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Feminism: sex and gender

Original poster

A list of seemingly unbelievable not-rapes (according to the CPS and juries)

173 replies

AdamRyan · 05/10/2022 08:05

Inspired by this news where someone who reported a rape and was told they might have sexsomnia

www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-63116989

So these are other notable cases I can think of:

The man who tripped and penetrated someone
www.google.com/amp/s/www.independent.co.uk/news/uk/crime/millionaire-ehsan-abdulaziz-who-said-he-accidentally-tripped-and-penetrated-teen-is-cleared-of-rape-a6774946.html%3famp

The man who got the hotel room muddled up
www.google.com/amp/s/www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1360801/amp/Haydor-Khan-cleared-rape-climbing-wrong-bed.html

The man who thought a girl who was moments before having sex with his friend must also want it with him, even though he was so tired he had to go to bed while his friend was getting viagra
www.irishmirror.ie/news/world-news/black-student-cleared-night-time-7951757

The man who thinks asking a friend "can I have a go [on her]?" is enough consent www.google.com/amp/s/thesecretbarrister.com/2016/10/14/10-myths-busted-about-the-ched-evans-case/amp/

I'm so tired of it.

OP posts:
crispinglovershighkick · 06/10/2022 17:47

...and the next time I hear that old chestnut about how sexual assault is harder for men to endure I will blow a fucking gasket.

somethingfishygoingonhere · 06/10/2022 19:33

@Tealpoppy that sounds terrifying, I’m so sorry you went through all that.

Rape appears to no longer even be a crime these days. A radical overhaul is required.

CrossStichQueen · 07/10/2022 08:13

My goddaughters father got away with raping her from the age of 6 until 16 because the CPS decided his ex her mum had encouraged her to lie as she was jealous and wanted money.

They failed to take in to account my goddaughter did not report the abuse until she was 19 and her mum had left her dad 13 years before and was in a 12 year relationship and financially secure.
They also failed to see that the father had groomed the mum when she was 14 and he was 22, she was pregnant and gave birth by 15 when he then moved her away from her family and isolated her.
They sit up because he started an affair with the 16 year old babysitter when he was 27 who he then moved 200 miles away from her family and was mum to 2 of his kids by the time she was 20.
But apparently none of that mattered as his ex was just bitter and wanted money so he was found not guilty.

somethingfishygoingonhere · 07/10/2022 08:51

Jesus H Christ @CrossStichQueen

Who are these misogynistic idiots at the CPS?!

CrossStichQueen · 07/10/2022 08:59

Who are these misogynistic idiots at the CPS?!

No idea. The police in charge of her case let her down too.
GD had a number of witnesses me included. One was her friend who when GD was 16 and had put a stop to the abuse she ended up telling her friend but swore her to secrecy. None of us were called the police said our statements were enough.
He however had several family witnesses all who talked about his good character and how he was a good dad and husband.

Apparently because GD had decided she wanted to face him in court, something which she discussed with me as to her reasons and I am so proud of her, and not to appear via video link they decided she clearly isn't scared or traumatised by seeing him so her allegations must be false!!

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 09/10/2022 15:51

i was scared for my life-I honestly thought he was going to kill me-I really couldn’t have told you my own name at that point

Apologies in advance for a small derail.

I was raped 20 years ago, I was very lucky that the police found my rapist and he was found guilty. After two trials though - first one ended in a hung jury so I had to go through it all again.

But the above quote from @Tealpoppy really resonates for me. This is exactly how I felt. All the questions about 'why didn't you do this? Why did you do that?' a lot boiled down to, I was fucking terrified.

ChiefWiggumsBoy · 09/10/2022 15:54

But to answer your question @AdamRyan - my immediate thought was the man cleared of murder when he choked his girlfriend with his penis.

When I went to look up a link for you, I was disgusted to find more than one story this one from the uk and the one I was thinking of, [https://metro.co.uk/2017/05/24/man-who-said-his-girlfriend-choked-on-his-penis-is-cleared-of-murder-6658223/ this one in Florida]]. Genuinely don't know how this can be a defence. Choking takes minutes not seconds.

Original poster
AdamRyan · 10/10/2022 23:00

Ugh. I'm speechless.
Unbelievable not-murders have mostly been covered by We can't consent to this. But it's all part of a bigger picture of not holding men accountable for the harm they cause...

OP posts:
vivariumvivariumsvivaria · 16/10/2022 13:40

My 19 year old niece was raped by her boyfriend. I am not encouraging her to report it, she cannot prove it was not consensual.

It is a disgrace but it is better for her to be cared and loved back to herself by us than it is for her to try dn get justice.

Jibberstanley · 17/10/2022 08:25

Holy hell this is just awful, seeing cases listed like that.

Actually I’m ashamed to say I didn’t realise this was happening with prosecutions.

Off to educate myself.

Felix125 · 17/10/2022 19:27

Its depends what the victim/survivor wants from the police interaction.

Quite a few don't want to go through the court process and don't care what happens to the suspect - they want to put themselves first and get the help & support services which are available to them.

You will always have the problem of 'one word against the other' in cases like this however - and I can't see how we can get past that in law, when you have to prove a case beyond reasonable doubt.

Atmywitsend29 · 17/10/2022 19:34

My rapist was acquitted of all 8 rape charges, because he cried on the stand that I'd made it all up to stop him seeing the baby he'd impregnated me with.

