Single man adopting a girl with Down’s syndrome

[Lelophants]

I saw something on social media recently about this wonderful single man who decided to adopt a little girl with Down syndrome. It was hailed as the most wonderful lovely thing and he must be a great man. Loads of the comments were positive but a number expressed concern.

As awful as it may sound, I also wasn’t sure. Am I just tainted by the horrors of today? Are there really good single men out there who just want to adopt a single special needs child? I’d love to believe he was pure hearted but I read so much about awful things men do. Do you think this is possible that good men would want to do this on their own?

my husband is a lovely good man but he said he wouldn’t do it on his own.

You could, but it would ignore the Cinderella sort of syndrome which is where men are overwhelmingly more likely to abuse and harm children they are not biologically related to.

I don’t have the answers here and I won’t pretend to. Do I think all men are wanting to adopt so they can abuse? Of course not. But if a man wanted to abuse, adopting a girl with a significant disability would be a possible way to gain access to a child.

It’s a bit like if you are a single woman with children and dating. Are all men going to be drawn to you to abuse your children? No, absolutely not. But some will be and being aware of that possibility isn’t being prejudiced against men.

Women have done some horrific things to adopted child and step children.

I mean Amelia Dyer was a bloody monster who got fired for huge death tolls on her watch at the orphanages and moved on to adopting and murdering dozens of children.

The boy in the box was famously believed to be the adopted, sexually abused and murdered victim of a woman if Martha is to be believed (and many do).

And for a modern case what about the horrific story of poor baby Arthur Labinjo-Huges?

Or poor Sylvia Likens who was tortured and starved to death over 3 months by her female caregiver (who was babysiting while her parents worked away) and her daughters.

In fact interestingly Female serial killers are far more likely to kill 'family' (especially adopted or step children) and almost always go after the particularly vulnerable like small children and the elderly vs. Male serial killers who are more likely to go after non related teens/adults.

I really can't work out if GCs are pro or anti sexist stereotyping. Naively, I thought gender critical meant critical of gender stereotyping but that doesn't seem to be the case here at all

I think gender stereotyping and this sort of discussion are very different although I accept there’s some similar paths if you like.

Overwhelmingly, violent and sexual crimes are committed by men against women and children. Feminism isn’t pretending that doesn’t happen because occasionally women do it too.

There are many studies which point link a higher rejection rate by adoptive parents.

i think it’s fine

Jennifer and Joseph Rosenbaum murdered their adopted daughter Layla.
The Hart family murders were committed by a same sex female couple.
Poor little Leyland James Corkhill was adopted and murdered by his adoptive mother also, not too long ago.

And then we have the disturbing cases of stepmothers murdering (after torturing for long periods) their stepchildren.
Gannon Stauch is mentioned lots recently. Gorgeous little thing he was.

Then we have cases such as Victoria Cilmbe (forgive me if that's not her name, I'm trying to rack my brain remembering as I was a child myself when her aunt murdered her and I'm unsure I've remembered her name correctly!) 💔

The woman who worked at the church and lured Sandra Cantu to her very tragic and horrifying death I think worked with children and that's how she knew Sandra.
Vanessa George the nursery worker sex abuser.

There is a case of a woman named Vicki Bevan who sounds like one of the worst female peadophiles I've ever read about who I think was living in St helens and abused horrifically a child she had access too (not speculating for victims privacy her relationship to the poor little girl she abused but she had endless access)

We also have the devastating becky Watts murder, yes her step brother killed her but his girlfriend was also involved and had a sexual motivation when it came to the murder of becky.

Women who have access to children can be dangerous as fuck, through adoption, fostering, care work (Beverly allit/Lucy letby) we recently had the case of teacher Rebecca joynes molesting her pupils. We have parents such as the mother of baby P who will be complicit in the abuse of their child.
Rose West killed poor Charmaine West when Fred was locked up.
She abused her own daughters sexually.

Children are so vulnerable at the best of times, to have additional needs or trauma from being removed from birth mum makes them even more so and it's sad these extra vulnerable children may be rehomed with an abuser.

But we see repeatedly children returned to birth parents to end up on the cover of the daily mail when news drops they're now dead. (Ellie butler springs to mind)

Bloody hell I've mentioned a lot of terrible cases, but there is so many. But not every child will go to an amazing home and they absolutely deserve to be placed with one.
It's just ensuring abusers of any sex don't get access to children but they're so sly and sadly common, I don't know how we'd stop it.

