Queerness

[Colinfromaccounts]

Is anyone else bothered by this becoming a catch-all term?

I’ve had relationships with both men and women, but never felt the need to define myself that way, I feel my sexual and romantic life is fairly private. I suppose in a way I feel both straight and gay rather than one or the other so never wanted to claim the term bisexual either as I then felt hemmed in by the LGBTQ+ label, when for all functional purposes I move through the world as a straight woman.

I’m not anti gay culture, loved a gay bar in my youth and still love gay books and films etc.

I just feel queer has come to define everything, either you’re in the gay and trans soup or you’re not, and it’s quite flattening to the multiplicity of the human experience. I have basically nothing in common with a man who has only been in sexual and romantic relationships with men.

It seems to me that the queer world itself wants to ungender everything. But try asking a gay man on Grindr to fuck a “man” with a vagina and see how far you get.

can anyone relate?

The work folk bothers you now?

with respect, i am very sexually attracted to "butch" lesbians and also to larger/stronger men. In both instances there is definitely a gender aspect at play as well as their sex.
You can critique it all you like, it doesn't change my sex life or my partners! 😂

With respect, you having to tell people about your sexual preferences is crossing boundaries that Queer Theory recommends so well done, you should get a new badge in the post.

Nobody cares about the body shape or clothes of the person you are attracted to. Or their haircuts.

I find it ironic that you have posted

The arrogance of anyone telling someone else how to describe their own sexual orientation..... jeez

Yet you are defending those that do this the most.

You also posted about living in a world without labels, but we are never going to be able to do this as long as people label themselves and others.
And once again this more often than not comes from the "queer"/"trans" groups.

Yes, there’s a term for that: bisexual. The rest is personal preference.

But when you get down to the nitty gritty you have a sex based set of genitals and the other person (or people, if you're that way inclined) have the same as you or the opposite.

Wanting to shag someone who has blue hair, believes in god, likes pina coladas and walks in the rain, is just being attracted to their personality. Wanting to do it when you're dressed as a deep sea divers or rolling around in peanut butter is a kink or fetish. None of that is sexual orientation.

I still dont understand the difference between B and Q.

What is it?

I am a lesbian, proudly a TERF and loathe the word queer and won’t use it. I have very little interest in the alphabet soup that the ghastly organisation Stonewall were very keen to promote.

I am continually staggered that people in the Queer community think I am remotely interested in them or their lives, when all I can hear in my head is now ‘do jog on dear I have better things to be doing’

Re the difference between B and pan...

The only difference i can assume exists is that B = liking men and women and pan = also liking trans people. Is that it?

I'm also interested in the use of the word folk, I wonder what that stems from?

Yes, I think that's it. I'm bi, but I'm not attracted to trans people, so I assume they've made another word for people who are.

A quick glance at reddit suggests it came about as a workaround for the "highly othering" word "people", aka "you people"

So could it not be argued within the community that bisexuals = inherently transphobic?

It's not transphobic to not be attracted to any group of people. The things with trans people is, they try to mimic characteristics of the opposite sex, and in doing so, they nullify the things I find specifically attractive about each sex.

I have no problem with trans people existing and doing their thing, as long as males keep out of women's single sex spaces.

Also, I'm sure there are some bisexuals who are attracted to trans people, I'm just not one of them (although I suppose I could one day meet one I did find attractive).

Don't worry, I am firmly GC.
Im just talking from the perspective of TRAs.
If pansexual exists as a category, im surprised the TRAs havent gone around trying to eradicate either the word bisexual or pansexual, because in terms of their world view, there should not be a need for two separate labels.

Ah, I see what you mean, but I still don't think it can be argued you're transphobic if you aren't attracted to transpeople, but yes, I'm sure many of them would not agree on that point!

Trans people are either men or women though.

I'm not attracted to men who are shorter than me. Just because there's a subcategory of men I'm not attracted to doesn't change the fact that I am attracted to men.

Its also because its gender neutral.
If you really want to be edgy its folx cos that's inclusive innit..

This is an interesting point and yes, I guess it is one of the reasons why trans people may be working from a reduced pool of potential dating partners, even if they haven't taken any hormones or had surgery.

If you're attracted to men then you probably want someone who both is and looks like a man, and vice versa.

You must have missed the whole genital fetish/if you won't date a trans-person/ genital nazi section of the trans argument.

The logical problem with that is that to genderists literally any man could identify as a “trans woman” tomorrow, and he is not required to do anything more for that label than proclaim his identity.

Butchness and physical strength aren't gender identities!

Well yes, I suppose if he still looked exactly the same, then I might well find him attractive. Apart from his views of course - that’s the biggest turn off of all.

Same here - bi but not attracted to trans people. The trans identifying males I have met have obvious fetish or mental health issues (both things I find unattractive in any potential partner) and the trans identifying females don’t give the same vibe I get from the slightly butch and androgynous women I do find attractive.