Teenager refused toilet for heavy bleeding

[greasypolemonkeyman]

I'm wait hoping that somebody can help me.

My teenage daughter has horrific periods and is currently under investigation for it with the DRs etc. She has a toilet pass issues by the school.

Today she leaked as she sat down in her last lesson. She raised her hand with the teacher who fully knows her issues and was told to go to reception and ask for the toilet to be opened. The toilets were locked and are always locked apart from break and lunch time. Two different members of reception staff refused to open the toilet for her as that's not "process". Plus there were boys waiting to use the use the toilets and so they had priority over her even thigh the toilets are separate sex.

. She started bleeding through her clothes and they still refused. She had to call my adult daughter who got a change of clothes and at the point my eldest arrived the deputy head had just allowed her to go to now unlocked toilet.

My adult daughter gave her a change of clothing and told her to get her stuff, she wasn't staying in a school that knew about her issues and had even issued a toilet pass, but still denied her access to the toilet when she had blood soaking her clothing and rubbing down her legs. It was 25 minutes before the end of the school day at this point.

Where do stand with this? Surely toilet access when you have gynaecological issues, a girl takes priority in going to the toilet over a bunch of boys? The reception staff just kept repeating that it's proccess and so that's that. In the mean time my youngest daughters uniform looks like she's been butchered and she is devastated that this was discussed so loudly by reception staff sitting as she was stood with blood running down her legs and pulling in her socks and shoes.

Back in my day, in high school we had: males, females, mixed.
It was not that difficult!
I am sure they can still manage it.
But for this case, really they need to have more than one cubicle available for pupils with toilet passes.

Complain to everyone: the head, the governors, the local authority. This is completely disgusting.

That is ridiculous, surely there should always be a toilet open for emergencies, and this was an emergency.

Poor DD definitely complain! My school was the same, locked toilets and bulldog receptionists who didn't let anyone in.

I'm sorry to say this, as it won't be on your mind (and you may have wanted to clean straight away), but please take photos of the bloodied uniform if you haven't washed it. These need to go with your complaint/s.
I am sorry for your DD's unspeakable experience and hope her treatment helps really soon.

As a mum of 2 girls in secondary school and a teacher myself, I am horrified this has happened. I would be absolutely livid!

You need to find and follow the complaints process, it will be on the website. It will probably say complain to head of year, then head, then Chair. After that, a complaint panel of governors. But you really shouldn’t need to that, I’d be astonished if the Head doesn’t immediately apologize and make access arrangements for her. Please don’t expect to be told that staff have been disciplined/fired; they won’t tell you.

I would go straight to the board of governors, you could spend a year getting through all the various assistants, teachers before getting any results. I would be really tempted to withdraw her from school on her heaviest days. I am downright disgusted at these policies. I have a young relative in a school with the same policy and I it's inhumane.

No, the formal complaint policy should have timelines. The board will not be able to review a complaint until it’s gone through the right process. Scattergun copying people in doesn’t help, it just limits who could sit on a complaint panel if needed.

This is disgraceful, I'm so glad I don't have to go to school nowadays. I have bladder incontinence and I feel horrible for teens etc who may have these conditions.
What are they meant to do in these situations? Have an accident?
Hope your daughter is as okay as she can be OP

Keep your daughter at home tomorrow but go into school and rip into them, put them on the spot and ask them why they allowed your daughter to get into such a state, do not let this go.

I think I’d also push the elf n safety angle… bit of a cavalier attitude to biohazardous materials. Is the receptionist trained in cleaning up this much blood, and do they have safe disposal for blood stained articles (like chairs)

fuckers.

It would be straight to a solicitor's letter from me in this specific circumstance.

I'd also be concerned that the reception staff are so hard of thinking that they are not effective or safe in relation to medical or SEND requirements (inc potentially assessing how to react in an emergency) ie that there is a serious and urgent safeguarding issue and a training requirement here.

What on Earth have I just read?
She had blood pouring down her legs and they would not help her? No teenage girl or woman should be denied access to a toilet if they have to go.
I never normally advocate letting the shit hit the fan, but I would be taking this as far as you can. Get written statements from both your children and demand a meeting with the Head and safeguarding lead. Your poor daughter. She will be so embarrassed having this discussed but it needs to be done. She will absolutely not be the only one.
What a brilliant sister she has too standing up for her.

I would write to the governors. I'd even write to Ofsted. Take it as high as possible. It's a disgrace.

That is horrible and I really feel for your daughter. This is the time to show her how to advocate for oneself and challenge authority. You ask for a meeting with the head and you insist that this must not happen again and that things must change. Your daughter must have routinely spare clothes in her bag also. Really horrified by the school.

How does the toilet pass normally work then if the reception team wont unlock them?

Gosh this is so shocking, I'm so sorry. You've had plenty of advice regarding complaints etc but I just wanted to say I'd be so proud of your elder daughter putting her foot down and standing up for her. It shouldn't have been needed but your younger daughter will feel so supported by that

I think it's disgusting that toilets are locked and so sorry for the way your daughter was treated. I'd be making an appointment with the Head to make my feelings known. And I'd tell my daughter that if it happens again to just leave and come home!

The school clearly got it wrong but, if it is the first time, I would want to find out why it happened, get your daughter an apology, and get proper immediate access to the toilets for her in future. Going in all guns blazing talking about sexism and misogyny won’t help your daughter.

Loos are a fraught area in schools. Pupils arrange to meet in them in lesson times and then the teacher can be held accountable if something happens. On the other hand, it does seem inhumane to deny someone access who genuinely needs it.

Maybe your daughter could be given a key to a single toilet (disabled or staff) or something like that.

You should request a meeting with her form tutor and head of year and take it from there.

Only if a reasonable approach fails should you consider going nuclear.

@greasypolemonkeyman this is absolutely disgraceful!!! poor wee girl. I would not hesitate reporting that to the school rector/headmaster as well as the education department at the local authority!!! Obviously, give some people a little authority and they have to act like Hitler!!

What horrible horrible reception staff. Their lack of basic decency beggars belief. Your poor DD.

Very fair point…😂

This! Or imagine if she had IBS or an upset stomach? What is she supposed to do then?
Poor girl as though this issue isn’t hard enough for her. I hope also she gets gynae treatment soon.

Definitely take this further with a formal complaint.
Dds toilets at school were locked. She also had a pass. She had to ask the teacher to use the loos when she leaked in full hearing of the class. She said the lads cheered because she was on the rag.
Give the school their due, they let dh take her home a couple of times to change.
She went on the pill at 14 and at 15 got the implant. I'm not sure how she would have got through gcses if she was still having periods.