I believe that Richard huckle, dead paedophile who wrote a manifesto on ways to rape children had planned to marry a child he'd been raping since she was about 2, (he'd had victims as young as 6 months old) but he'd stated in chat rooms to other predators he wouldn't want to abuse his own children when he had them so he'd planned to adopt alongside having his own children.

The world is very fucked up and predators are everywhere. All we can really do is remember safeguarding is everyone's business and if something seems off, report the fuck out of it.

Sadly I've done that recently with a family I have grave concerns about and nothing despite other people and outside agencies also being involved, has been done.

I pray the man who has adopted the little girl has pure intentions to give her love and stability and I think I have seen this guy on SM and he seems wonderful, but many people seem great and are just pure evil, so who really knows.

His name is Luca Trapanese.

It's very clear what posters are insinuating

This is it. Gender stereotypes are wrong but sex difference exist and make biological women more vulnerable from biological men.

That’s quite a different situation to a single man who hasn’t managed to have a relationship go and find a child and adopt them.

It’s very different though. Loving your own child that you’ve already made and having a partner vs going out and adopting a child on your own. My husband is a lovely man and always wanted a family but would never do that. So it’s quite unusual.

I guess the good men tend to be with partners.

I'm baffled by some of your thinking. Many good men are single, many bad men are partnered up. A child is more likely to be abused by a member of their family than a stranger.

It then follows that if we want to protect children, men shouldn't be allowed near them. Never mind that a woman killed a 6 year old in Wales a couple of days ago and there have been plenty of abusive women.

Some men are good people and want kids. I know that's shocking for some to hear. Many men go into social work, nursing, youth work or paediatrics - they aren't all predators looking to abuse vulnerable children.

Ah, him. He’s gay, he’s been very open about both that and his past struggles to find a partner who also wanted a child, which would have been his preference - so not sure why the concern centres around him being a straight single man.

In italy a gay couple can not adopt but a single gay man (or woman) can adopt in some circumstances. This is why this happens.

Also, and I'm not sure if this is currently the case or not, but at one point in Italy. Gay people wernt allowed to adopt, but they were allowed to adopt disabled children. Obviously offensive to both gay people and to disabled people! If you are referring to the man I think you are, that is his story.

I read these threads with posters arguing 'women can be as bad' and wonder how the world came to be so messed up that people believe that. Look at the prison stats.

Are you disagreeing with the fact that women are capable of abusing children?

There is a guy I follow on Instagram he is a serial fosterer in the US. He has a torrid time coming up the way as a teenager and someone pulled him off the streets and he speaks about wanting to repay that debt. Ok it’s Instagram so I couldn’t possibly know but I see him with his kids, the care, attention and genuine love, warmth and bond he gives them seems remarkable to me. He is also utterly compassionate of the circumstances of the birth parents.

This is where for the second time tonight I go ‘eh’ about comprehension skills.

Women do harm children but in comparison to men are in a tiny, tiny minority. To go back to my dog analogy it is like claiming the sole jack russell responsible for a fatality in the UK over the last four decades is just as dangerous as XL Bully’s.

It doesn't matter if fewer women abuse children, the fact is they are just as capable as men.

He’s a gay man who always wanted to be a father, and found himself single in his forties. He lives in a country which institutionally still has a fairly backwards attitude towards both gay people and people with disabilities. He was aware that the likelihood of being considered to adopt a healthy child was minuscule. He didn’t go out of his way to target disabled babies - he was just realistic about his chances at fatherhood otherwise. Had he gone down the route of surrogacy he’d have received an utter pounding for it in this board; but he gets a different kind of pounding still for adopting.

Men are far more likely to sexually abuse children than women are.

Girls are far more likely to be victims than boys.

Disabled girls are even more likely to be victims.

Can we stop worrying about talking about protecting vulnerable girls in case it upsets men, please?

This is the most stupid comment I've read. Of course men are capable of looking after kids with additional needs.

The prison stats on what?

How many single men adopt children then then murder them?

It would be a very low statistic, In fact I think you would even struggle to find it but if you can please post it.

It is however heavily documented in criminology and psychology as a common trait of female serial killers which is what differentiates them from male serial killers.

That’s lovely.

I think its really suspicious.
As a man how is he going to relate to a girl, talk about periods and boys etc obviously a single dad has no choice but why would a man choose to adopt a girl over a boy?