What's your title?

[LorlieS]

I'm married.
I go by the title of Miss at work (primary teacher) and Ms everywhere else.
Hate it when people refer to me as Mrs S.
Nope - that's my mum!!!

My husband suggested after we got married that I change my name so we could have the same name. I said in response that “if you’re that bothered about us having the same name, you change yours”. Funnily enough he has never mentioned it again.

Ms. I don't mind people knowing I'm not married, but I don't need it to be evident from my title.

@nestofvipers Exactly!
My hubby and I had our daughter before we were married and db'd her surname because we feel she is equally "ours".
When we married we both db'd too (so we took each other's last name and added it on to our family name) ❤️

@hopscotcher
Same!
I don't mind people knowing I'm married, but Ms means it's not evident from my title too.

Most of us bear a man’s name - our father’s. I expect it’s been mentioned here but the Icelandic system works well.

Except that the overwhelming majority of Icelandic kids ALSO bear their father’s name - their father’s first name - in their last name.

So - Thorbjorn and Una have kids that Una carries and births. Male child gets called Henrik Thorbjornsson and female child gets called Hinrika Thorbjornsdottir. It is vanishingly rare for those last names to be - say - “Unasson” or “Unasdottir”. It’s still dad’s name that determines the last name in the very vast majority of cases.

The tradition of taking the fathers name was to determine the child was recognised as the offspring of that particular man. Biologically there is no question of parentage for women.

@AgateQ But I could call my kid X Clooney. It doesn't mean George is the father!
If children were named after mothers then doesn't this make things in fact easier?

@AgateQ If children were historically named after mothers nobody would have any idea who the fathers were. Yes you could call your child Clooney, but if you were to claim he was the father a DNA test would prove otherwise. They didn't have the luxury of genetic testing way back when so the main purpose of a man 'giving' his name to a child was that of acknowledgment, meaning the child was recognised as legitimate and therefore eligible to inherit etc. As you will know children born out of wedlock were labelled 'bastards' and didn't benefit from the same social standing as a result, they were seen as the offspring of loose or morally low women. Of course this was all heavily based on religion, however, this belief system did provide the most successful foundation for children and a safety net for mothers. The nuclear family with parents being married has been statistically proven time and again to be the most ideal environment for children to grow up in. That is not to say other family types don't do a good job.

@AgateQ All well and good, but I fail to see the link here with the "nuclear family of two married parents" and a woman taking her husband's last name?

@Combusting how disappointing. Both that I’m ignorant and that the Icelandic naming system isn’t as “feminist” as I thought it was.

I think AgateQ has convincingly argued that it really is down to basic patriarchy.

That is the history behind the tradition of taking the man's name.

Yes, which has stemmed from women being at a biological disadvantage, that is why men have ruled the world over. In some countries we still see examples of women being second class citizens and it is usually the countries that don't allow for birth control. It is important that we don't get lost in applying historical standards to modern norms in Western societies though. For instance the taking of a mans last name has a history in female submission even ownership. However, taking a man's surname now doesn't hold that same meaning because women have the choice to do so and society is no longer viewing unwed couples as fornicators, or single mothers as whores.

@Combusting @greenbeansnspinach

It is vanishingly rare for those last names to be - say - “Unasson” or “Unasdottir”. It’s still dad’s name that determines the last name in the very vast majority of cases.

Vanishingly rare is an exaggeration. It's not the norm, but it's still normal if you see what I mean. But it is usually because the father isn't a proper father, so it carries that connotation. A guy in our family is e.g. Maríuson because his dad was not involved, even though they all know who he is. He was born in the 80s and it's only become more common to use matronymics. In the olden days they'd sometimes call fatherless kids Hansson (literally 'his son') rather than use the mother's name, so there's been progress but yeah not a feminist system!

A fair few people also now use both, e.g. Þorbjörns- og Unuson, to use your examples. It's not something that people would really raise an eyebrow at.

True that if the father is there and involved in caring for his children they usually get the default patronymic though. My kids have patronymics.

Decades ago, when I was in my 20s, 30s, I went by Ms because at the time THAT was tantamount to a declaration of feminism and I wanted to be seen as one and also I wanted equality with men, who were all Mr and did not have to expose their marital status.

However, now I am in my 60s I go by Miss. My reasons for this is that I am a successful, self-made woman with a fat nest-egg, my own home, and my own business,

I am so proud that I achieved all by myself, receiving no help from any man, that I actively WANT people to know that I am and have never been married.

I also want to add that, throughout my life, whenever I have got myself financially entangled with a boyfriend (done that three times) the men ended up causing me to lose not only money but my independence and my peace of mind. Twenty-five years ago I decided that, in the future, no matter how much I loved a man, I would never, ever entangle our finances. Best decision ever!

Had to check this thread was in the feminism section.

I’m a Ms, have been since age 16, am married, kept my own name.

According to various posters this apparently means I don’t love my husband and cannot be happily married. That says more about them than anything else.

Also puzzled by the “proud to be married” posters. Why is that? Was it a life goal? Do you consider it to be an achievement in some way? 🤔

@Meowandthen Exactly this!
I've also read on another thread that one poster was worried about not taking her husband's last name for fear of being seen as controlling or mean.
I'm a Miss at work (primary teacher) and so many kids have questioned me when I've referred to my husband.
It's 2024 and still this 😞

Good grief. That’s ridiculous!

I come across a lot of women in their late 20s and 30s who are adamant they need to change on marriage. Most have never questioned why.

Even more worrying are the men who pressure women to change their names. A red flag to my mind. 😕

@Meowandthen Unfortunately I still think it is about showing "ownership" of their wives in some relationships.

Dr.
Though according to a very odd thread the other day I'm not entitled to use it.

Ms.
In my 40s, single all my life.
If people call me Mrs., I do not make an issue of it, just because I don't want to go through the effort, except if a large financial transaction is involved like a mortgage. I worked my whole life, including major overtime, to be able to afford it. No man ever contributed a dime to that transaction, so no man deserves credit for it even by implication via the Mrs. title. It was all my work. For large transactions, I insist on being called Ms.

This comes up every time people on here discuss titles. For reasons I don't understand, some people consider it vain, presumptuous, laughable, inappropriate or just plain wrong to use your earned title of Dr. You are certainly entitled to use it, so why shouldn't you?

I don't stick to one! In the UK I use Miss/Mrs/Ms/Dr. In Italy you are automatically signora as a woman bur I also use Dottoressa at work.

I don't stick to one! In the UK I use Miss/Mrs/Ms/Dr. In Italy you are automatically signora as a woman bur I also use Dottoressa at work.