Awful victim blaming article - Emma Pattison 😢

[Babyboomtastic]

I was shocked to see this on the metro website:

metro.co.uk/2023/02/08/emma-pattison-was-arrested-after-row-with-husband-years-before-death-18249909/

Headline: Epsom College head ‘was arrested after row with husband years before death’

Back in 2016 it seems that the husband phoned the police to say that she'll slapped him around the face, and then phoned back a few minutes later saying not to come as it was trivial. They came anyway, she was arrested, spoken to and then released without charge.

It goes on day sat that they were having counselling for marital problems and her job was one of the issues.

It comes across as 'poor man with violent workaholic wife snaps' 😡😡😡

IF she did slap him 6-7 years ago, that doesn't excuse murdering her or their child, and saying 'she was violent too, I was only defending myself, shes crazy etc' is textbook behaviour from many abusive men...

Urgh

They are just trying to highlight marital problems. I'm sure if he had hit her years ago the press would also have reported it and you wouldn't have an issue with it.

Hang on.

If the shoe was on the other foot - IF - then I’m pretty sure this thread would be speculating about financial abuse, prior domestic violence, ‘woman following man around for his career’ type stuff.

NOW, I don’t even like writing that because I don’t want it to look that’s what I think when we simply have no clue about what happened.

But there are all sorts of wild theories on here which you all can’t possibly have any factual basis for posting.

I would suggest a modicum of respect for their living relatives by stopping with these threads which are tasteless and seem to enjoy the ‘guessing’ a bit too much. It’s pointless and there will be an inquest anyway.

You might not know, but I have a pretty good idea. 🙄

I called social services years ago as my husband was being verbally and physically abusive. Physically to only the children. We were all afraid of him and when I said I wanted to split, he gave off menacing vibes.

At the first child protection meeting, the 'chair' social worker, after speaking to me and him separately, ignored the physical violence and the verbal, and pointed to me and said my husband told her I'd tried to hit him a few years earlier and in fact I must be the abusive one. That's what he told her and she believed him. What the actual fuck.
It floored me. I was hardly able to walk out of the building as my legs felt wobbly.

This is how people think, the woman is wrong somehow if a man is violent.

Yeah, I also took it to mean that he'd been abusing her for years (emotionally if not physically) and that reporting her to the police and then withdrawing it was just another abuse tactic. But I hate the way the media is reporting this. None of the context, no understanding of how male abusers act.

Even if she was the violent one (yeah right, but even if) - HE MURDERED A CHILD. His own child. I don't care how abused he was or wasn't, that is abominable.

Well you must be involved in the investigation then and as such I don’t think it’s appropriate for you to post.

Cuppasoupmonster do I know you under a different name? You seem awfully familiar.

No, I’ve always posted under CSM, unless something outing when I’ve changed now and then.

I can see that now. Apologies.

I thought that sounded like he was very manipulative. Given what had happened, I think it is far more likely that he called the police to scare her off ever reporting his abuse.

She was pregnant and probably worried about losing her child if he painted himself as the victim. My ExH was only too happy to threaten Social Services to allow him to get away with abuse.

The worst thing is that they are probably right.

You’re 100% right. I’ve hit a man once to “fight back”. You only do it once.

Go in and register and comment. I have

Gabby Petito was blamed initially too for slapping him or something minor.

Yes it was an appalling act but no point in being triggered by reading comments.Or hating all men.They need to be onboard in tackling the culture that creates this crime.It is very nuanced and complex.Not simply aboùt tackling patriarchy or misogyny and men are all evil and women are wonderful nurturing saints.What does capitalism do.to men and how do women also collude in expecting men to be the provider? Still.(When some women though highly successful may perhaps subconsciously resent being the main breadwinner.)

Women seem to me to hate men when they fail even if they try hard not to.tThe courts tend to give custody to women and when some women use kids as weapons.We do not know about their relationship and it is not victim blaming to ask what happened before. Of course this was terrible but men need to be allies not enemies

.Ignore the ignorant comments..There will always be some old and young sexist men but we have to stop this together for all the insjpirational women and the non inspirational women and for men too so that young boys growing up now will never commit such a crime..He may also as a jamaican have suffered racial.abuse and living in Surrey that can happen however rich you are.Not an excuse of course but just a thought. No point in banal self righteousness.We need to understand this crime.Not in any way disrespectinh the grief of her family ,friends and colleagues.

Me too. It was almost the last thing I did.

Yes it was an appalling act but no point in being triggered by reading comments.

Who are you to tell people not to be triggered by the comments???

My mum died in almost identical circumstances so I'll continue to be triggered and will continue to state that we have a problem in society with male violence if it's all the same to you.

Common tactic, accusing the woman of abuse - that's what DARVO is. Women's Aid charities are all too aware of it.

As soon as I read that I thought "He's been abusing her for years. I bet she told him she's kicking him out."

I'm not triggered.

I'm angry.

Sigh, I was pretty much waiting for the way the press would manage to report this in a way that, even if ever so slightly, suggests that something she did or said 'made' him murder her and their child.

That is how I interpret it as well.

My father is a victim of my ‘mothers’ continued domestic violence and vicious tongue, he has never called the Police and would never leave her, last year he stayed with me for four days because “he came close to hitting her back” and was scared by his reaction.

He went back, I wouldn’t be surprised if he loses it one day, snaps and kills her.

There is a lot of guessing on this thread when really none of you have any insight into their lives although NOTHING excuses what happened.

Awful for family and friends, that poor little girl completely innocent victim.

Oh ffs I've heard it all now. Because he was Jamaican? Just fuck right off, seriously. My SIL and other friends knew Emma Pattison. We understand this crime, we understand it very well. Don't be so fucking patronising.

Is there nothing that society won't do to forgive and excuse violent men?

Oh, and a nice 'women do it too' as well. Of course. Of course.

If they are reporting a fact, why do you have a problem with that?

Nothing justifies murdering your wife and child. No one should question that.

You think they should have said nothing about the incident? If so why?