Some people feel threatened by independent women?

[Sooooootired01]

What do you think?

I've noticed this, especially in some men. I guess they feel their masculinity is wrapped up in being the "big guy", the sole provider etc? But I also think it rings true for some women as well?

I’m a single parent with no interest in dating ever again and I do find nearly everyone I speak to thinks there’s something wrong with me. They can’t understand how I can be happy without a man, when in actual fact it’s the happiest I’ve ever been.

Men certainly don’t like the fact I never rely on them, and have no need for them other than for sex! It’s interesting to see it turned around because so many men use women for sex. The men I’ve met certainly didn’t appreciate it, so I hope I’ve done my bit for the women they meet in the future and they treat them better (wishful thinking!)

@Cadela probably the opposite.

@Cadela Agreed. Absolutely.
I was also single for a number of years and the amount of men who thought they could 'woo' me with money was unbelievable! Not interested; I have my own and don't need yours!

I'm a single mum and none of my female friends think there is anything wrong with me. 😀

I think there is a group of men who struggle with very capable women who don't need a man to open jam jars or move heavy furniture.

But there is another group of men who see a capable woman as someone who will organise their world, clean their house, care for their children cook their food and still pay half the mortgage and bills.

And a third group who simply see a career woman as someone to live off.

I don't find any of them attractive traits. I don't understood why a lot of men struggle with the idea of equal partnership. What's wrong with being equal?

Single mum here too. What Cadela said exactly.

@Meadowfinch I see what you mean, but define "equal"? And is this "equal" workable in real terms?

A lot of guys can't handle a woman in a position of authority over them . I remember watching a cop show when a load of coppers took a man down . He lay on the ground calmly until the WPC told him she was arresting him as she cuffed him . The bloke being arrested went berserk calling her some vile names relating to her gender .

I'm a single mum and been single for years literally no one thinks I should date again if I even mention meeting someone again I get looked at like I have 2 heads. So not my experience 🤔

I find that men find me very attractive that I have the house, job, money, looks, personality and so on, but ultimately can’t cope with it, either they feel like they can’t live up to it or they think I want something serious as the rest of my life is so sorted (except I don’t!).

In my experience, no, not workable. They just can't get their heads round what their purpose is as an equal partner.

No, I don’t really believe that.

I say this as a woman who has always been single, don’t do any casual things, childfree and emotional island.
Everything I’ve done - I did on my own.

But I don’t believe anyone has been threatened by it or me.

I’ve been looked down upon, that’s for sure.
But women’s indepence isin’t actually something that is admired or celebrated or what not by the society.
That’s why I don’t think anyone is threatened by it, it doesn’t have the social value for anyone to be wary.

I hope that makes sense.

I think there are a subset of men who still have more traditional views of male and female roles, and tend to view all 'women' as a species with the same views, likes, wants etc. Deviation from this is very confusing and threatening for them (e.g not wanting a relationship or children) and they sometimes respond poorly to 'the unknown'.

I think some of men see that a strong, independent would involve more work for them in a relationship, such as insisting on a fair split of housework and childcare, taking time for herself away from him (leaving him with the chores and childcare) and challenging him on decisions, finances, future plans etc. I can see that a lazy or selfish man was perceive this as a threat to his comfort and probably look for a safer alternative...

Ah yes; I've never really thought about this. When I met my now husband he knew the expectation was that he absolutely did his fair share of domestic chores etc as I was a working parent with a stressful career. No way was I going to back down from this!
My ex husband, however, believed (and I quote) that a woman's "job" is to serve him and his children, and that includes doing all of the housework, cooking etc...
I suppose ex would, however, argue that he was happy to facilitate me becoming a SAHM so that was reasonable (which I refused to do, much to his "humiliation").

@Sooooootired01 sorry for the terrible typing in my previous post!

Your ex-husband sounds like the sort of man that views all women as a homogenous mass. He probably assumed that once you were married, your 'natural feminine instincts' would kick in and you would be thrilled to have children and enslave yourself to the family, leaving all your fanciful ideas of equality, full time work and prioritising your own needs in the distant past.

A good example of this are the many instances of childfree women finding out that their partner expects them to have children, sometimes years down the line. You also see numerous mothers in a position where they end up as default parent and cleaner after marriage and/or childbirth, even when their male partner was initially an equal contributer in terms of chores.

As the most beautiful woman in the Midlands and a multi millionaire I can empathise. Men just find me so intimidating.

Lol

I think there is a group of men who struggle with very capable women who don't need a man to open jam jars or move heavy furniture.

My sister-in-law showed me how to open jam jar lids by bashing them with a wooden spoon first, and it really works. I haven't found a better solution than a husband for the heavy furniture yet though sadly.

Yes. Some people do. Some men do. Some women do.
And some don't.
That's how human behaviour works.

And why do you think that is?

Some men I guess are stuck in the past with the attirude that men should provide and look after women. If that role is taken away from them they feel threatened, like they don't have a role.
Some women maybe feel dependent on men and uncomfortable that others manage to live independently. In my experience women are very competitive with each other and quick to put other women down for any number of reasons.
Just my thoughts.

I think a lot of men are status driven and feel the need to be the “better” or more needed partner. The question is whether that’s nature or nurture. Personally I think it’s the latter and a result of being raised in a deeply patriarchal society.

I seem to remember reading a study that seemed to imply that men were likely to be more misogynist the more insecure they were about themselves/the less successful they were in their own eyes (I cannot remember the exact wording). So it’s possible that misogyny is essentially a skill issue, and in that context it’s very likely that the more independent and confident the woman, the more threatened the man will feel.

Since becoming a widow of independent means and developing an independant lifestyle, I don't think it's men who feel threatened by me.

I've noticed because it's a big change for me, when I was married I think people assumed our lifestyle was largely funded by him, but it wasn't and since I've had more time to myself, I've started doing a lot more independent activities and travelling, so I've been both a little wife and a strong independent woman in fairly recent history iyswim.

My experience is that men treat me as equals, invite me to join them in active pursuits (mostly and friends), support my training and like to hear about my work and career.

Women are much more, are you sure that's safe, you're so brave, many have dropped me altogether and several have been downright nasty about how inappropriate it is for me to have built this new life.

@WontSomebodyThinkOfTheOtters I think you could be right. Strangely enough, my ex-husband also turned out to be homophobic.
He was indeed very unsure of himself too.

I think people can have very different definitions of what independence is and there are different forms of independence, for example financially or mentally.

I would say most women have the capacity to be financially independent should they need to be, some just choose not to be as they prefer it that way.
Personally, I wouldn't assume women in traditional roles are any more dependant on their partners than women who work.

I think this is true of men and women. Surprising numbers of women are misoginistc too IME, especially those who don't live independent lives and would like to keep all women in the same place.

The men I am friendly with are mostly quite accomplished (because I know them either through work or sport) and I find them supportive of my achievements and career, although I agree it's less so for the more insecure men.