Teenager refused toilet for heavy bleeding

[greasypolemonkeyman]

I'm wait hoping that somebody can help me.

My teenage daughter has horrific periods and is currently under investigation for it with the DRs etc. She has a toilet pass issues by the school.

Today she leaked as she sat down in her last lesson. She raised her hand with the teacher who fully knows her issues and was told to go to reception and ask for the toilet to be opened. The toilets were locked and are always locked apart from break and lunch time. Two different members of reception staff refused to open the toilet for her as that's not "process". Plus there were boys waiting to use the use the toilets and so they had priority over her even thigh the toilets are separate sex.

. She started bleeding through her clothes and they still refused. She had to call my adult daughter who got a change of clothes and at the point my eldest arrived the deputy head had just allowed her to go to now unlocked toilet.

My adult daughter gave her a change of clothing and told her to get her stuff, she wasn't staying in a school that knew about her issues and had even issued a toilet pass, but still denied her access to the toilet when she had blood soaking her clothing and rubbing down her legs. It was 25 minutes before the end of the school day at this point.

Where do stand with this? Surely toilet access when you have gynaecological issues, a girl takes priority in going to the toilet over a bunch of boys? The reception staff just kept repeating that it's proccess and so that's that. In the mean time my youngest daughters uniform looks like she's been butchered and she is devastated that this was discussed so loudly by reception staff sitting as she was stood with blood running down her legs and pulling in her socks and shoes.

I know exactly what you mean about wanting a child out of a school like this - 18 months left for our last one and it can't come soon enough.

My advice would be to e-mail head CC deputy head - and say back to them what you were told in phone call - and why you think it's incorrect - and that there is still no acceptable resolution in a calm and factual way. I found what I was clearly told on phone differed from what was claimed later in meetings and letters.

Sorry I should have been more clear. The resolution, for now, is that my daughter stays home for 2-3 days a month as hereshe has toilet access and in school she doesn't. Not perfect in the run up to her GCSEs but I won't allow her to be treated so badly.

I totally agree with the comment that you must put this in writing. If she still hadnt been allowed the toilet when your daughter got there state that. Frankly 1 minute would be unacceptable, 3 minutes that would actually be in excess of 6 is ridiculous. The teacher saw her in class and can mark her present anyway, getting her "mark" is irrelevant.

Keep repeating that she is being denied access to the curriculum. I cant remember the exact words a teacher used on the education board about this but there was some similar phrase and it apparently puts the wind up schools. You could ask on the education boards.

Also mention you are copying letter to head of governors.

Put it in writing. That sounds utterly ludicrous. They knew she was there for goodness sake, she didn't need to be in class to get a mark.

What on earth is wrong with these schools?

You said it's not an academy, so does that mean it is a local authority school? That means you can copy the complaint to them and might get somewhere. I don't suppose copying it to the Church will do any good though.

The resolution, for now, is that my daughter stays home for 2-3 days a month as hereshe has toilet access and in school she doesn't. Not perfect in the run up to her GCSEs but I won't allow her to be treated so badly.

Totally understand why you'd do that.

However I would consider putting in writing to the school to HT at least that you feel forced into this solution in Y11 because they've made it so clear they are unwilling or unable to accommodate your DD medical situation.

From bitter experience if you can contact each teacher directly who lesson she's missing that day- just say there is an ongoing medical condition and can they help with topics and work - because IME the messages may not get past on to the actual day to day staff despite promises.

Was staying at home their solution or yours? If theirs, that sounds like an illegal exclusion to me. Which is really serious for them.

This is outrageous, OP. I'm so very sorry your DD and you are being subject to this.

Our poor kids. Schools seem to so often be going badly wrong. 😔

Have you tried her with tranexamic acid op?
Worked wondered for me and it also eased clots/cramping

It absolutely appalling how they've treated her then bloody lied about it!!!
At least you have evidence re length of time
'3 min' plus asking at the office until she had to then make the call to her sister. Sisters arrival etc.

