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Feminism: chat

Feminism: sex and gender

Original poster

Teenager refused toilet for heavy bleeding

120 replies

greasypolemonkeyman · 07/02/2024 15:31

I'm wait hoping that somebody can help me.

My teenage daughter has horrific periods and is currently under investigation for it with the DRs etc. She has a toilet pass issues by the school.

Today she leaked as she sat down in her last lesson. She raised her hand with the teacher who fully knows her issues and was told to go to reception and ask for the toilet to be opened. The toilets were locked and are always locked apart from break and lunch time. Two different members of reception staff refused to open the toilet for her as that's not "process". Plus there were boys waiting to use the use the toilets and so they had priority over her even thigh the toilets are separate sex.

. She started bleeding through her clothes and they still refused. She had to call my adult daughter who got a change of clothes and at the point my eldest arrived the deputy head had just allowed her to go to now unlocked toilet.

My adult daughter gave her a change of clothing and told her to get her stuff, she wasn't staying in a school that knew about her issues and had even issued a toilet pass, but still denied her access to the toilet when she had blood soaking her clothing and rubbing down her legs. It was 25 minutes before the end of the school day at this point.

Where do stand with this? Surely toilet access when you have gynaecological issues, a girl takes priority in going to the toilet over a bunch of boys? The reception staff just kept repeating that it's proccess and so that's that. In the mean time my youngest daughters uniform looks like she's been butchered and she is devastated that this was discussed so loudly by reception staff sitting as she was stood with blood running down her legs and pulling in her socks and shoes.

OP posts:
cheezncrackers · 07/02/2024 16:38

I'm really shocked that the toilets are locked other than at break and lunchtime. Is this normal procedure at some schools? It certainly isn't at my kids' schools.

As for the treatment of your DD - I'd be making a formal complaint about the way she was treated and spoken to by the jobsworths on reception. FFS if she has a toilet pass and these are only handed out in the most extreme of cases they should unlock the toilets with no questions asked. Your poor DD Sad

cheezncrackers · 07/02/2024 16:40

Princesspollyyy · 07/02/2024 16:38

lol, nobody 'needs to have diarrhoea'

Show quote history

It's absurd though! What if someone is going to throw up? Or yes, has diarrhoea? Locking the toilets is an absolutely vile thing to do.

StarTwirl · 07/02/2024 16:40

That's shocking

Slightly abusive actually especially as she was visibly bleeding

She has a known issue

I'd go ballistic

Syndulla · 07/02/2024 16:40

I would tell the school that you are keeping her home until you are satisfied that the matter has been investigated and resolved. It's unbelievable that this was allowed to happen.

BeadedBubbles · 07/02/2024 16:40

Disgraceful. Your school complaints policy should be on the website. Your first port of call is to complain to the HT. If they don't address your concerns to your satisfaction then a governor complaints panel will be convened.

Standard question for governors to ask is what actions do you feel the school should take to address your complaint? You might have a think about this in advance - obviously instant access to toilets for girls in your dd's situation. But also proper training for staff so they understand how to respond effectively and empathetically in such situations. Maybe some teaching resources for your dd to access on days she is bleeding heavily and doesn't want to come to school in case this happens again. Your poor dd ☹️

StarTwirl · 07/02/2024 16:42

As much as toilets are an issue at schools for various reasons

Most schools keep them open due to basic human rights

StarTwirl · 07/02/2024 16:44

Your daughter should be given her own key to use for these toilet emergencies in the future

I would push for a key

I would take them to court over this

Humiliation, embarrassment no end of anxiety due to this episode

How can anyone think that's ok to put a teenage girl through

Letting her stand there with blood pouring g down her legs

PurpleBugz · 07/02/2024 16:45

Formal complaint. Make sure to use the words sex discrimination

Cashew1 · 07/02/2024 16:48

This is so disheartening and outrageous. My sympathies to your daughter.

Howtheweeshtwaswon · 07/02/2024 16:53

This is actually wicked. I can't believe what I just read! Are these receptionists female? Do they have no empathy or decency at all? It's nothing short of abuse, please complain. I hope your daughter is okay. Poor kid.

puncheur · 07/02/2024 16:54

Formal complaint saying exactly what you want the outcome to be (full investigation with the results shared with you in unredacted form, revised policy, proper training, receptionists disciplined). And that if you don't have a satisfactory outcome you will be commencing legal action against the school as you consider this to be indirect discrimination against the protected characteristic of sex under the Equality Act 2010.

anyolddinosaur · 07/02/2024 16:55

I'd be furious too. Asking for a key sounds like the best solution but also ask wh "it's procedure" and "the process" mean and why they are apparently denying your daughter access to her education because she has a medical need.

If the head doesnt give a satisfactory response then you may need to go the governors to get "the process" and procedure changed.

Bopk · 07/02/2024 16:55

Boys can hold their fucking piss. This makes me so mad. Your poor daughter :(

Startingagainandagain · 07/02/2024 17:00

Appalling...

