AIBU... to be the "only" parent to disagree with the school on this

[impishgal77]

My 13 year old DD is learning about the holocaust at school and the school have sent a letter home requesting parental permission for her to attend a showing of Schindler's List after school. It's a 15. I saw it at the cinema and remember it being VERY moving. I don't think it's right that the school is asking me to break the 15 guidance, and, of course, I am the ONLY parent to question it (according to DD! "everyone else's parents are ok with it"

You know your child best and ultimately the decision lies with you. But some things to consider perhaps:

1. You could explain to dd that should she become upset during the film she can choose to leave
2. Schindler's List is not the definitive 'guide' to the events of the Holocaust. If you decide to stop her from watching it, there are other ways of researching/teaching these things to your daughter which doesn't require her to watch the film
3. You could watch it with her at home and keep an eye on how she is coping and be around to answer questions if she has any
4. As pps have said, often these facts are less relatable to a modern teen-these very real events of fairly recent history seem ancient and, to a degree, less relevant. If it helps your decision at all, I was a very young 14y/o when I visited Auschwitz with school in 2001. We watched Schindler's List on the coach on the way there as well as visiting Checkpoint Charlie in Berlin and another concentration camp, Sachsenhausen. I was away from home for the first time and had no contact with my family. Whilst I found the experience emotionally challenging at times, I coped well and never regretted going at all. I know that once I had children something changed emotionally in me and that as an adult I'd find it very hard to visit again. As a teen I was more resilient in certain ways-I simply did not feel things in quite the same way as I do now. Are you perhaps projecting a little on your daughter iyswim?
5. I think this needs slightly more discussion with the school to establish how children will be comforted should they find it a bit much. Could the exception to the 15 rating be rationalized by it's educational value and not set a precedent? Ask the school yourself if any other parents have objected. I told my mum "all the other kids are allowed!" a lot as a teen!!!
6. If your DD is the only one who isn't allowed to watch it, please don't underestimate the embarrassment she might feel about it. At her age, everyone wants to be like their peers. Good luck op, you sound like a good mum, my 11yo ds has friends who play on gta v etc and I find it hard to stomach. You obviously care a lot about your DD.

I agree with others, only you know if your child can emotionally cope with this. However, I've not watched it purely through reading on here, hoe emotive it is. I'm quite hard, I'm a nurse that deals with harsh crap everyday, but I know this film would play on my mind.

Haven't read the thread. My dh saw it (I haven't), he says he doesn't think the film (shown in cinema) is suitable viewing for a 13 year old. Op as the parent, it is your choice if your dd takes part (hence the permission slip). Your dd is bound to say every other parent has agreed to the viewing. You dd can't un-see it, if she watches it and it upsets her. Presumably, unless it is a special school version, it is 15's for a reason. If you are dubious, I would speak to the principal or teacher to clarify the situation.

I walked out of the classroom in tears when I watched this film at school, it was far too upsetting for me.

So I would say yanbu. However you know your DD best. Have you discussed it with her?

I'd have thought The Boy In The Striped Pyjamas would have been better for kids that age.

I would not let my 13 year old daughter see Schindler's List. But then again, I wouldn't let her read Lord of the Flies when it was being taught in school when she was 11. I was the only parent who said no. I am 52 and would not see Schindler's List or read Lord of the Flies because they are too upsetting. As an adult, I have a choice. It's sad that without my input, my child does not have that choice to determine what would be too upsetting for her.
I agree with you that it's bad role modeling for the school to encourage disregarding of age guidances.

My DS1 saw the full, unedited version on TV when he was 13. We watched it together and discussed it afterwards. He was affected by it, but was able to put it in perspective and I knew he would be.

My DS2, however, at 13 would NOT have been mature enough to watch it and be able to deal with the emotional impact nor put it in historical perspective.

I don't think it's an issue of 'the film is rated 15, therefore no one under that age should ever see it'. I think it depends on the content of the film, the meaning behind it, and the individual child.

A big part of my beef is that it is a 15, and she is only 13. What example is that setting?

Oh FFS. It's setting the example that the guidelines are just that, not legal rules, and using your own judgement is superior.

If you don't want her to see it, don't let her but YABU to question the school "breaking the 15 rule"

It will be the modified version because as you have pointed out the cinema version is a 15. If your concerned maybe you ought to actually check with the school before going on your merry way. And judging them. If it was pretty woman or any other film that doesn't have a school version I'd agree with you, but several people have said it's entirely posiable it's not the cinema version, yet you without finding out wether it's not at all you've declared it must be the full version.

