Those opposed to surrogacy, what are your views on egg donation?

[wholeeverything]

I'm a gender critical woman with a high degree of skepticism about commercial surrogacy. I'm also facing the possibility of never having my own child.

Thinking hard about egg donation, I am conflicted about my own views about the ethics of it, from the point of view of the egg donor. What are your views? I am particularly interested in the views of those opposed to surrogacy. Do you see it as the same issue?

I feel like I cannot think objectively because of my own fertility issues. I am personally fine with the ethics of the child's rights, in that I would view it as similar to adoption with a child having the right to know their biological origins, and that then being something for me to decide if I am OK with at a personal level. Where there is full transparency, I don't see it as violating the child's rights.

But what about the young women selling eggs? Is it invasive, dangerous? Should it be viewed like surrogacy or selling an organ? Is it only considered by women in financial hardship, i.e. effectively coerced?

In the UK you can’t donate eggs for money, although limited expenses can be paid. Overseas it’s obviously different depending on the country.

I know several women who have donated eggs because they wanted to ‘give back’ after completing their own families using fertility treatments. One of them had used donor sperm to conceive her own treatment. The intrusive nature of egg donation makes it more like donating bone marrow than donating blood, but it’s not like donating an organ!

I agree though that there is often some form of coercion, like cheaper fertility treatment which does bring ethical issues.

So everyone in the world is exactly the same as you…very convenient!

I’m undecided about egg donation. I’m fine with surrogacy I think if it’s family and not done for money, but the increasing number of celebrities going through the surrogacy route feels deeply concerning to me.

Not being genetically related does not mean you can't have deep loving relationships with a child/ parent/ sibling that mirrors a genetic one.

It’s not the same. It doesn’t “mirror it”. Sure you can have close relationships with people you aren’t related to, but your grandchildren are not growing up with at least one biological parent, which is a huge loss.

every surrogate child will one day have to come to terms with the idea that they were handed over for money or a favour for family and no one knows how those children will process that information.

children from sperm and egg donation may or may not care about extended family growing up.
they may care a great deal when doctors start asking about medical conditions that run in families.
they may also care if they have a child with a genetic condition and it turns out they had a child with a half sibling.

What about the effects on the child who has been created using surrogacy and is then removed from the mother who carried it at birth? The effects on the child and ethical considerations from the child’s side don’t magically disappear just because no money changed hands 😔

We are having a conflict within our family currently as my dsis is currently pregnant with a donor embryo baby boy from a cycle abroad. Majority of our (very religious) family are absolutely horrified. She’s been accused of making a baby little more than a consumer item and because of her donors ages even accused of exploitation. Treatment was abroad too so anonymous. I’m supporting her as I think going forward this is important but she has basically lost the rest of the family as they morally object. It’s been heartbreaking and should be a joyous time after her long struggle with infertility.

Obviously not, but clearly they don't all have your views either, and I know of no reason why your views should control other people's choices.

Every child from sperm and egg donation, by law, has to be able to know who their biological donors were from the age of 18. The donors know this too. There is no secrecy involved and no reason why those children can't find out anything they need to know about their genetic heritage.

Not if cycles were done abroad where donors are anonymous, this is current situation in my family and one of the issues causing concern

Unlike your random anecdote, all
of the actual studies on this - which inform adoption policy and procedures - are that it is harmful for children to grow up outside their biological families and everything should be done to avoid it.

A donated egg fertilised by a donated sperm carried through pregnancy and given birth to by a different woman and subsequently brought up by that woman and her husband in a nuclear family is nothing like adoption or surrogacy, and adoption policies and procedures are irrelevant to it.

This is entirely for the benefit of the parents, who get to be the parent for the child's entire childhood. That child has no right to know anything about their biological parent all through childhood. That is done 100% for the acting parent. I just don't see how people don't see how stacked all this in favour of the adults.

If children are brought up knowing their origin story they can find out the details when they're old enough to understand its implications. If they ask about it in any further detail (ours have not so far) they can be told that. Why do they need to know any sooner? From the child's point of view, mum and dad are their mum and dad. They don't have an awareness of genetic heritage and its implications at that age.

I actually have been an egg donor. I had both my children and viewed it as a living donation to support women with infertility. It coincided with several things with friends and family. However my views have changed a lot due to the fertility industry. I hate the fact they now target young women or those trying to afford treatment. I would also hate it if the eggs went to a surrogate or someone trying to go it alone. I do like the fact the child can track me down at a later date. If I made my choice again I probably would not do it but I can’t change the past

I agree that egg donation is very different from surrogacy or adoption. However at the time of donating some clinicians said they try to encourage parents to be open about the egg donation with the child but some family’s don’t do that. I am ok with someone contacting me when they turn 18. I think the contact thing if for the child not the parents

I think there are too many ethical issues (as outlined by pps) in regards to both the donors (many of whom donate before old enough to fully understand what they're doing) and the children that result from it, for a procedure that isn't life saving.

I can understand the logic behind people signing over embryos or eggs that they won't use after successful fertility treatment, but I don't think they should be influenced by their treatment being cheaper – it should be wholly altruistic. I'm still not convinced that's ethical either, though.

I'm especially put off by the idea that women who have waited until their mid-late thirties or later to have children for convenience purposes, who probably would've been fertile in their twenties, are mining the bodies of much younger women in order to create non-biological children.

Why do they have to wait til 18 to get info? Adopted children are routinely told about their birth family right from an early age - you would not be approved to adopt if you didn't agree to be open. Most adoptions include some form of contact with birth. This is considered crucial forvthe child's well being. The child still grows up with adoptive parents, who they hopefully bond with etc. So how come it is considered that donor conceived children don't get to know til they are out of childhood?

The idea that women put off having children until too late is largely invented by the patriarchy to stop women from being 'choosy' about who they partner up with and to stop them from building a career that can support the child.

I don't have a problem with egg donation or sperm donation, but I think the donor needs to be traceable and not anonymous.

Well, no. Biology is not invented by patriarchy.

Egg quality and fertility begins to dive very sharply downwards in the mid to late thirties for most women, and I believe many (not all) who struggle to conceive at that age would've been able to conceive fine in their twenties.

In the uk it is not Anonymous. I donated my eggs and once the child is 18 they will be able to trace me.

Are you in the UK OP? About 3000 UK children are waiting to be adopted right now. Adoption may not be for you for any number of reasons, I quite understand, but there are children waiting.

My DD carried and gave birth to her children. They were not adopted nor have they ever been removed from the person who gave birth to them. A sperm is invisible to the naked eye, and an egg is something smaller than the full stop at the end of this sentence and I see no reason why they should have a sentimental attachment to the testicles and ovary they came from after my daughter grew them into a child with her body and blood and engineered all the epigenetic changes that involved. The children may well want to know about the rest of their genetic inheritance and that can wait until they are old enough to understand it.