" Pregnant woman yelled at me for offering her my seat on the bus'

[spotcheck]

I was listening to Talk radio ( I like Julia Hartley-Brewer, but generally don't listen to others...
Anyways, the drive time presenter related a story that his elderly father was shouted at, on public transport, because he offered his seat to a woman who was visibly pregnant, and had a baby as well.
I can't remember the exact words, but she shouted something along the lines of ' I'm not weak, stop assuming I am' etc.

I despair. This woman was catering to the idea that we need to ignore women's biology, and pretend it doesn't have an impact. That to acknowledge female biological experience is to somehow admit weakness.
And yes, I understand that not every woman would have 'needed' the seat.

Your thoughts?

I used to politely decline when offered a seat when I was pregnant. I didn't need it and was comfortable standing. I didn't find it offensive when people offered though

It was an offer not a demand she should wind her fucking neck in and learn to say no thank you

She sounds like a twat

Oh fgs. It's just getting to the point where well meaning people don't feel right offering because they're damned either way. A simple "thank you but I'm ok" would have sufficed.

For what it's worth, I'm 3rd trimester and would bloody love to be offered a seat but noone offers...and tbf I don't ask.

He shouldn’t take it personally, she was probably just drunk

Why be rude? Silly woman. It's pure good manners to offer someone a seat that looks as though they MIGHT need it more than you, and it costs nothing to refuse politely.

I remember my grandfather telling us at dinner about a teenage girl offering her seat on the bus.

He was quite fit, used to walking long distances, and was slightly perturbed to have such clear evidence that young women now thought of him as old enough to need to sit down.

He still spoke to her graciously and thought it was really nice to see a young person do that.

Behaving like this ruins it for other people who might have a need for the seat. Be gracious in declining it.

Sounds like made up bollocks so that the presenter could moan about feminists.

@AnnunciataZ

Sounds like made up bollocks so that the presenter could moan about feminists.

Yep. Was going to say exactly the same.

"A friend of a friend..."

@AnnunciataZ

Sounds like made up bollocks so that the presenter could moan about feminists.

Completely agree. It sounds like one of those threads on reddit which end with "and then everyone on the bus stood up and clapped".

I find this incredibly hard to believe tbh.

I've commuted on public transport in London for what 35 years or something and have never seen this. Ever.

If this happened then it's down to MH issues or some kind of massive stress. IF.

what is very common is

Tutting on buses at pushchairs
Zero people offering a seat for women even if v pregnant. All the time.

The idea that women are irrational aggressive bitches never goes away does it.

The fact that women on the tube usually esp at rush hour don't get anyone offering led to the change in the labels over the seats that should be given up if someone needs them more.

It's why the baby on board badges came in.

Because the norm is no one offers. And yes women should ask is apparently the solution but loads of women don't feel comfy/ able to do that. And a seat being needed should not depend on the confidence of the person who needs it.

Why the issue with pregnant women and seats? It never seems to die.

I've seen.

I wouldn't offer because
She might just be fat (hence the badges)
It's her choice to be pregnant
It's her choice to use public transport
Pregnancy isn't an illness or disability

Blah blah blah.

In the end it's just an ongoing annoyance about. Pregnant women feeling 'entitled' to something? Dunno.

Anyway on the tube it was awful when I was heavily Pg and working miles away and rush hour tubes.

Also to add to the erm really?

She had a baby I assume in a pushchair with her and launched a verbal attack? Again sure I mean all sorts of things happen but that adds to the... Really?

So a woman maybe 5 months preg at least and with baby in pushchair (assuming actual baby she's going to have a lot on her hands!).
On a bus.
An elderly man (note elderly because it would be different if not elderly not as bad for reasons).
Offers her a seat and she laid into him shouting with her baby in pushchair there.

And rereading.

With the sort of thing that people (men?) imagine awful feminist types would shout aggressively at elderly men for being kind.

Apart from the women I know who feel like that are vocally not feminists.

Hmmmmm.

I don't understand why people need to be so unpleasant. I'm grateful if people offer me a seat on the bus. If you don't want it, all you need to say is " thank you but Im ok here". It's a shame when people try to do a kindness only to be met with nastiness.

Visibly pregnant and a baby?

I think it's more likely she wasn't pregnant, just carrying postpartum weight and was upset and reacted badly.

I can remember an electrician who was doing work on our house when ds1 was 4 months. He looked at ds then looked down at my stomach and said 'gee you'll have your work cut out with such a small age gap!'. Nope, not pregnant and I was so upset at the time.