Male a formal complaint to the school and I would also report them to Ofsted.

p1ppyL0ngstocking · 07/02/2024 17:01

I would be calling the school now demanding a meeting with both the head and the receptionists who denied your daughter access to the toilet so I could meet with them and get them to explain to me in person what they thought they were doing.

This is sex discrimination and it is also refusing to make reasonable adjustments for a pupil with a current healthcare issue causing physical disability. If a boy had blood visibly running out of his penis and staining his clothes, would they have fobbed him off in the same way?

Disgusting behaviour by the school, I feel so angry on behalf of your daughter.

MushMonster · 07/02/2024 17:04

I am shocked they did this to her!
Toilets for boys and girls are fully separated, aren't they?
I would put in a complaint, including a long bit stating how this treatment can affect a young teen education. Ask to speak to the head and demand they change this process to toilet pass = open the damn toilet! What is the point of a toilet pass if you can leave the classroom, but cannot acces the toilet? They are beyond stupid.
Also, rather vile if they just stoop there while your daughter was bleeding.
I cannot believe it!

SirSamVimesCityWatch · 07/02/2024 17:07

Definitely make a formal complaint - the school's complaints procedure should be on their website. Make sure you follow it as it is easier for them to dismiss it if you haven't followed their process - and it sounds like they set a lot of store by process and procedures!!

Photograph the blood stained uniform, as that is evidence of what your daughter was put through.

If you have a face to face meeting with someone senior as part of the complaint I would actually print those photos off in A4 size and spread them out on the desk. Hopefully it will make them uncomfortable and awkward and then you can point out that if they are uncomfortable with those pictures, imagine how humiliating and uncomfortable it was for your child experiencing this in their school.

MistyBean · 07/02/2024 17:07

I agree with the poster saying she needs a key. The school have demonstrated that they cannot guarantee a process to be put in place that works.

What on earth is happening on schools .. I keep seeing posts about locked toilets. This just wasn't necessary at any school I went to twenty years ago. I just can't get my head around this. Especially as someone with IBS and periods, it's just inhumane!

MistyBean · 07/02/2024 17:10

Oh also... I would be asking for a written apology directly to my daughter. I'm getting more and more angry thinking about this!

RhubarbGingerJam · 07/02/2024 17:10

I'm really shocked that the toilets are locked other than at break and lunchtime. Is this normal procedure at some schools?

It's just been brought in at DC school - not always easy to access at breaks either.

I would look at schools complaints procedure - but I would in writing complain to the head and copy in the governors chair. I would emphasise this is a medical condition the school was informed of and that your daughter is being discriminated against. I would also say your older daughter over heard you daughter being embarrassed and upset by reception staff and have fear your daughter medical information is now source of gossip.

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SirSamVimesCityWatch · 07/02/2024 17:12

Toilets are locked at schools which cannot manage the pupil behaviour, for many reasons. This could be weak management of the school, or significant numbers of children with behavioural difficulties, or with antisocial behaviour, vaping addiction, etc etc. Schools don't have the staff to monitor the toilets, CCTV in toilets is dodgy ground and you can't have it in the actual cubicle so it doesn't stop most of the issues anyway. So the only option is to lock them during lesson time.

Toilets for boys and girls are fully separated, aren't they?

Ha ha ha. Nope. Many schools now have mixed sex toilets, illegally in some cases, to accommodate transgender and non binary pupils. Never assume your child has access to a single sex toilet at school.

MedievalNun · 07/02/2024 17:12

Sod the school - write and tell the head that you are making a formal complaint, to the chair of governors and local LEA. Then also let the GP & Specialist know too. As PP have said, I'd be saying that she'll be off for x amount every month - and with no penalties.

Give you a big hug & one for your poor dd

MushMonster · 07/02/2024 17:13

Never have been in an educational or work setting where they locked the toilets either.
My DDs one actually has no doors to the toilets, just dividing walls in a zig zag so you cannot see inside while standing on the outside.
If they really need to lock them (because some kids will camp in them...), then she needs a key. These morons cannot even be trusted with this.

Hercisback · 07/02/2024 17:15

As a teacher this is awful, complain and shout loud.

On the subject of toilets, it's impossible in schools to police toilet use. Students use them to hide, vape, sexually assault, bully, and there aren't the resources to supervise toilets during lesson time.

averylongtimeago · 07/02/2024 17:15

This has happened to my dgd to - and to other girls in her school. Toilets are locked other than at break and lunch time so they have to go to the other side of the school to get to the office to get the key.
It also doesn't help that a lot of the loos are now "gender neutral" and therefore (in my dgd's words) "covered in piss" so the girls wont use them. The queue for the now reduced number of girls loos is often so long there isn't time for all girls to do.

The boys are ok- they have the boys loos, and all the gender neutral ones as well. They aren't bothered about the piss because they don't have to sit in it.