Please help me respond to this idiot

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I have been seeing someone (a man).

We got into a text conversation about the "not all men" rhetoric. I was explaining the statistics surrounding rape, domestic violence, trafficking etc. etc. And that no, it isn't all men, but it is all women who are at risk.

Talked about the gender pay gap etc.

He said he accepts what I'm saying but think the way I say it, means that men will reject the argument. That I'm seen as too radical.

I said, how do you think the suffragettes got the vote? By asking nicely?

He also said that I've stated the facts in a way that is posed to sway opinion.

He said that I have been patronising and made him feel like a dickhead. And not showed him any compassion, when he was just trying to help (?).

I said I can't believe I had expressed that women live in constant fear of being raped, killed etc. and somehow the conversation has ended up being about a man.

I'd probs struggle with it as well tbh, because if they didn't think I was a decent person then why would they be with me? If they did think I was OK then why lecture me on this stuff?

I know I'll probs be accused of being an MRA etc but I've just become sick of only ever seeing cherry picked stats on the topic and compete dismissal of anything that contradicts the usual narrative. That's not to say that some elements of men's behaviour don't need challenging.

When the figures read 2 men a week in the UK killed by their partner (or better yet no women) we can talk about parity of statics.

No, less extreme was not your quote. It's from the OP, whose friend said her rhetoric was too extreme.

It isn't women who need to persuade men. It's men. Until supposedly good men, en masse, stand up to scumbag men and call them out on their misogyny and abuse, I see little hope for change. It is not women's responsiblity to "fix" men or to moderate our tone to make the truth more palatable to an idiot. Expecting that is an entitled attitude.
I would argue that a man who doesn't call other men out is not a good man. If he lets his buddies get away with misogynistic comments and ignores their abusive treatment of women, he's an asshole. I'm not moderating my tone to appease assholes and neither should the OP.

You didn't say both sexes perpetrate at roughly the same rate. You said women perpetrate it more often and your arguments seemed to be based on that premise, not on parity of perpetration. Your own sources show that is not the case.
I would not doubt that women perpetrate minor violence like slapping and shoving at roughly the same rate or even a slightly higher rate.
But slapping and shoving don't put people in hospitals, leave them in fear for their lives and give them PTSD. That's likely why nobody seems to care that much about it, since you're asking. Do you think the severity of it doesn't enter into it, and if so, why? Nobody likes to be slapped, but it's not a huge social problem which ruins lives and costs the health care and justice systems billions of dollars.

Exactly.

I would wager that nobody much cares about minor stuff like a light smack unless it escalates to more serious violence. It does not tend to escalate with women, whereas it does with men.
The social problem is death, bodily harm and trauma, not the humiliation of being bitch slapped.

@XChrome I guess it depends what outcome is more important, being righteous or being effective.

As for whether he's an idiot or asshole: I wasn't in the conversation.

But taking about how to persuade men in a discussion about persuading men: not asshole behaviour.

@XChrome (and as I say, if it wasn't a discussion about rhetoric, maybe that changes it. But that what OP tells us it was about. The guy was talking about how to reach men in a conversation about how to reach men. That's not unreasonable centering of men in an off-topic conversation).

It's not about being righteous. What it's about, as I said before, is that it's not her responsibility to persuade men to accept reality at all, let alone do it effectively. He's putting it on her, trying to convince her she has to lead the poor boys by the hand as if she's their mommy. I call that asshole behaviour. Obviously, neither of us is going to budge on this point.

@XChrome I agree it's not her responsibility to get him to accept reality, at an individual level, or as a woman. I think men have a significant additional responsibility to address problems caused by men, especially male violence.

(I don't think questions of group culpability are straightforward either, by the way, as illustrated by parallels to race or religion or nationality. But that is where I land firmly regarding men, so we can conclude on a note of agreement if you like!).

Bloody hell has someone compared the Suffragettes to ISIS?

@WalrusOfLove With the best will in the world, my female partner lashing out at me a little wen she has a bad day is more trivial for reasons of good sense and patriarchy.
Good sense, I am a grown ass man, which has far greater capability and repulation (generally rather than personally) for violence. We have to learn not to lash out as adolescents.
And the patriarchy will think less of men who let negative emotions showing and condescendingly indulges it in women. As @XChrome writes, I might not like getting bitch slapped but it is not a major social issue.

@XChrome I had a chat a while ago with another middle ages man about this. Specifically, about how oblivious men lie us often are to it.
That might seem odd, but then if your relied on MN you would think men spend their relationships with women being hopeless while looked after and cared for.
I had the experience of a very large breasted colleague only sitting up straight when the other men left the meeting room, being invited into the social groupd of women and non-creepy men on a large construction project, and have a veyr good looking woman perfectly happy to have a conversation with me while my colleague was leering at her disgustingly. I had these moments in middle aged, I really was that naive. For him, it was his sister casually talking about being cat called.
I could easily have gone though my life without this.

The male feminists make things far worse. If you believe them, men are used to having relationships where the woman cares for them and supports them while the men are shallow marcissists. Realising women are people too makes those men who manage it exceptionally amazing. To be a male feminist is to identify with this narcissistic nonsense.

But that's a false equivalence really because extremely few people commit murder whilst a lot commit DV.

Loads of women commit DV against men but very few men murder women.

The "Gender Pay Gap" has been comprehensively debunked. The only people who still believe in this far-left conspiracy theory are those who have no clue (and usually no interest) in learning what the counter-argument is.

It isn't women who need to persuade men. It's men. Until supposedly good men, en masse, stand up to scumbag men and call them out on their misogyny and abuse, I see little hope for change.

So where are all the women calling out scumbag women for committing DV?

Given that women perpetrate the majority of DV it would seem that either the majority disagree with you or don't believe it should work both ways.

How do you think OP would take it if her husband had lectured her about female violence against men? 🤔

Ha ha, yeah right a 100 people a year being killed in the UK is an irrelevance.

Pass me the chess pieces there is a pigeon in the house.

You'd save more female lives by encouraging people to be careful when descending staircases. True story.

And let's not even get started on road deaths caused by women on their mobiles while driving (I see this every day).

Oh look a 🐿️.

Yes, DNFTT.

I shall consult my magic eight ball and let you know.
Seriously though, how TF would I know? So what's the point of posting that?

I'm not clear on why you think male feminists make the situation worse.
I know many of them are frauds who claim to be feminists just to get laid, so they sometimes go overboard and say whatever bullshit they think women want to hear, no matter if there's truth to it or not. Is that what you mean?

Did you miss the part where your own sources say women do not commit the majority of DV? Yet here you are, trotting out the same nonsense even after you've self-owned on the subject. It is obvious to me that you are merely trolling, trying to drum up some ire. I will not discuss social issues with people I consider to be trolling. Please stop posting to me. Thanks.