the separate food thingy. How old is your child?
How do you serve his food? Do you serve it seperate or let him sort it all out?

Morningpaper
Lots of children have a drop in blood sugar levels , again normal. ( worry is when they get past the hunger pangs and miss more than one meal on the trot)
I am glad that the bread and water diet was short term only!!
AS for nursery food why would a child who is adjusting to new routines , constant change of staff feel relaxed enough to eat? Esp if your child finds food a chore rather than a pleasure.
And dont think that nursery food is fanstatic, many a day nursery shepards pie has a instant potato topping , and more tomato than meat.

the trick to make a note of low sugar times, and sleep patterns also a note of three days eating pattern.
look at the lot, plan day accordingly.
A child of 21/2 -3 onwards can understand that this snack / food is the only choice until the next meal etc
Some children learn quickly that if they refuse to eat a meal, a parent might magically produce something nicer.
This parent did that twice and realised her mistake, and never did it again.
I refuse to replace a decent meal with a chocolate biscuit. if they are always going to undereat, they are going to have to eat something more substantial. Thats why at even 10 yrs old my son does not have crisps often in his packed lunch. As he would eat the crisps and ignore the sandwich and yogurt.

As I said earlier my son lived on tablespoons of food for a long time. ( I kept a record)He loves unhealthy stuff as well, and i am not a food freak,( again I am not into organic stuff, many of that child aimed stuff is not something that my child could safely eat)
a little of everything has always been placed before him.
It did take a long time, but I am grateful, a child who eats a varied balanced diet is healthier long term.
Our family food restrictions are only the allergy ones, and every single thing is given, served, and tasted . celeriac is something that has been rejected, by family vote!!

Again I say its how you respond to food refusal which is the key.

zippitippitoes · 27/04/2006 19:59

you've confused me entirely now williamsmummy!

williamsmummy · 27/04/2006 20:01

alex8, sorry I didnt respond.
so here goes, how old is your child? is he underweight? does he run out of energy?

no? well carry on, it will pay of in the end.

morningpaper · 27/04/2006 20:05

Williamsmummy she's been at this nursery for 3 years and there IS no high staff turnover (in fact today she was looked after by the woman who was her key-carer when she started three years ago, ahh!); the food is all local, organic and freshly cooked.

She enjoys nursery which is why she is there for two long days, because she whinges that she wants to be there for longer because apparently I am boring. :)

A normal day for her is dry cornflakes for breakfast, dry slice of bread at lunchtime, something "substantial" for tea in which I will include something I know she will eat, because otherwise she will eat nothing (today she ate 4 meatballs, from a dinner of broccoli, pasta and meatballs). Tomorrow will be exactly the same.

williamsmummy · 27/04/2006 20:18

morningpaper , if she has enough energy to demand extra days than she must be healthy on this. Whats her weight and height?
dry food eating is not unheard of. Whats her calorie intake? do you give her the same food every day? And if you do , how long have you been doing this?

A child doenst have to eat at nursery because she knows as soon as she gets home mummy will give her the foods she will eat. Eating anyway interupts a good time playing.

I would serve her the same adult food that you have every day. ( within reason, a chilli or curry is a bit heavy!)
Dont get me wrong I always respect a childs real dislikes, but attitudes to food that put at risk general health are something that needs advice from a professional. I have asked for help in the past, got the advice and used my common sense.
I am the adult in charge of my childrens diet, they have a choice of the food I provide. Full stop. i am sure you are doing the same.

zippitippitoes · 27/04/2006 20:23

you can offer as much as you like but it doesn't mean they accept

zippitippitoes · 27/04/2006 20:24

it also doesn't mean they are healthy

ds has has recently had gastric problems..it hasn't changed his eating

williamsmummy · 27/04/2006 20:29

hmmm.....of course not,.................. I see,............... my method would mean a child would die of starvation!! LOL

Someone strike me of from my NNEB , never employ me to bring up anyones children, someone inform social services, take my children away. I am evil!!
Am laughing now, am going to scrub clean the lamb stew and bananna and custard of my kitchen table.

morningpaper · 27/04/2006 20:49

williamsmummy we have been to various professionals but they can find nothing wrong with her

She is offered whatever she wants for breakfast - we have a cupboard full of various cereals. She has lunch with me - soup and a sandwich. She picks off everything apart from the bread and eats that. For dinner I always cook one thing that I know she will eat because otherwise she will sleep badly. The rest of the plate is whatever we are eating.

she likes the same. thing. every. day.