What was the point of the radio thing?

And I am pretty hmmmm about this happening at all. If it did. Well then she's got a screw loose. Launching into what I'd say someone who doesn't like feminists would think a feminist rant sounds like is... Interesting.

Anyway.

All I can think of is things like

• why would anyone offer any pregnant woman a seat when there's a risk of abuse?
• not any old abuse but what seems to be the popular idea of what feminists think (IME it's not and women who are loudly not feminists feel like this a fair amount)
• given this random anecdote it's clear that feminists are ruining things for all women

-one woman doing this is reason to have a discussion about why it's reasonable for all people esp men to never offer a seat -and can you blame them?

Is that about right?

Strangely though.

Multiple women saying they have been subject to harrassment sexual assault etc etc by multiple men. Should not ever be a reason for any woman to be wary of men etc. Because you can't tar all men with the same brush that's outrageous!

Also
Women who are pregnant often don't get offered any seat which is why tfl have changed signage and give badges.
But you know what?

Why should anyone offer?
Not ill
It's a choice
Might get verbally attacked
Etc etc.

It's all very interesting.

I had to sit on the tube when pregnant due to bad pgp and hyper mobility issues. I always just asked someone if I could sit in their seat, no one ever said no, everyone always obliged.

@AnnunciataZ

Sounds like made up bollocks so that the presenter could moan about feminists.

Well my uncle's cousin's friend's aunty's mate says women are ungrateful arseholes, so I won't offer a seat now.

I mean we're probably all seven steps from Kevin Bacon and an arsehole, aren't we?

On the tube a few weeks ago a strapping young man offered his seat to an older woman. She declined but he stood up and insisted she take it - she looked visibly embarrassed as she sat down, presumably at being considered old enough to need it! I’m sure he was just being gentlemanly and made me swoon but I can imagine on a bad day she might have reacted in a less polite way!

This happened to my brother when he was a teenager. The pregnant women absolutely lost her rag at him , it was so bad that a few people on the bus actually stood up for him and told her to calm it. So it is something that does happen.

I offered my seat once to an elderly man with a walking stick. He absolutely lost it with me. I was then rather worried in future that people would have the same reaction. He was wobbling around standing up and regardless of his age I would have offered him a seat but he was very offended I thought he was old (he was in his 70s as a minimum!)
When I was pregnant and commuting I found the people on the tube were great about offering seats but the people on the train were terrible. I only got offered a seat 4 times in the whole time I was pregnant (5 days commuting twice a day). The one time I asked I got such a bad reaction from someone in the priority seating area I never asked again. Maybe it's just my train route!

Context is everything here for me. It's a nice sounding story but I can envisage a situation where the offer of the seat was followed by insisting the woman sat down despite an initial polite refusal.
I can also imagine this initial polite refusal was ignored so much, the story teller didn't even recognise it happened.

I'd snap if I felt I was being forced or cajoled into accepting an offer, no matter how kind. And this happens a lot to pregnant women.

@TheHouseIsOnFire

On the tube a few weeks ago a strapping young man offered his seat to an older woman. She declined but he stood up and insisted she take it - she looked visibly embarrassed as she sat down, presumably at being considered old enough to need it! I’m sure he was just being gentlemanly and made me swoon but I can imagine on a bad day she might have reacted in a less polite way!

On the very rare occasion I’ve been offered a seat (I’m 70+) I accept gratefully and thank the person. Some of the international students here are very polite. Fortunately I can choose my time to travel, so I avoid commuting times and the tram or bus is rarely crowded. Occasionally I will offer my seat to a frail looking person rather than risk them possibly falling, even though there may be many younger people sitting, often in the priority seats. There has either been a huge growth in the number of young people with disabilities who need to sit in those seats, or a huge growth in entitlement….?

There has been a big change in attitude towards older people, when I grew up young people were much more likely to give up a seat for an older person, and we automatically went upstairs on a double decker.

I'm about 90% this never happened

I don't know if it was a baby or a toddler ( was driving home after a long day).

The point on the radio show wasn't ' how awful are feminists, it was more that some people are so easily offended.

I think it's more likely she wasn't pregnant, just carrying postpartum weight and was upset and reacted badly.

This is a very real concern of peoples to be fair. I have a 15m old and I’m 40+3 so I’m massive now and it’s obvious in the way I waddle but back at 6m pregnant when DC was 1yo people would look but not say anything, they didn’t want to guess just incase it was baby weight I hadn’t got rid of.

Only one person has commented on it whereas previously or if I’m not with DC it does get commented on