AIBU... to be the "only" parent to disagree with the school on this

[impishgal77]

My 13 year old DD is learning about the holocaust at school and the school have sent a letter home requesting parental permission for her to attend a showing of Schindler's List after school. It's a 15. I saw it at the cinema and remember it being VERY moving. I don't think it's right that the school is asking me to break the 15 guidance, and, of course, I am the ONLY parent to question it (according to DD! "everyone else's parents are ok with it"

She's 13. She's not a baby. I'd let her see it. I think it's good for teenagers to see what other people had to live through in the past, and how easy their lives are by comparison.

I remember watching it with a year 9 history class (I was a TA). They were incredibly moved. It really made them think. YABU.

Of course the film would be upsetting. It's meant to be. What actually happened i.e. the holocaust was upsetting. But that doesn't mean we shield our children from these things. Rather I believe it's extremely important that they are exposed to these things to help them understand history & the world we live in today. 'Lest we forget' and all that - don't we all have a duty to remember those who lost their lives during conflicts?

At 13 I think your daughter should get a say in it too. Talk to her.

I'd let my Y9 son see it, but only if he felt comfortable about it.

We watched the original in history at 13. I was 12, as the youngest in the year. It was moving and hugely sad but I'm very glad that I did it. Two parents didn't want their children to watch it, so those children went to the library.

The support from the teachers and other staff members was second to none. Even teachers of other subjects were aware of what we had watched and offered to talk to us.

You only have your dd's word for it that all the other parents are fine with it. I bet some aren't! I would be cross about this too. Can you get in touch with the school and find out if it is the edited version they are going to show? and if not, suggest it?

Yanbu.

I keep thinking of that hideous scene where Ralph Fiennes takes pot shots at people out of his bedroom window.

Of course everyone needs to know about the Holocaust!! Op's point is that it should be in a more age appropriate way, at 13.

The only time my dh has ever cried in a film was watching Schindlers List. And he is a great big rufty tufty bloke who studied the Nazis for his degree.

yanbu
my ds has this, he walked out of the room.
I remember posting on mn about it and being told he should watch it(was years ago)

We all know ratings can be a bit suspect. Sometimes they get reduced over time. The film Tootsie is now 30+ years old but is still rated a 15 - not even a 12 - because it has three uses of the word "fuck" in the space of three seconds. Don't tell me there are kids of 11 who have never heard the word "fuck". There is nothing in Dustin Hoffman pretending to be a woman in a comedy remotely dangerous to children at all, let alone 12-14 year olds.

Yet Jaws is, and remains, a PG. I remember seeing it when I was 7 and not in the least scared. The next year I was begging my mum to take me to see Jaws 3D at the cinema. Whereas The Elephant Man had me in floods of tears as an 11-year old boy - not because of his appearance but how appallingly people treated him and how fabulous the Anthony Hopkins and Anne Bancroft characters treated him so kindly.

Personally, I think it could be argued that Schindler's List could now be a 12A (if it was shown in a cinema, anyone under that age had to be with an adult). Yes it is harrowing. But it has several messages that need to be passed down to future generations.

OP - has your DD seen any of the Harry Potter films at all? Only my flaky memory here, but I think some of these are 12A. Fascinated that you have managed to never see anything other than age appropriate

Not relevant, I know!

I wonder if watching it with her peer group might actually be a beneficial way to see a film such as this?

Not telling you what to do, your call.

I know my own DD can get more emotional reading books than films. Thinking of Boy in the Striped Pyjamas and, strangely, the David Walliams books - I was emotional reading The Boy in the Dress to be fair.

Difficult one.

The schools version of Schindler's List was, I believe, made in conjunction with the outstanding charity, Holocaust Education Trust They also have teacher training packs and work directly with schools & higher education bodies. Perhaps understanding what your DD will see and why will help you make a more informed decision than just the cert guidance on its own.

Not read the full thread, but when we watched a general video about war in history class the class was silent, horse was killed and everyone got upset! History said it was the same every year, see all the men being killed and nothing but the horse dies and everyone is sad. I think it's because we knew that an unbelievable amount of people were killed, we had been exposed to that, but we hadn't really done anything about the animals so we weren't really expecting it

Thinking back, at 13 (Y9?), both of my kids went to visit the holocaust memorial museum with school and were very moved by the experience. They were shown round by survivors. A good and worthwhile trip I think.

Bim threads was a made for tv film about nuclear war, think the bomb went off in Sheffield. It was when the Cold War was still on so was very topical.

I don't think 13 is too young, may have missed this but have you asked your DD if she wants to watch it.

Think 13 is perfectly fine to watch it - yes it's a moving film, highly emotional, and that's the point. It is important to see how awful parts of our history are.

We watched it, remember even the little shits in the class being silent whilst it was one.

