AIBU... to be the "only" parent to disagree with the school on this

[impishgal77]

My 13 year old DD is learning about the holocaust at school and the school have sent a letter home requesting parental permission for her to attend a showing of Schindler's List after school. It's a 15. I saw it at the cinema and remember it being VERY moving. I don't think it's right that the school is asking me to break the 15 guidance, and, of course, I am the ONLY parent to question it (according to DD! "everyone else's parents are ok with it"

I saw Schindler's list in the cinema aged about 15. I don't think I properly understood it at that age and found it much more harrowing to re watch as an adult.

In some ways I found boy in the striped pjs more harrowing, but that may have been because I watched it for the first time as an adult and a mother, which had totally changed the way I react to things.

So in some waysways I think I'm saying that teenagers can cope with more than we give them credit for and sometimes deal with it better than adults.

I would be really reluctant to let my daughter watch Schindler's List, because, as a parent my first instinct is to protect her from anything scary or that could traumatize her. I haven't watched Schindler's List because I know it would upset me. I sobbed my heart out at the beginning of Saving Private Ryan to my DH's horror and surprise. Knob that I am!

Letting my daughter watch it would be a really hard choice because I am knowingly exposing her to the horror of the holocaust and the understanding that humans can be evil people. There's no coming back from that really is there? However, I also understand that as a member of the human race, she needs to understand that this happened, and could happen again. In a way, I feel viewing it would be part of her childhood vanishing.

It's REALLY difficult :(

my DS watched boy in the striped pyjamas in year 5, I was surprised to say the least but he coped with it well (I on the other hand cried buckets)

I'm not sure if they're allowed to show the same footage as when I was at school (90s) but if they do, your child will already have seen deeply harrowing real life footage of the Holocaust. I remember seeing footage of people going into gas chambers, the piles of bodies burning and other horrific things. So Schindler's List was not something that bothered me when we watched it in Year 9. It was an excellent film but it didn't affect me as I knew it wasn't real footage, so to me it wasn't so awful.

What I'm saying is the ship may have already sailed on protecting your daughter from seeing something you deem inappropriate.

Surely the whole point is that they SHOULD be upset. Lest we forget....

Does you DD watch the news? If so she has seen things which are not for her age and without any background.

I think whilst it is understandable to want to shelter children from bad things it is doing you DD a disfavour to not let her watch this amazing film and get the opportunity to discuss her feelings and emotions about it and the events it describes in a safe environment

I would want to know what the work they were doing around it was exactly, and how they are dealing with the issues it raises.

It is upsetting, but it's a topic thatis becoming more and more relevant again, unfortunately - and children were being recuited into the Hitler Youth at 14. Better that kids have their eyes open, however upsetting it is.

The Boy In The Striped Pyjamas may be the very worst text / film through which to teach history. See this Amazon review here by someone who is now Professor of Literature and Modern Thought at Royal Holloway and has written books about the Holocaust and its effect on our thinking and philosophy. Review which challenges historical accuracy of Striped Pyjamas

There is an interesting discussion here about the difference between 'remembering' the holocaust and feelings and morality about it, and teaching it as history, context, fact.

I have not seen Schindler's List (but I know the story) Here is a Jewish Chronicle review of the film [[http://www.thejc.com/arts/arts-features/103882/is-schindler%E2%80%99s-list-fatally-flawed here]] and an article discussing how far the film is fictionalised

I wouldn't let a 13 year old watch it. (I encouraged my 15/16 year olds to watch it.)

Even assuming a "schools' cut", I'd have huge misgivings. The distressing nature is embedded in the whole film, not predicated on certain scenes. And, actually, I think the film should be seen in tact, at an appropriate age.

I remember watching it in the cinema when it first came out .You could have heard a pin drop . And several sobs. I re-watched it recently before going to Krakov/Auschwitz . While we were at the latter there were several school parties , some certainly early teens. And the Schindler Museum pulls no punches

My DD1 has a German penfriend who tells us that the neo- Nazi movement in Germany is frightening . I think you should let her see it . Lest we forget .
But I'd maybe watch it yourself beforehand and think about the questions which might arise .
A previous poster quite rightly said that there is footage on the news these days which is as harrowing to watch .

I'm also in two minds about this. My son did the Boy in the Striped Pyjamas at 13. I wasn't too happy tbh - I do think it's a tad young - but I wouldn't have said anything to the school.

I think Schindlers List is far more brutal and harrowing - I find it devastating to watch as an adult. I'd prefer they were 15+ personally. If it is a school-friendly version, maybe that's a bit more acceptable. I wonder if teens are more resilient to these things than grown-ups - I'm far more sensitive since I've had children.

At least it's not Sophie's Choice. The one film I would unwatch if I could

I would be speaking to the school about if it is a special school version or the full version.

I read the book at 16 as it was the first book on our A level English curriculum. It had a profound effect on me. There is a humanity in the book which is difficult to cross into film. Nevertheless, I would let my 13 year old DD watch it. I think it's important at this age to start to open their eyes to the reality of recent history and the lessons learnt by the holocaust. It's a terrific film and an important story.