She is just under the 0.4th percentile for weight and height

On the plus side it means we rarely have to buy new clothes

On the down side her baby sister is rapidly catching up with her which is going to piss her off mightily

morningpaper · 27/04/2006 20:56

TBH it doesn't really bother me

It just annoys me when other mums raise their eyebrows when I say "I'm sorry, she won't eat that" if offered food e.g. at a picnic or whatever

and I feel mean when I get out her 'picnic' of dry bread and water :)

it's not like she lives int he cupboard under the stairs or anything

there are certain other things she will eat (spaghetti bolognaise, as long as NO DANGEROUS LUMPS of veg / sausage (she will peel off the skin) / boiled potato / grated cheese / kidney beans) so she isn't totally bread dependent

I'm sure she'll be completely different when she's older

Saggarmakersbottomknocker · 27/04/2006 21:04

Don't hold your breath Mp....dd is 12 and she's still the same. Chicken or tuna, bread, milk and water, weetabix.......

morningpaper · 27/04/2006 21:06

hehe by that time she'll be really pissed off at having to wear her younger sister's cast-offs!

zippitippitoes · 27/04/2006 21:09

lol we do have ds food which other people eat and then he goes hungry....clearly not impossible but still not healthy

Bugsy2 · 27/04/2006 21:14

Those of you with children still at nursery, I really wouldn't worry at this stage. It took me 4 years to get DS eating a balanced diet. I think you have to use multiple different strategies & be prepared to "lose" over & over again. It used to make me feel ill sometimes when I would scrape uneaten lovingly prepared food into the bin, but by keeping it non-confrontational & making him feel like "Mr Bloody Fantastic" for the tiniest of achievements, we got there. He still does not like vegetables and would never actively choose to eat them, but he will.
Please don't give up hope all of you with little ones & don't give up trying. It is so worth it.

Blu · 27/04/2006 21:28

Well it works for you Williamsmummy and it works for lots of children.
But if anyone tells you it doesn't work for their children, are you calling them a liar?

Everyone says 'they won't starve' - and when DS was tiny, he didn't put on any weight at all for the first 4 months he was at nursery because he would not drink from a bottle. at all.

All children do eat some basic staple food, but all children are different. they experience tastes differently, like adults do. And there is research which explains the sudden onset of vegetable suspicion at about 2. Then later, much later, they revert to what we think of as our usual adult diet.

Actually, my DS does eat a reasonable selection of stuff, not in huge volume, and it is patchy, but the tone of some of this discussion veers between how 'macho' / efficient / effective some of you are in standing no nonsense in a way that implies that all other parents of 'fussy' eaters are indulgent wimps (yes, some may be...but not all), or how wonderful your children are in thier superior and diverse tastes.

Saggarmakersbottomknocker · 27/04/2006 21:30

Hello Blu! - it's me, Potty! how 'ya doing?

blueshoes · 27/04/2006 22:15

lol, Blu. Call me a wimp but I couldn't be arsed to count calories and weigh my dd or stand firm on not offering an occasional treat. Eating is ultimately for enjoyment, not a power struggle. I am confident my dd will enjoy more foods consistently as she gets older.

TravelFiend · 29/04/2006 20:00

BORN BORN BORN!!!

Morning Paper I really feel for you!

My DD will eat various things of her choice no problem and this probably represents a balanced diet. But she won´t often eat them at the time when I´ve prepared and served them up to her. So far, I´ve always bulk cooked and frozen small portions so the waste is not too upsetting.

Now she´s getting older I´m putting my foot down. This week she has had nothing but breakfast cereal in the morning and her bottle of milk at bedtime. She completely refused all other food until day 4 (tonight at 6pm). Then she got a small banana "reward" afterwards. As Morning Paper said (I think; there are so many posts here only had a quick skim through) the problem with this method is sleeping problems etc. I have also had an awful week worrying if she will have tantrums because she´s hungry so we haven´t been anywhere too far from home just in case. This is the only way forward I can see in the longterm. But isn´t this method extreme?

DD will also refuse all food, all day, if on holidays or in any kind of unknown situation, even in a restaurant. I´ve worked damn hard preparing a healthy diet and no junk food, crisps, chocolate or sweets have passed her lips (although she´s probably spit them out anyway!) Noone can tell me that she´s been spoiled in any way or indulged. She was definitely born a faddy eater.

Something else I´ve noticed, what you may consider a picky eater is what other mums consider to be a good eater! Everything is relative!

Anyone out there recommmend a book re young children and improving eating habits?

zippitrippitoes · 29/04/2006 20:03

i think some children have a strong survival instinct which means they refuse food and especially in unknown situations

TravelFiend · 29/04/2006 20:05

I could understand that but it is still ME feeding her. Why should a new situation upset her so much?

zippitrippitoes · 29/04/2006 20:11

i don't know how old she is but some children develop very distinct behaviour patterns vis a vis routines early on and react like that to change