Poor guy.

longcovidquestions · 18/10/2022 08:20

@Atmywitsend29 That’s horrific, I am so sorry OP. Hope you both managed to escape him?

Notimetothink · 18/10/2022 08:29

The one that was “mistaken” about her rape in hospital because she was on an all female ward. I think the hospital kept up the pretence for 2 years before admitting there was a male bodied person there.

StarmanBobby · 18/10/2022 14:02

It’s time we started calling bullshit on these bullshit excuses that scummy lawyers are using to defend rapists…

picklemewalnuts · 18/10/2022 14:12

I was horrified anew by the newspaper article about women refusing therapy, because the notes could be required by the police and the defence team. They feel obliged to choose between therapy and taking a prosecution forward.

I can't believe therapy notes are admissible?!

PhilistineWazzock · 18/10/2022 14:13

StarmanBobby · 18/10/2022 14:02

It’s time we started calling bullshit on these bullshit excuses that scummy lawyers are using to defend rapists…

But that's only a tiny amount of reported rapes that even get as far as being defended in court - they've got to get past/through the police and the CPS first.

Original poster
AdamRyan · 18/10/2022 14:37

You will always have the problem of 'one word against the other' in cases like this however - and I can't see how we can get past that in law, when you have to prove a case beyond reasonable doubt.
Tighten up the "reasonable belief of consent" clause
Create an offence of reckless penetration so it becomes less "he said she said" and more "he did and was he careful enough she consented". So e.g. Mr "Wrong Hotel Room" was reckless with his penis because he was to drunk to know who he was putting it into.

I'm fed up with men not wating to be labelledd as a rapist, even if they are, being prioritised over womens rights to get justice when raped. As shown by several posts on here.

OP posts:
Felix125 · 18/10/2022 18:30

You're still going to have the issue of 'he said, she said' with this - you will still have to prove the element of being reckless.

The only way to get around it - is to have some sort of documented or recorded consent.

Silverangels · 18/10/2022 19:15

My rapist got away with it because he had learning disabilities and had been to s ‘special school’ (not the words I would have used)

he was a slightly lower than average iq but he wasn’t fucking stupid-he knew full well what he had done

i managed to get out of his flat-and over the road to the police station-a female voice on the intercom told me to ‘go home and come back in the morning’

I’m stood there,sobbing and screaming down it and she just put the receiver down-leaving me to walk/hobble 5 miles home at 2am (no mobiles in those days-pay as you go was just becoming popular-I couldn’t afford one)

I managed to get home and put my knickers in a bag and I must have crashed out-I did ring the police the following morning

they took 4 days to come out and pick up my knickers,then they arrested him-he denied we had sex (even though his dna was in my pants and he admitted it to a mutual friend who made a statement) and the cps dropped the case

the police couldn’t have treated me with more scorn if they tried-I was spoken to like I was shit on their shoe,they reported me to ss for not having done the breakfast dishes and having not hoovered up (I was functioning-i was going through the motions of looking after my children-I had nothing left over)

hed been to a school for learning disabilities,didn’t understand any of this that was unfolding around him,I didn’t report it straight away (the police ‘lost’ the cctv of me trying to report it via the intercom) our mutual friend was ‘mistaken’ and I’d had ss breathing down my neck (they came out once,saw my kids where well looked after and left it but having that one visit made me unbelievable)

He was up on another charge within the year-case got dropped and he’s now married with 2 girls which fills me with fear-but it’s ok!he’s married now and has ‘learnt his lesson’

bollocks

all this has done is to teach him is he can do what he likes as he’ll get away with it,time and time again

longcovidquestions · 18/10/2022 20:30

@Silverangels that's awful.

As well as changing the method of ensuring consent they could keep a checkable register of repeat offenders.

HariboReckoning · 18/10/2022 21:14

It makes me feel a mix of horror and fury. I can’t even get into what happened to me anonymously on here right now. It’s a wonder to me there aren’t more female murderers out there, I wanted to kill my attacker.

TwittleBee · 19/10/2022 13:16

My case didn't even make it to court as the police said despite his messages and messages to other people about it, anyone could have grabbed his phone and written those texts.... also it couldn't have been rape because I was drunk and so I could have misremembered, especially as I was on anti-psychotic medication too due to anxiety.

It's so fucked up and I get so angry with how many women this effects and how the blame always lands back at the victim

Original poster
AdamRyan · 19/10/2022 14:15

Felix125 · 18/10/2022 18:30

You're still going to have the issue of 'he said, she said' with this - you will still have to prove the element of being reckless.

The only way to get around it - is to have some sort of documented or recorded consent.

Have you read the actual links?
The sexsominia - check person is awake before sex

  1. Did not deny penetration, tripped and accidentally penetrated. Be more careful with your erection.
  1. If you are so drunk you don't know what room you are going into or how you are having sex with, the "not reckless" approach is don't have sex.
  1. If you get into bed with someone who minutes before was in bed with your friend, the "not reckless" approach I'd to check they know you aren't your friend
  1. If your mate asks you to come over cos he's got a bird, the "not reckless" approach is to ask her if she wants sex, not your friend.

In most of these cases there was nothing to suggest the men had even rudimentally checked if the woman wanted sex. There was no "he said/she said".

OP posts: