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Films

Related: TV discussion forum.

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Original poster

AIBU... to be the "only" parent to disagree with the school on this

123 replies

impishgal77 · 02/02/2016 23:19

My 13 year old DD is learning about the holocaust at school and the school have sent a letter home requesting parental permission for her to attend a showing of Schindler's List after school. It's a 15. I saw it at the cinema and remember it being VERY moving. I don't think it's right that the school is asking me to break the 15 guidance, and, of course, I am the ONLY parent to question it (according to DD! "everyone else's parents are ok with it"

OP posts:

Adeleslostbeehive · 03/02/2016 07:27

It's ok to be upset and moved, experiencing emotions is part of life and learning to deal with them part of growing up and becoming robust. I think to be traumatised long term by the film is a very unusual reaction and not sure I would base my decisions on the small possibility of this happening.

I too would be surprised if there is a schools version considering it's such a huge expensive Oscar winning blockbuster it does seem a bit odd Stephen Spielberg would re edit the whole thing.

That said I think it's your choice. I would be quite reluctant to have my child be the only one sitting out on something all her classmates are partaking in though, I must admit.

JeffreySadsacIsUnwell · 03/02/2016 07:28

I'd tell the school that if they think it is of such important educational value that the children watch it, they should be showing it in school time, with time allocated afterwards to discuss and deal with the effects in the children.

Showing it after school reduces it to an extra-curricular/entertainment activity

There is no opportunity to discuss the impact/import of the film - many children will deal with it, in the absence of adult guidance, by reducing and mocking its themes and content

Personally I wouldn't want to be picking up the pieces. I have never been able to watch that film; I have a perfectly good imagination and understand the enormity of the Holocaust without the need to watch a film. Aged 13, I'd have been walking out sobbing, probably near the beginning. What is the school going to do about the children who can't/don't want to stay in, and how are they going to ensure that children feel comfortable leaving, not forced to stay and watch by fear of ridicule?

AlpacaMyThings · 03/02/2016 07:30

Our family with teens a similar age, watch the news and current affairs daily and see the horrors of people escaping Syria and IS. We talk about war, disease, terrorism (Paris, Lee Rigby, Twin Towers etc).

The world isn't a nice place and I don't think we should shield our children from this.

Of course, a nice Disney film is always preferable for special snowflakes.

IoraRua · 03/02/2016 07:34

I think the edited version was distributed by the Holocaust Ed Trust or someone. It's not Steven Spielberg himself who was sending these out.

ArkATerre · 03/02/2016 07:34

With the overt sexual content removed for this age group then I would have no problem with it. I don't think it lessens the power of the message to remove that.
You may or may not be the only parent to be considering not giving permission but as long as you have made an informed decision about whether your DD sees it then who cares what anyone else thinks.

Personally, I'd allow it in an educational context and prepare to talk over my child's responses to it afterwards.

UmbongoUnchained · 03/02/2016 07:35

I have never met anybody in real life who follows DVD guidelines for age. I imagine you will be in the minority of parents who will object to your child watching a film that pretty much all schools show.

chantico · 03/02/2016 07:37

I would not give my consent unless I could be assured that this was an adapted schools version.

Not because my DC is a "special snowflake" but because I know that of my 3, one of them would definitely not have been ready at that age for that film. And I'd have been iffy about the others.

(And I'm a parent that has let one DC have access to 18 rated stuff a couple of years early, because in that instance the DC was ready, so not a slave to guidelines).

Adeleslostbeehive · 03/02/2016 07:40

Well obviously it only needed editing once I just think it would be unusual for a director to allow someone else to edit their film. Google seems to be full of talk about someone seeing a schools version but nothing solid. All I meant was probably best to get some clarity on the version thing in case it's a bit of a urban myth.

gamerchick · 03/02/2016 07:44

Christ no wonder our kids are growing up unable to cope with real life this thread reminds me of that friends episode where one of them had never seen the ending to sad films as a kid.

Kids need to learn about the past and it needs to imprint itself on their souls because our kids will be in charge of the world one day.

Not to mention the piss taking the OPs kid is going to get from her class mates for having to sit in another class when it's on. Never mind any work that she won't be able to do if any.

MTPurse · 03/02/2016 07:50

my DD has not seen any films above a 12a

Of course she hasn't op

Are you saying your dd has never slept at a friends house?

I completely agree with gamerchick

BillSykesDog · 03/02/2016 07:55

I think there's a big difference between letting a child watch something with pointless violence, like a cage fighting movie or a horror, and a dramatisation of real events that they've learnt about anyway.

It's absolutely pointless to protect a child from watching a film about something they know happened, is a pretty faithful version of events, and they've learned about in lessons.

It just seems pointless inflexibility and rules for the sake of rules. My parents were like this, it caused massive resentment. And it was counterproductive, because there were just so many pointless rules I just ignored them all. They would have done far better picking their battles.

Having said that, I don't think even my parents would have been this harsh.

REteacher101 · 03/02/2016 07:55

If it is the full version I would not show it to a class, I never show anything beyond the age recommended. Not worth it.
And I don't think the after school thing is a good idea, unless there is a session afterwards to discuss it. Not just watch it and head off home.

BertrandRussell · 03/02/2016 08:04

Common Sense Media

I don't think I'd let a 13 year old watch it.

BertrandRussell · 03/02/2016 08:05

And I don't stick to age guidelines for things we watch at home- I take it in a case by case basis.

Namechange02 · 03/02/2016 08:06

All kids watch higher cert films...really don't see the big deal tbh

Do they? Mine has but only because some James Bond films are 15s rather than 12A. Oh and the Jeremy Brett Sherlock Holmes DVDs are 15 rated too! But I don't think "all" kids have and only because things are old and there was only a choice between PG and 15.

As for Schindler's List, if there is a modified version for schools I wonder why they've not said they are using it (and if they are not using it, why not). I've seen it in Germany and the UK, and they were slightly different versions so i suspect there are quite a few versions floating about.

Jw35 · 03/02/2016 08:07

My 12 year old is also learning about the holocaust and told me she was due to watch 'the boy in the striped pyjamas' which I believe is a 12.

Having seen the film I was worried as I found it very sad and haunting! Luckily she's now said they're not watching it. I felt relief tbh.

Yanbu whatever anyone says about preparing them for 'real life'. They don't need to see something that shocking or upsetting to understand. You can refuse consent.

TweeterandtheMonkeyman · 03/02/2016 08:09

If you are so controlling that you attempt to limit your children's film viewing/reading (no to Lord of the Flies ) based on when YOU decide they are emotionally ready, then you are going to have some nasty shocks during their teen years IMO.

acasualobserver · 03/02/2016 08:13

I had to laugh at the Common Sense Media summary. Positive role models? Oscar Schindler: tick. Nazis: er ... not so much.

Letustryagain · 03/02/2016 08:16

As PPs have said, the real footage from pictures in books and documentaries they see in school is worse than the film. I think it's the amazing music that stirs the emotion aswell as the story itself but I doubt the school would have made the decision lightly to show the film and they wouldn't purposefully be showing something to give teenagers nightmares, BUT having said that every child is different. If you really think your DD wouldn't cope, have a word. But I think the film is a very real and important portrayal of the horrors and I think all teenagers should see it, at some point.

whattheseithakasmean · 03/02/2016 08:22

I am pretty shocked by 'no' to Lord of the Flies - I think we need to give children some credit & L of F is a book you can strongly relate to when you are in a High School environment. Personally I prefer to extend my child's emotional range, not attempt to prescribe it. But then I know my girls and they are clever and questioning enough to explore the text, not just squeal squeamishly at the challenging parts. Plus as a family we have had real life trauma, sadly, and it is better to face tough emotions in art to help process the reality.

pictish · 03/02/2016 08:29

It's a harrowing and sobering depiction of events that actually took place. I think it's a good example to use to hammer home what they are learning.

What a daft thing to dig your heels in about. Yabu and one of 'those' mothers.
Argue about it all you like, but you are.

notapizzaeater · 03/02/2016 08:30

My mum stopped me watching Lord of the flies at school, I was the only one in my class. It made it hard in lessons when we were studying it, it is different to the book and people had a better "view" of it. Also the ribbing I got was horrendous .... I watched it myself 2 years later and couldn't see the fuss.

Blu · 03/02/2016 08:35

Aren't there any good comedies that would enable teachers to teach about genocide without all this upset?

NotMeNotYouNotAnyone · 03/02/2016 08:39

Don't base it just on the classification, decide based on your own child. Remember that there will be an adult with them watching it who is used to showing this film to their age group, and who will be able to provide context and explanation.

AppleSetsSail · 03/02/2016 08:45

It's important that kids learn about human capacity for genocide, 13 is perfectly fine (I have a 13 year old).

I'd like them to learn about all instances of genocide so that they could know that sadly there's not just one - but I suppose that's another thread.

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