Queerness

[Colinfromaccounts]

Is anyone else bothered by this becoming a catch-all term?

I’ve had relationships with both men and women, but never felt the need to define myself that way, I feel my sexual and romantic life is fairly private. I suppose in a way I feel both straight and gay rather than one or the other so never wanted to claim the term bisexual either as I then felt hemmed in by the LGBTQ+ label, when for all functional purposes I move through the world as a straight woman.

I’m not anti gay culture, loved a gay bar in my youth and still love gay books and films etc.

I just feel queer has come to define everything, either you’re in the gay and trans soup or you’re not, and it’s quite flattening to the multiplicity of the human experience. I have basically nothing in common with a man who has only been in sexual and romantic relationships with men.

It seems to me that the queer world itself wants to ungender everything. But try asking a gay man on Grindr to fuck a “man” with a vagina and see how far you get.

can anyone relate?

Non normative sexuality means L, G or B. Everything else is straight.

Non normative gender expression means you believe you identify as something other than the sex you are. The T covers this.

Literally nobody cares if you have several people on the go at once, except perhaps for those people if they think they are in an exclusive relationship with you.

Ah, you've misunderstood non-normative, that's OK.

Queer spaces are open, joyful, non-normative. They don't sound like your cup of tea. And that's fine! No one's asking you to be Queer!

Perhaps I have misunderstood it because you have failed to explain it.

Can you describe a queer person who is not L, G, B or T, and also not "normative" and explain what makes them different from any other bugger please?

Look up and understand your own "fucking" acronyms.
Its Queer/Questioning.
And the only thing that bothers me is your "fucking" ignorance.

As for using queer, I'm of an age where many of my friends had it used as a insult to them and still see it as such, so no I will not be using it to placate you.

Non-normative is anything that is non-normative, just like a woman is anyone who feels like a woman.

Is that it?

"non-normative" sounds like just another made up cult buzzword.

I agree.
It also relies on those using it to be able to put a definition together of what "normative" is.
And given that the vast majority of people won't fit into the very poor definition that comes with "normative" then we are all "non-normative" meaning that we are all "normative".

It is all nonsense.

I feel like it’s been adopted since the TQ gang latched themselves on to the LGB bandwagon, as a way of grouping them altogether when they’re totally different/unrelated.
I don’t like the term either because it used to be used as a slur.

Non normative means "not like those boring normies" who have jobs and hobbies and personalities and don't endlessly bang on about their sexual and gender identities.

What is 'non-normative' about being straight and married but also shagging around? People have been doing that since the dawn of time.

Look, if Queer is not for you, no problem! Walk on by! We'll remain happily Queer. It's OK that you don't understand something (really, it is, it's just not for you), not sure why the desire to shit on and pull Queer folk down. Not sure why our existence or lifestyles annoy you so much. Perhaps spend your energy elsewhere, rather than insisting we all fit into your (miserable sounding) box.

Its strange that as you are someone that is so angry about people being put in to boxes when you are the one so desperate to fit people into boxes.

As for not understanding something, just remember that when 'everybody is special, nobody is special'.

So you're not going to actually explain what it is then?

Because unless someone can explain why it is not simply regular people identifying as being more interesting than everyone else when in fact the opposite is true, that is what we will continue to believe.

That's fine! Off you pop! We'll be over here enjoying our Queer lives!

Have a brilliant rest of your day. I see that it's important to you to make sure that too many people don't think they're special. Maybe reflect on that, but if not, enjoy your life and we'll continue on living happily.

I think you are confusing thinking they're special with narcissism.

I can see that my point went straight over your head.

Maybe reflect on that, enjoy your life

I will take that in the non sarcastic way that it wasn't meant, but I will thanks

and we'll continue on living happily.

I genuinely hope that you do. But I think that you will end up with a massive shock down the road.

You do that.

And I will seek out more interesting people who don't constantly obsess about their own self-perceived specialness.

It is a political term. It's basically a men's sex rights movement with some female hangers on. You may find this book helpful:

https://radfem.org/unpacking-queer-politics/

This reminds me of the bloke in the pub that insists 'I'm bonkers, me!' And no, he isn't bonkers just very, very dull.

It’s increasingly evident that Non-Normative, and very possibly Queer, mean ‘No fucking boundaries whatsoever.’

I think a lot of queer people are afraid to say no, and the rest do not accept no as an answer.

I could list the obvious candidates, some of them now with jail terms underway.

Boundaries may be boring and normal, tedious indeed, but they protect the vulnerable. They protect girls who actually would prefer a monogamous relationship but are being told it’s boring and indeed possessive and greedy and narcissistic. They protect children, obviously. They protect lesbians from being expected to make themselves available to queer men.

And guess what, DeskJotter?
Normal people are also joyful and open. Less coercive, perhaps.

You fling around “normative” and “normal” like they’re dirty words, as if ‘merely’ gay, lesbian, or bi people are beneath you. The cult of “Queer,” sanctified by the high priests of… what, exactly? Cool club nights? TikTok discourse? Endless and proliferating identity boxes?

Some of us fought real battles: marching in protests when it meant police batons, coming out when it risked losing jobs or family, losing custody of children, campaigning to decriminalise homosexuality and win equal marriage. We did that so people could live freely, not so they’d be sneered at for being “too normal”. And worshipping at kink or fetish altars hardly makes one non-normative in any meaningful political sense.

Let’s also not pretend that “Queer” people invented radicalism. For centuries, many generations have lived non-normative lives—experimenting with free love, androgyny, communal living, and countless ways of challenging social norms. Ever read Ovid? Wollstonecraft? Plato’s Symposium? Movements from the Ranters to the Shakers, early feminists, and utopian socialists all wrestled with sex, gender, and freedom long before your hashtags. Entire social experiments, like the Oneida Community or Fourierist communes, tried to reimagine intimacy and social relations. So please spare us the superiority—and the lack of historical knowledge or critical thinking.

Humans are complicated. I love my female partner, am attracted to women generally, and will admit to a slight crush on Emmanuel Macron (which probably needs a label of its own). I wouldn't call myself queer, or gay, or bi, or lesbian, although I could probably claim any one of them if I wanted to. I'm too old for labels and boxes.

I'm massively grateful to those who marched and protested and brought about societal, policy and legal change so that today I can just be me, and love who I love. I like to think that it is a mark of respect to those people that I don't label myself - I've not had to earn it or defend it. My sexuality is the least interesting thing about me, and I'm joyful about that.

Gay and lesbian rights was all about not being weird and strange if you were attracted to members of the same sex, and campaigners spent their lives trying to show society that they were not weird and strange and indeed, could just be normal people like everyone else.

Stonewall threw the whole fucking lot over the side of the boat to keep on getting income after same sex marriage was legalised.

Exactly this.

NORMALISING same sex attraction was the point.