@greasypolemonkeyman sorry to hear your dd has an issue with progesterone. Got to say the implant was a life changer for dd.
I think youre right keeping dd off. Her dignity and mental well being is worth more than grovelling for a toilet.

You spend the next £3k on cctv or supervision. Im not buying this 'no alternative to locking toilets' nonsense. And that's what it is - nonsense. Plain and simple. This is a human rights issue and a court would undoubtedly find against a school in this situation. Anyone defending the locking of toilets - especially in the face of this very human example of the consequences of such a vile policy - needs to take a long hard look at themselves.

Appalling. Keep detailed, contemporaneous notes on what has happened, who said what and the impact this has had on you and your daughter. The notes will make an excellent basis for a statement in the equality case you should definitely pursue on behalf of your daughter and children in schools which lock toilets everywhere. If you can't easily find pro bono or no win no fee legal counsel for this I'll eat my hat. Money isn't the point here, but you should pursue a sizeable award to recognise the considerable distress caused and to help discourage other schools from continuing with this vile policy of locking toilets and only giving children access for short windows of time. It is inequitable - especially for girls, abusive, discriminatory, a violation of human rights and a desertion of schools' duty of care to their pupils.

www.legislation.gov.uk/ukpga/1998/42/schedule/1
Human Rights Act 1998
Article 3
Prohibition of torture:
No one shall be subjected to torture or to inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment.

Inhuman and degrading treatment =

Forcing a child to stand in a public area within a school, in front of adults and other male pupils, in order to ask to be allowed access to a toilet (which is routinely kept locked with no automatic right of access save for short specified windows of time), with the child being repeatedly refused access by adults with responsibility for providing such access, and in doing so, forcing that child to discharge menstrual blood down her legs in full view of others, and the responsible adults subsequently offering no assistance, leading to significant distress.

This exactly. The fact that a problem exists doesn’t automatically justify solutions that are abusive, and which will lead to the routine humiliation of children.

If all the school administrators in the country can’t figure this out, in their collective wisdom, then they should look at what is done in all the other countries that somehow manage equal levels of student misbehavior without denying hundreds of people access to sanitary facilities.

I would imagine prisoners of war can also be difficult to manage, and yet they are guaranteed access to adequate toilet facilities under international law. Surely we can do the same for schoolchildren.

And to the poster above who invoked international law — denying prisoners access to sanitation and forcing them to soil themselves was one of the major features of the torture scandal at the American prison at Abu Ghraib, during the Iraq War. It’s one of the primary ways of humiliating and asserting dominance over another human being.

It’s the kind of thing that happens when you give the wrong kind of people a small amount of power.

Write to both the head and head of governors about this. Sorry, it’s despicable. Sorry your daughter had to go through this.

Any update OP? I wondered if the school bothered to apologise?

The school refused to see they have done anything wrong. I've made a formal complaint and told them I will be keeping my daughter home for 2-3 days every period to ensure she has toilet access in her worst days. I'm counting down the days until shes left that school.

Anyway. My daughter had blood tests last week. Had the follow up appointment today. Quite high testosterone levels and she's aneamic to boot. So they need a more in depth blood test to check her various iron level s (?) and she has to have an ovarian scan and then, hopefully, they will be happy to refer to the gynaecologist 🤷🏼‍♀️. It's very likely she has PCOS and/endo and I was just sat there like I KNOW! Been saying this for 3-4 years and you have all fobbed us off. They have given her tranexamic acid to help in the short term and we agreed she cant be on any hormonal stuff until it's sorted out. she has a progesterone sensitivity like me so the gp agreed its all best sorted out by the gynae. shes not sexually active and shows no real signs of wanting a boy friend so shes ok with waiting.

Shocked at the school but glad you are getting somewhere on the medical side. All the best to your dd.

Pleased you're getting somewhere with the hospital. As dds nurse said, being a teen is difficult enough without chucking periods into the equation.
As for the school, it doesn't surprise me.

Hope you took the complaint to the governors. Glad there is some progress on the medical front.