**needastrongone

• has your DD seen any of the Harry Potter films at all? Only my flaky memory here, but I think some of these are 12A. Fascinated that you have managed to never see anything other than age appropriate

Yes she has seen all the Harry Potter films but nothing above a 12a as she has not wanted to.

I remember going as a very young girl with my sister who is 20 months older, to a UK cinema. We went to see a kids movie and there was an old Pathe news film showing, which was made during war II. It showed scenes of the death camps with mounds of emancipated skeletons, gold teeth, and hair (cut off to be used for wigs). My sister and I were bawling our eyes out in the cinema.

I never watched Schindler's List so have no idea of the content, however kids these days see so much violence in movies and DVD's in comparison to those days, that she may not be fazed by it at all. Perhaps find an adult who has seen the movie to find out the content?

There is a school version. I would have no problem with it. I went to Belsen and Dachau when I was about 8. Dachau was quite shocking. They had left much as it was and had some very shocking pictures and displays.

I do not think a film is a safe way to deal with this important issue.
It requires small group work with a suitable adult so that children can have the opportunity to work with their emotions and thereby develop themselves emotionally, morally and spiritually. A film is strong on the senses and offers no filter, no escape and no human interaction or response. A child is forced to immerse herself in it - which will be OK for some but not for others. And who, at that age, wants to be the one who is crying in front of the class?
Personally I think this is lazy, showy, modernistic teaching. I expect the teachers will be sensitive and follow up with discussion, however I would want to see the learning aims and outcomes to check that this has been thought through to the extent that you feel happy about it. The film could be offered as optional.
Gosh, that pressed my buttons!

I'm with the school I think. They have pre warned parents that this is to be shown. I also saw this in the cinema and it was deeply shocking.

So if this was my child, I would probably sit them down at home and watch either clips or the whole thing and discuss it with them prior to the school viewing.

In fact, I received a similar letter from school on a different subject which said that the kids were to be shown an age appropriate video which they had linked to. Now. This "age appropriate" video really only glosses over the surface of the issue and the school also linked to a video with a higher age certification and said parents should watch it. I think the subtext was, "look we can only show age appropriate stuff, but it doesn't really tackle the issue so we are giving you the parents the full hard hitting stuff and really would like you to show clips/all of it/discuss with your child". I plan on showing my child the entire thing, on an iPad where we continually pause and discuss it And to continually make sure he is ok.

This "age appropriate" thing really irritates me actually. The video I am taking about has an age certification but the child in the video who made "a bad choice" is younger than the age certification. So it needs to go to a younger audience.

We all have to make our own decisions about these kind of things. I was 8 when my grandmother first told me about being in the Allied liberation team that went into Neuengamme an 'extermination through labour' camp. This has coloured my thoughts on what children should know when, I took my own DD to Anne Frank's house when she was 6 years old. And at 12 she has seen parts of schindlers list.

Hi everyone,

With the OP's kind permission we're going to sweep this great thread into films

Mmmmcake123 - you're right in terms of films from the 1980's (e.g. Top Gun, Dirty Dancing, Gremlins have been lowered to 12/12A) but Schindler's List was 15 as recently as last year for a cinema re-release [[http://www.bbfc.co.uk/search/releases/schindler%2527s%2Blist]].

The BBFC have always been more lenient with historical films, gave Saving Private a 15 because "We felt that it told the truth about war and we didn't want war glamorised for teenagers," [[http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/uk/2605543.stm]] so you have to be more careful with judging their appropriateness.

I don't think the age given as appropriate on the movie package is to be taken as gospel truth. The reasoning behind that is often very dubious, especially when it comes to the ages from when nudity is deemed appropriate and when violence is ...

A film like Schindler's List is likely to be emotionally upsetting, but it is not likely to give your child wrong impressions about how the world is - and that is something I would be far more concerned about.

The difference between 13 and 15 is much smaller than between 3 and 5 or 5 and 7. I'd wager there are teenagers of those ages who are pretty similar in maturity, or even 13 year olds who are more mature than some 15 year olds.
Of course, if you know that your daughter is very sensitive and might be very upset, you'd choose not to have her see it, but if she herself says she wants to, she can likely cope.

Films like this one are ones I only watch very seldomly, because even an adult doesn't enjoy the emotional impact. They are educational, but not entertaining.

The greater danger for children's psyche comes from films that are pornographic, degrade women, glorify violence or, you know, have racist implications while being entertaining enough to make you want to see more.

If a child sees Schindler's List too early she is not likely to search for similar films and watch those and become more and more depressed.

We just went through this with DD1 - I was surprised that the School wanted to show it and talked it through carefully with her. I asked her if she wanted to watch it at home with us first - so we could switch it off if she got distressed and make her decision that way. In the end she decided that she was happy just to watch it at school, and as she's mature and sensible (and old in the year so nearer 15 than 14) I was happy that she should make the choice with us.