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Juno - well that was bloody good wasn't it?

46 replies

S1ur · 27/08/2008 00:33

And the lead was excellent, though played waaay older than 16, nevertheless, very good.

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S1ur · 27/08/2008 01:43

Oh and play her 'anything else but you' and tell her you lurve her natch

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Pan · 27/08/2008 01:44

thought so. It's hard to do though!! Need more practice at it. Thanks.

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Pan · 27/08/2008 01:45

Slur -that ain't playin' it cool!!

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purpleduck · 27/08/2008 01:45

Changes her mind about what..?
Shoes..?
Outfit to wear...?
Sex...?

Badgering will probably do nothing, playing it too cool may look like you don't care..

I think just letting her know you respect her feelings, and that you have an ear if she needs to bend it.

Pan are you male..? If not I have just seriously gave you a load ...

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Pan · 27/08/2008 01:48

yes, male!!

alot of things. >

playing it cool CO~ULD give that 'careless' thing which is sooo far from the truth. But badgering is a sure-fire way to irritate someone, n'est-ce pas?

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S1ur · 27/08/2008 01:49

Damn, hands back cool points.



I change my mind and sometimes it bugs me if I'm pushed about my inner thought processes. But a quick opportunity to share covers bases, a brush off means stop asking.

IYSWIM?

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Pan · 27/08/2008 01:54

Er...yeah.. course I do Slur..........

we have been very close for quite a while, and maybe I'm just seeing more of her nature than before, and this is just part of it. Hey-ho. Will do the cool thing. Under heavy duress.

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purpleduck · 27/08/2008 01:54

Slur, I concur
I hate to be badgered..I will talk when I am ready...!! Its lovely when someone REALLY listens, and doesn't try to fix it..sometimes all we women need to to be able to talk and be heard.

Don't badger, let her know you care, but give her space..

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Pan · 27/08/2008 01:56

I have simply forgotten how hard work this relationship malarky can be.

I do listen, and REALLY try to not do the men's "fixing it" thing.

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purpleduck · 27/08/2008 02:04

Well, I think you sound lovely for being so worried about it. But if it is a new relationship, and you worry too much, it may put her off.

SO...
Worry in secret, be outwardly cool, but yet still approaschable and caring...
Voila! Easy!

Just kidding..

What did she change her mind about? (if you don't mind saying)

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S1ur · 27/08/2008 02:05

Oh dear, I am a woman honest, but I am the one who does the 'fixing' thing, it annoys me when I can't just y'know sort it out!

But that said, changing your mind about things without explanation is just too broad to analyse generally. It has to be a case by case basis really.

Sometimes I do that because I have a lot going through my head and cannot be bothered to explain the ins and outs of decsion process, other times its a 'statement' (note those are the ones where you have to pick up and act on) other times its just random changing of mind.

FFS did someone say it had to be easy??

OOOOh though new interest? Spill goss please, new relationships are fraught but also lovely.

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Pan · 27/08/2008 02:10

oh, plans, when she comes over to stay, just really simple stuff that was effortless previously now gets shrouded in uncertainty. I get a leetle bit concerned that she may be getting 'too involved' than she is comfortable with right now, and wishes to stand back. Which really would be fine. It's just left speculating and 'being cool' that's a bit of a pain. But cool it will be! Cheers.

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purpleduck · 27/08/2008 02:13

not "approaschable" in my last post - I haven't been drinking!!!!

Agree once again with Slur, changed decisions should be looked at case by case..I mean, maybe she feels rubbish, is worried, has nothing to wear,...many many things that have nothing to do with you..

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Pan · 27/08/2008 02:13

She's a friend until this summer, and we went on hols together and wham! it was brilliant for us both - tried to be more distant on return but failed miserably, thankfully. She is also French, so it may also be a culture thing.

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S1ur · 27/08/2008 02:15

Oh, that's a bit hard actually.

I would still say play it cool. But I sympathise, maybe she just needs a chance to decide herself that she wants to be with you more committedly. It is rough for you though.

Why not try seeming to have a very active social life which you are willing to change instantly for her but that you are therefore not at all needy.

Oh and def don't play her the song I said earlier that would not be cool. Wrong End of Stick there.

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Pan · 27/08/2008 02:17

yes Slur - I think she lives in her head alot, and makes decisions that she genuinely thinks she has mentioned, but in reality not so. I would HATE to appear to be an emotional bully, so Ice Cool Pan it will have to be.

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S1ur · 27/08/2008 02:21

Well maybe Ice cool but with Warm Centre Pan?

A bit like a microwaved pizza?

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purpleduck · 27/08/2008 02:21

I think, if it happens a few times, then give her space...If she does it too much, then have a back up plan so you are not feeling crummy about it.

But if its only been a few weeks, then maybe she needs time to adjust.

I kinda think honesty may be called for..
"I like you, I enjoy spending time with you, and I appreciate that you may want to go slow..but could you give me more notice if you decide you don't want to come over.. etc"

Start as you mean to go on...

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Pan · 27/08/2008 02:22

Ha!! I'll work on that analogy!!

thanks to you two, and g'night.

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Pan · 27/08/2008 02:23

yes purpleduck. Sound advice. thanks.

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purpleduck · 27/08/2008 02:25

you guys type too fast for me!!
Night!

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