Awful victim blaming article - Emma Pattison 😢

[Babyboomtastic]

I was shocked to see this on the metro website:

metro.co.uk/2023/02/08/emma-pattison-was-arrested-after-row-with-husband-years-before-death-18249909/

Headline: Epsom College head ‘was arrested after row with husband years before death’

Back in 2016 it seems that the husband phoned the police to say that she'll slapped him around the face, and then phoned back a few minutes later saying not to come as it was trivial. They came anyway, she was arrested, spoken to and then released without charge.

It goes on day sat that they were having counselling for marital problems and her job was one of the issues.

It comes across as 'poor man with violent workaholic wife snaps' 😡😡😡

IF she did slap him 6-7 years ago, that doesn't excuse murdering her or their child, and saying 'she was violent too, I was only defending myself, shes crazy etc' is textbook behaviour from many abusive men...

Urgh

Absolutely spot on.

My nex had me arrested for slapping him across the face....I had just become a parent governor.
Two days before he had raped me. I was the one with bruises and the police ignored it

Please complain to IPSO, the press are culpable in reporting this as the victims fault.

My thoughts exactly, he likely got in there first with a police report to cover his tracks and make her look less believable if she filed one against him. Abusive men are manipulative.

So first he jealous of her career says the Mail. Then a relative now spouting that it must have been a moment of madness. Oh poor thing - a quick moment of madness and he got a gun and shot his wife first and then his daughter. Imagine that. And now Rosie Kinchen in the Sunday Times grappling to find excuses for these fucking evil monsters. This was a cold blooded MURDER of his terrified wife and 7 year old daughter. NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING excuses that. Can we now please stop trying to justify all this. He was a calculated evil killer. End of.

I called out the Daily Mail headline about 'Did living in the shadow of his high achieving wife lead to unthinkable tragedy...' as misogynistic and victim blaming on Facebook. First time I've ever posted anything like that on FB.

Male friend I've known for 20yrs, FB friends for 12, said he didn't want this 'feminist paranoia' on his timeline and unfriended me.

He literally couldn't understand that her success was somehow being used by the Fail as a mitigating circumstance in her murder and that of their child.

I saw that on Sky and at least there it wasn’t victim blaming.

Police would not have arrested her if when they attended he did not have marks on his face from being hit. So I think it almost certain she did hit him hard enough to leave marks on him.

And furthermore, if there had been any marks on her, they would have arrested him, not her even if they both had marks of being hit on them.

It’s pertinent background as to how their relationship was not a good one. It’s not an excuse at all for him killing her and especially their daughter.

But it’s already know that in DV the pattern is that violence always escalates. It should be a lesson learned that if a couple is hitting, even if it is the woman hitting the man then SS needs to get involved because the woman and children are still in danger. This could very well be a risk factor linked to murder-suicides among men and acknowledging it could well save lives of other women and children.

I don’t think I could be arsed with a friend who reacted like that over an opinion. Especially a valid opinion.

It might not be such a loss.

I think his call to the police could be a complete red herring. My ExH once threatened to call the police on me because I scratched his face and left marks. At the time I scratched him, he was throttling me. I left a mark, he didn't.

Exactly, police need to learn that even a call out and arrest where a woman has hit a male partner, it is most likely that it is the woman in the most danger in a DV relationship. They shouldn’t be thinking oh poor battered husband and carrying on- they should be thinking this is DV and the violence will escalate and 9 in 10 times it the woman that ends up murdered and do a SS referral.

No loss whatsoever. He possibly didn't like the fact that about a dozen women also responded agreeing with me and pointing out the flaws in his 'argument'.

Agree @Onnabugeisha.

No loss whatsoever. He possibly didn't like the fact that about a dozen women also responded agreeing with me and pointing out the flaws in his 'argument'.

Then pity the fool. Time to go pop 🥂

I agree 100% with you too on the ‘shadow of his high achieving wife’ comment too. It’s misogynistic, victim blaming and classist all at once.

Am certainly shedding no tears over the unfriending - I was just shocked and puzzled at his extreme reaction. Especially as I'd been very helpful to him in a medical issue he'd been experiencing since having Covid. Maybe I'd outgrown my usefulness 😂

Police would not have arrested her if when they attended he did not have marks on his face from being hit. So I think it almost certain she did hit him hard enough to leave marks on him.

And furthermore, if there had been any marks on her, they would have arrested him, not her even if they both had marks of being hit on them.

Just to comment quickly that this isn’t true at all, about the police only arresting if there are marks.

Just to comment it is 100% true in my experience with the police who I called and who arrested an ex for DV. It’s also what the sergeant told me they do at least in their constabulary.

They told me they don’t arrest a woman for DV on a man if they are called out and see the man doesn’t have a mark on him at all because many abusive men make fake reports.

Then they arrested my ex because they saw his handprint bruises livid on my neck as he’d strangled me into unconscious and I’d woken up in the kitchen and called the police while he was tossing the living room. He of course heard my voice asking for help, came in and snatched the phone off me and hung up, but 999 called back asking to speak with “the woman” when he answered my phone and while he prevaricated, the police car arrived. They interviewed us separately and he claimed I’d tossed the living room throwing things at his head, hitting him and then went to the kitchen to get a knife saying he was dead and so he was acting in self defence. It was obviously a lie.

I think it's rare for men who are abused by their partners to report it to the police. They are supposed to be "the tough ones" after all and honestly, who's going to believe them?

Urgh, half my post got swallowed. I'd also add that ime, abused people (men or women) don't resort to family annihilation as a result. That is the last resort of the controlling abuser.