Your major beef is that it's a 15. It might not be, check, if it is then you may feel that you don't want to sign the permission slip, if it's not then it's been approved for child's age, therefore not breaking the guidelines that your objecting to being broken.

Just to echo though, only you know your child and how sensitive she is likely to be if that's the actual reason for not wanting to sign permission slip then YABU. However you are if it really is because you've made an assumption without checking the facts. No it doesn't say it on the letter, but maybe that's because their presuming you know it's not a full version a quick email or call to the teacher will solve your beef.

YANBU - if you don't think the film is appropriate for your daughter then refuse permission.

I can't comment on the film itself - I've never seen it. It came out when I was 20 and my mother asked that I not watch it. She has since died and I still don't feel right watching it having agreed not to.

But is there really a modified version for 'schools'? I wonder if the specific reference to SL in the guidelines has given rise to an urban myth that there's a 'school's version'. You'd think the school would mention it if there were.

I'm very familiar with the film, and I do not think it would be suitable for 13 year olds. It is a long and difficult film that is better watched when older.

I actually think Schidler's list is not as bad as the real footage that has been shown on TV.

Personally I agree with op who said that actual footage and documentaries are more harrowing.

It was a 15 when it was made. It's not a 15 by today's standards imo.

My 11 year old has read and watched 'The boy in the stripped pyjamas' for English. I found it very harrowing. As did she, but it was in a good way. She got a sense of how awful it actual was.

Personally I would say most 13 year olds would be fine with this film.

I personally find Life is Beautiful and Boy far more harrowing than Schindler's List, maybe because of their normality in the midst of horror.

YANBU to be concerned, and of course you think you know your daughter's emotional response better than the school, but you might be surprised. Far fewer kids than you think have the emotional reactions you might expect when they see something in a school context with guidance from teachers and their mates all around them.

I wouldn't stop dd from seeing it, as the certification thingy ^^ says, even if it is the original, there is a valid educational reason for showing it, I'd do a bit of explaining first, although I try to let the teachers get on with their jobs as far as possible. I'm sure it won't be the first time they've shown it to kids that age.

(I do agree with november that the only negative point to me would be that it goes on for a very long time and the kids might actually get bored halfway through)

I would check with the school as it sounds like try will probably be watching the school's version, which will be deemed suitable for 12/13 years olds.

I know I wouldn't let my 11 yo see it, even an edited version. I watched it as an adult and found it harrowing. Even dp who loves all war documentaries and films says 'it's a bit rough'.

We did the book 'Brother in the Land' and saw a holocaust film, think it was called 'Threads' maybe, when I was in y7 and it haunts me still now. And I am 38.

OP's own decision. But I wonder about the effect on school children who have experienced hideous situations in recent wars.

As for breaking the guidelines here's what the bbfc say about schools showing films to children under the age of the guidelines.

^The age rating decision indicates that the DVD contains material that we believe is unsuitable for children younger than the age specified. Many schools have their own policies about what age rated materials teachers are allowed to show in class.

However, there are some cases where a school might plan to show the DVD or Blu-ray of a film in a specific educational context where it is properly discussed, presented and mediated by a teaching professional. For example, some AS and A2 Media or Film Studies exam syllabuses include 18 rated films.

We recommend that teachers seek parental consent before showing such material prior to showing it, obtain approval of the Head Teacher and Governors and monitor the reactions of pupils to ensure they are able to understand the material in this particular context.^

The thing is OP it is indeed guidelines and it's going to come up more and more as your child gets older, in more subjects, this proves there's a few cases in history, but there are some amazing versions of books that are studied for AS and A level that are 18!certs. The school are doing nothing wrong by showing it, in fact their doing exactly what Bbfc ask by asking permission.

Trust your own gut instincts, teachers are not parents and you know your child better than anyone (and I work in a school! ). I wanted my daughter to sit out of something at school, and was told by the head that I was the only one, I still insisted and dd said there were 3 other children that sat out with her. She didn't mind because she knows we are not sheep.
The school conveniently showed it just before the summer hols so the parents were left picking up the pieces!

Age guidelines are there for a reason

Yes, you've said it yourself, right there - they are there as a guide.

I remember being subdued and sobered by the film as an adult, I don't remember any deeply traumatised feelings.

I sent the school a letter which said something like ... "In general I am not in favour of children watching films which are a higher certification than their age; I do feel it sets an unhelpful president."

They probably won't watch it in one go - and may not actually see all of it; scenes are selected to reflect the learning objectives of specific lessons.