I am fed up of being made to feel like a bad mother...

[fedupofgoody2shoes]

on MN. Most of the time I oove it but recently there have been far too many gasps and rolling eyes (well if we could see each others eyes that is).

Yes - I breastfed and will do again
I use disposable nappies
I used a mixture of homemade food and jars when weaning
I have a freezer with readymeals in it as well as home made meals
My kids have crisps and biscuits

I will never use washable nappies (I have a life)
I will never breastfeed and my bottle fed kids are healthier than some kids I know who were breastfed until they were 2.5. My kids have no allergies at all and that includes ezcema, asthma etc.

Please - give us mums who choose alternative ways a break and stop all this goody 2 shoes attitude with people. there is no need to look down your noses. Not everyone has time to spend washing nappies and cooking all day. Some of us have full time jobs, school runs, house to keep, dancing and swimming lessons, and some people don't take to breastfeeding. If powder milk was so bad they wouldn't sell it!

Please stop making people feel so judged (not all of MN is like this but there are a select few!)

So she says. The big fat liar!

How does anyone "make" anyone else feel anything?

Well, you start with a few black candles, a couple of bats wings and a frog.....

Sorry, in a funny mood tonight!

Ah. Will get the chalk out for the circle then.

But honestly, and ffs and fgs and bloody hell and rolling eyes and sigh and ffs again, get over it. You makes your choices, you takes your chances - live with it.

Frannykenstein, being judgemental about my comments are you? I am simply fed up of people pretending to be perfect parents on here when we all know their not - nowhere near. It's incredibly two-faced. These are the people who won't take any flak themselves. As someone else said, it's the lack of sense of humour that identifies them. No-one is perfect and occasionally I really want to parp but generally what does it matter whether or not someone breastfeeds, uses disposables or whatever. As long as everyone is happy and healthy

Rhubarb I didn't realise you've seen me in the flesh.

The problem is its okay to have opinions, as long as they arent opposing ones for some people. Sense of humour is the difference i think. So i say ....... and follow the majority

Ooh, has this thing kicked off yet?

It's the "made to feel guilty" bit that I really don't understand.

So you didn't do what you wanted to do, and some people did. That's life. So you did what you wanted to and other people say it's not good enough. Tell them to bog off.

Gah.

That's the bit that riled me. "Made to feel guilty?" How old are you? Who is responsible for your feelings? A bunch of hairy arsed truckers on the other end of a computer screen? Why on earth should you care what anyone else thinks, if you're happy and confident in your own choices? No one can "make" you feel guilty, as has already been said (isn't Eleanor Roosevelt annoying, she just keeps on popping up).

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I judge people all the time - of course I do - well, I form opinions based upon previous experience. Everyone does. It's what you do with those judgements that counts - and whether you're prepared to change your opinion of somebody if new information presents itself.

But if you never made any kind of distinction between people at all, you'd have a very confusing, unfulfilled life...IMO.

I am baddy1trainer

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I getcha, Pruni. It's like the last card in a failed argument - akin to calling someone some kind of "ist" - racist, sexist, ageist, etc, etc.

I used to have a flatmate who said that we were all just picking on him because he was black. Er, no, we were picking on him because he was constantly on the scrounge, told enormous lies about family members dying to get sympathy, was totally antisocial to live with (didn't wash, didn't pay towards bills, got roaring drunk and was violent, etc) - but in his eyes, it was because he was black. FGS!

I think you're a judgementalist

Oh, God, Caligula, you're right!

I feel really, really guilty now (well, you made me, really).

I never noticed I was of the judgementalist persuasion. I will wear a hair shirt and beat myself with twigs.

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There's an impossible double jeopardy thing here, for those of us who do spend our days beating lentils into a pulp and then weaving them into nappies.

If we discuss this ("What kind of stone should I use for beating the lentils?"), we're being smug or even (according to someone on this thread) lying !

If we can't discuss this, then that kind of negates the point of logging onto a discussion board, surely?

My own view on the subject is that I do what I do and I'm not going to take on responsibility for other people's feelings about it. Life is waaay too short.

(Oh, forgot, I don't have a life of course! Silly me )

Yes, logic, but, it seems like, for some people on the site, it's only acceptable to have a 'slack mum' sort of attitude. It's like WellieMum says, if we try to discuss organic food or whatever, we just get slated for being holier than thou, or, as 2 people have now suggested, lying. (why on earth would we lie to impress strangers on a website, ffs?)

Why is it ok for someone to say "Ho ho, I'm such a crap mum, my children had crisps for dinner," and not ok for me to say "Well, I am trying really hard to give ds only healthy stuff, and I don't give him crisps."?

The former is seen as funny and acceptable, but that latter is sanctimonious and bragging. Why? Do people who agree with the original poster only feel comfortable talking to one type of parent, hence the "we don't like hippy pc-types invading our site" comment?

Wonder why fedup hasn't posted since her original comment?

ooh the hippy pc types have taken over the thread. yay! (fedup and others: note that no-one has said anything about what other people "should" be doing)

now I can get back to my nappy-knitting.

frannyk, I think the thing is, the slack mum attitude makes other people feel better. If you don't give as much rubbish as a slack mum, you can feel superior. If you give more rubbish than a mum who talks about trying hard, then you feel inferior.

For example, I don't do washable nappies, but I respect people who do, and I honestly think I should do washables. I'm just too lazy.

But it's easier to mock the washables folk for not having lives or for being hippies, than to say "I should do that, but I'm not."

I honestly believe everyone does the best they can with what they've got, and it's not worth feeling superior or inferior about any of it. It is sometimes worth thinking about what we do, to see if we could do better - by our own standards and beliefs, not by anyone else's.

Its when people actually judge that gets me, not what they do. If they are able to do all the things advised and have a life thats fantastic if they do things the best way possible in their circumsatnces thats fantastic....but judging that your way is better than others especially when they don't even know them doesn't upset me just winds the heil up out of me.

Because basically I think that occasionally it's ok (and fun) to have crisps with your dinner and for people to say 'ooh I would never do that, that's abuse' is ridiculous and they deserve to be mocked.

I remember one occasion when a load of us went out for lunch with the kids and we all let the kids have the fishfingers and chips from the menu - apart from one couple who brought their child homemade pie in a little pot and the poor kid had to eat it and watch all the other kids having ketchup. He was so left out, I felt really sorry for him. I suppose the point of my ramble is that there is a time and place for being perfect but it's important to lighten up a bit too! I don't care about people weaving their own nappies, good luck to them but don't judge me for not doing it.