We also watched Dances With Wolves, and that gave me nightmares for weeks!

"It was a 15 when it was made. It's not a 15 by today's standards imo."

A few people have said something like this - this is interesting

So are 13 year olds / 15 year olds more intrinsically resilient than they used to be?

Or - they just have to be, as they are habitually exposed to more intense stuff in mainstream media?

I watched the edited "school" version when o was in year 9 (8 years ago), but I had already seen the original version at home with my parents.
I think the main difference is almost all of the very graphic shootings (ie the female construction foreman at Płaczow blatantly shot in the head on screen) are not shown. I remember Göeth saying to his men to shoot her, but then the camera pans away, the sound of the shot is heard, and then you see her body from a distance.
I think it's important for kids to learn about the holocaust, and the horrific violence and torture that came along with it. IMO, teaching them a watered-down version of events is not helpful at all. I am half Polish, and my mother comes from a family of Polish Jews, I heard lots of accounts of the ghettos from the horse's mouth. I'm not traumatised by it - I was shocked, but I think the holocaust has to shock you, in order for you to understand just how vile it was.
Most 13yo these days have seen plenty of graphic violence on TV/internet, whether their parents are aware of it or not.

Why don't you check with the school what version they are using and then make a decision?

The holocaust was horrific, and young and old lived, suffered and died through it. The holocaust didn't care if it's victims were too young for it. I would have no problem with my 11 and 7 year old DSs watching it. They can watch it and whilst it's horrifying and shocking, thankfully they're able to watch it from afar without being in it, able to put it out of their mind afterwards.

My boys have watched the boy in the striped pyjamas, and DS1, 11 has watched Kajaki. Kids play fighting computer games and I think it's important that they understand the real implications of war.

I would personally sign it and let her watch it. But she's not my child. Ultimately the choice is yours.

I have two minds.
I know that I am very sensitive to films. I can have flashbacks lasting years I have one from Ghost that I saw when it was first out and it still hits me every now and then.

But at the same time I can see that it is an excellent film for studying the Holocaust. I don't want the Holocaust to have any danger of being swept under the carpet by minimising it to the next generation. That's how history repeats itself.

I saw my first 15 certificate at 12yo (Top Gun, in an RE lesson-don't ask) and loved it. I saw my first 18 certificate (Mississippi Burning, in an RE lesson!) aged 15yo and I really struggled. I did at one point turn round away from the screen and the teacher was fine with that.

I am certain dd1 would have had no problems with watching it. Dd2 no way. She can be traumatised by Disney. Ds is only 8yo and is very interested in WWII, and I don't know. We went to the Imperial War Museum last summer and he was very keen to look at the Holocaust memorial area. I discussed it with the people on the entrance, and eventually we went into the first room. he walked round twice reading and viewing, and then quietly asked to be taken out again.

They all know about the Holocaust because we lost a large amount of family on the continent for various reasons during it.

I was going to add that my great-aunt came over on Kinderstransporten (however you spell it) as her parents were trying to stand up and say what Hitler was doing was wrong. They were Quakers and believed they had to stand up, but sent her away because they knew the dangers. They died in a concentration camp. That small bit of information had all my children in tears when I was telling them.
Little personal things like that make the difference to understanding.

I saw it when I was about 11. Didn't have a clue what was going on but it did make me obsessively want to know more about the holocaust.

I recently taught year 11's a double lesson on the holocaust & half of the class cried. Didn't show any videos, just explained the process of going from their homes to concentration camps & what would happen to their families.

Literally half the class were welled up, & all told me after that they had watched various films/documentaries since & couldn't believe what had happened.

I expected them to be upset because it is upsetting. But I'm pretty sure they all went back to their snapchats & Instagram afterwards not so traumatised but hopefully better informed.

We watched this film in History when I was that age.

I spoke to my mum when I got in and told her I didn't want to watch the rest, found it too upsetting (despite having read the book?!).

Walked into the next lesson and before I had chance to tell my teacher I wasn't watching it, he approached me and gave me the key to the ICT suite....he'd been keeping an eye on us students and had seen me sat there with tears literally pouring down my face and knew I wouldn't cope with the rest.

If it was my DD's, based on how they are now, I'd be reluctant to let the eldest watch it. She's a sensitive soul, really analytical and thinks things through for weeks after the fact. I'd be worried about delayed response from her....my youngest, I'd let watch it. Because she's more spirited and less emotional. If you get me?

So in your case, take your lead from your daughter....

I would be unhappy about it but would be led by my dd. She absolutely hates anything intense and scary on film (she's 13, maybe quite a young 13).

I don't see why a Hollywood film has to be touted as the best way to learn about the Holocaust.

Schindlers List is bloody harrowing

The boy in the striped pjs probably much better choice at that age

There's a 'school' version? Then probably yes.

But no if she didn't want to